On July 8, the Russian Orthodox Church honors
the memory of the holy right-believing Prince Peter and Princess Febronia of
Murom, who endured many trials in order to create an example of a Christian
family.
The first trial was what the young prince had
to endure in order to fulfill God’s will regardless of the world’s demands, and
marry the daughter of a simple woodsman. Unfortunately, many people today are
looking for someone “within parameters,” forgetting about the fact that what we
really need is someone of like soul. Fr. Artemy Vladimirov shares his thoughts about what we should seek in our
life’s companion, how we should not give in to societal pressure in choosing a
spouse, and not miss our chance to have a person with whom we can truly live
the rest of our lives.
“Sacrifice is the main expression of love”
—As a
prince, Peter was of course seeking a partner equal to what his rank required.
He was a man of importance, surrounded by the aristocratic boyar elite, and
understood that his choice would affect the fate of the princedom itself. By
that time in ancient Russian society there were already class distinctions in
place. Having fallen ill, his entire body covered with a rash, he despaired of
receiving any help. But the wise Febronia from the village of Laski (this
village still exists, near Ryazan) healed him. The prince promised to marry
her, but later forgot about his promise. And again he was covered with a rash,
and again Febronia treated him. Then he understood that it was his fate, and he
had to quickly keep the word he had dropped.
St.
Febronia was unusually intelligent. We have no grounds for thinking that she
was not good looking. If she had been a homely girl, a grandee would not have
taken such a salacious interest in her as she traveled along the river, now in
royal clothing with a sable collar. She put that audacious man in his place and
shamed him in a very convincing manner, having understood his impure
intentions.
Well, and
St. Peter very soon understood what a treasure he had found in Febronia, who
was distinguished by her calmness, without an ounce of rebelliousness,
hysteria, or light-mindedness in her. She never caused any scandals for her
husband, did not order him around or try to become his boss. Rather in her can
be seen, judging from the text of their Life, a special dignity, a humble
grandeur, which is characteristic of people who have grace. To her natural
intelligence was joined also grace-filled enlightenment, and God clearly worked
through her, judging from her Life and the influence she had on the moral world
of those around her.
Thus, the
young prince Peter was not free of certain stereotypes characteristic of his
class, but neither was he a slave to these concepts. By the way, we cannot call
them incorrect. Even in the nineteenth century people strove to marry within
their own class, in order to have more points of contact, to expose a kinship
not only based on mutual attraction between beings of opposite genders, but
also of the same way and style of life, the same understanding of life’s aims.
Everyone
was taken with Peter’s wife, but they did not admit it right away. As we can
see from the Life of Sts. Peter and Febronia, the wives of the upper class
boyars were not nearly so smart and wise in their words. They were the ones who
provoked their under-the-heel husbands to protest and rebel. So, St. Febronia
humbly took her husband to Murom. Having learned to believe in his spouse’s
charisma, Peter could feel that God was protecting her, that she did not do
things for no reason, and he trusted her judgment.
However
things turned out in such a way that the class divisions, the fights, rebellion
and chaos caused the people to seek out their meek prince and his spouse.
Having returned as victors, they lived long and happily, finally dying on the
same day. Perhaps this is even where the expression comes from of “dying on the
same day.” Febronia was an object of general adulation; everyone desired to see
her and spend time with her.
In order
not to fall for stereotypes and not lose that one and only person, one must not
be carried away, as King Solomon teaches us, by external good looks, elegant
facial features and figure, and not walk on the leash of the lust of the eyes.
Goats, mules, and rams are distinguished by this not so clever art. The ability
to see the personality itself, the traits and qualities of the soul is a rare
capability amongst the young, who are more inclined to get carried away than
older people made wise by experience.
How can
we avoid falling for stereotypes? By praying to God: “Lord, grant me wisdom,
Lord, teach me, Lord, direct me. Show me Your holy, blessed will.” Well and of
course, they say that there is no need for haste in affairs of the heart. Do
not accept sudden decisions. “Ah, I am smitten by Cupid’s arrow! Ah, I have no
life without you!” But she may be thinking only about how to get her hands on
your wealthy father’s summerhouse. And many, well known, talented older men
have fallen for this as well.
The art
consists in seeing the soul’s riches, faith, loyalty, good housekeeping, creativity,
patience, and self-sacrifice of your future other half. Self-sacrifice, it
seems to me, is the main manifestation of love and it leavens and illumines all
other sides of the character. We shall be silent about such lofty qualities as
dedication, gentleness, love of orderliness, beauty, the ability to create
beauty around herself, to pinch off a piece of what she loves the most in order
to make room for her close one. Or the ability to work, to sew, to cook, to
grow flowers, and feed the parakeet.
Walking
the long path of life is not just crossing a field. You have to test a man,
find out what he is like in work, how he is in a battle, how he conducts
himself with ladies, in the theatre, or with mama at tea. You have to take a
good look in order to determine whether there isn’t some masked passion he is
serving. Some may accept the courtship and not recognize in their chosen one an
alcohol dependency, and then it suddenly comes up. That is very unpleasant.
Thus, we
have explained how Peter the Prince of Murom by no means made a mistake. Having
renounced the superficial judgment he had assimilated in his youth, he found in
the person of the woodsman’s daughter Febronia an authentic, priceless
treasure. According to the apostle Paul, his wife’s distinguishing good
qualities were, “the incorruptible beauty of a meek and quiet spirit” and “the
hidden man of the heart”. Whoever is capable of thinking about these subtle
things, who can see the true beauty of a human personality, will never be
caught by an external, glamorous mask, under which all may be empty and dead.
If you do
not want to miss the chance to have a person with whom you can walk the long
path of life, look attentively at him, keeping that saving distance, which is
called careful, chaste relations with your interlocutor. If you feel that the
soul of a close one is warmed by pity and compassion, if it takes sincere
pleasure in serving its neighbor through word and deed, if it knows how to give
thanks to God and people, if it knows how to calmly and steadfastly overcome
the many obstacles that inevitably arrive on the path of those who do good
works—then you have found what you are looking for, you have found your other
half, and stepped upon the path of unselfish love.
By Archpriest Artemy Vladimirov
Source: http://orthochristian.com/72111.html
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