I’ve
heard many times over the years, “It’s too hard for my kids” when someone
brings up the topic of fasting and children. Let’s consider for a moment our
children’s education. I don’t know of
any parent who would present a college math textbook to their toddler and
expect them to be able to work the problems in the book – let alone with
perfection. We all understand that
higher level math is beyond the abilities of a small child, but at the same
time it doesn’t mean that we hold off on teaching our children math
concepts. We have a goal and through the
years we feed them little bits at a time in order to help them make progress
towards that goal. Many of us will start
out by counting snaps on a onesie in an attempt to calm a squirming baby as we
re-dress them. As they get older, we
count aloud the steps on a set of stairs as we help them learn to go up and
down them. Later we’ll have them hold up
their fingers showing their age and listen to them as they mimic us counting
out loud. Math is a part of our
children’s lives from a very young age.
We wouldn’t dream of limiting our children to stories about
mathematicians, letting them put together puzzles about math, completing
crossword puzzles of math definitions, let them explore and play with
manipulatives, bring them to watch mathematicians completing equations and then
consider our children prepared for taking a college entrance exam or even
prepared for life on their own. Are any
of these efforts wrong in and of themselves?
No. Are these methods alone going
to enable them to reach the goal of understanding AND being able to solve an
equation on their own? Probably not.
What is
the key difference? Participation. Think
of how much prep we do with them before we even begin to think about
introducing the simplest of equations to them. We guide our children through
ever increasingly more difficult levels of math and then we explain to them how
to work an equation when the time is right.
We start off by teaching them how to solve simple equations on their own
such as 2 + 2 = 4. Holding off on teaching
math through participation simply because the end goal is too difficult for
young children is only going to make learning math harder for our child in the
long run. Can you imagine our child
sitting down in a college classroom and the professor asking why the student
cannot complete the simplest of equations?
Our child would respond, “Well…I’ve been around math all my life but
I’ve never actually tried working on or completing any math problems. My
parents thought it would be too hard for me, so they told me to wait until I
was older.” The “catch up” factor for
our children would be overwhelming!
The same
is true about teaching our children to be Orthodox Christians. If we do not introduce them to living their
faith from a young age, it will become increasingly foreign and overwhelming to
them as they get older. There is a rhythm
to our ecclesiastical year that involves participation from young and old
alike. Within this rhythm we are taught
not only about our faith but are also shown how to live it. This is the important part – we need to live
our faith every single day in the manner in which we are capable of at that
very moment.
Here are
some ideas when approaching Great Lent this year:
*As
always, please talk to your parish priest or spiritual father for individual or
family guidance. These are simply ideas
to discuss with your priest from one parent sharing her journey to the next
parent.
Fasting
Every
family will have their own unique circumstances when it comes to fasting –
medical conditions, mom’s pregnant, financial situations, new to Orthodoxy,
special needs children or family member, odd work hours, etc. Keep this in mind, especially if you are at
the beginning of your journey with fasting.
Make the transitions small and gradual for your children (and yourself,
as the case may be) but always progressing towards the end goal.
- Give your
child(ren) a scoop of whatever fasting foods you’ve made for yourself along
with the rest of their meal. This way,
the fasting foods are not foreign to them and you are simply supplementing the
meal with a bit of meat or dairy until you feel they are ready to take the next
step.
- Consider
having your children eat vegetarian on Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent and
all of Holy Week.
- Consider
having your children eat vegetarian for all of Lent.
- Consider
having your children eat vegan for Wednesdays and Fridays during Lent.
You know
your child best. Think about where you
and your family are at on your spiritual journey. How much are you and your children fasting
now? What can your family do to take the
next step forward this Lent?
Almsgiving
Part of
fasting is learning discipline and self control – learning to tell ourselves we
cannot have everything we desire. This
is especially important for children who tend to want everything that catches
their eye. Fasting teaches kids
moderation as well as they need to be patient and wait for something. It builds strength!
Another
part of fasting is spending less money on food and giving that money to those
in need. (The foods we are asked to
abstain from have traditionally been the expensive foods – meat, oil,
dairy) In this respect, substituting cow
milk with non-dairy milk, which costs the same amount or more, negates our
ability to give more to those in need.
It’s not about finding substitutions in order to avoid going without our
favorite foods. It’s about sacrifice.
It’s not strictly about rules. (Although, they are there for a reason.) It’s about seeing the needs of others before
your own wants and desires. It’s about
going without in order to give more.
Growing
up, my parents had us put our OCMC mission boxes in the middle of our kitchen
table and that is where we collected our money to give to others. With my own children, we put a jar in the
middle of our kitchen table and collect money throughout Lent. We have given the money to various people and
places throughout the years but it’s always been something we decide as a
family. We work towards a common goal
during Lent and my kids know that in order to help others, we do not buy all of
our favorite foods for awhile. It’s all
the more special for them on Pascha when they take that first bite of meat and
chocolate.
Almsgiving
is also about giving more of one’s time. Do grandma and grandpa need help with
some yard work or cleaning because it’s hard for them to do themselves these
days? Is there a shut-in in your parish? Bring your kids to visit them along
with a coffee and dessert to share with this person. You would bring such joy
to these people along with teaching your children about compassion and
kindness!
Prayer
I talk
about prayer within our family in greater detail here. It was a presentation I gave for a webinar
several years ago.
My
spiritual father once told me, “You need to start where you’re at. If making the sign of the cross before you go
to bed is all you can do, then that’s where you start. Don’t compare yourself to others. Start – now – and move forward.”
- Include
all of your kids for family bedtime prayers.
Keep the prayers short to start until your kids can handle something
longer. For example, teach them the
Jesus Prayer – “Lord Jesus Christ have mercy on me a sinner” or simply “Lord
have mercy”.
- Start by
saying a meal prayer before dinner every night.
With time, expand to saying prayers before every meal.
- While
pregnant, trace the sign of the cross over your belly every morning as you get
ready for your day.
- For
babies, help them to make the sign of the cross by guiding their hand to their
forehead, shoulders, and chest during your family prayers.
- Trace the
sign of the cross over your sleeping child’s forehead as you check on them at
night before going to sleep yourself.
- Turn off
the radio and ask your kids to help you say a prayer as you drive by an
accident.
Attending Church Services
I fully
understand that it can be hard taking little ones to church sometimes. From this mom who was determined to bring
five boys under the age of five (four of them with special needs!) to church
every Sunday – even when my husband was on business trips – I get how difficult
it can be sometimes!!! I do.
But…every
Sunday morning, I’d hear my mom’s words whispering in my ear, “Kids learn to be
in church by being in church.” Those
beginning years were rough, but with time…my boys learned to be engaged in the
service more often than with each other.
During
Lent, my husband and I decide which extra services we’re going to attend as a
family. What are your goals this
Lent? Attend one Lenten service with
your kids? Attend one of each of the
different services? Attend one service
each week? Attend one Holy Week
service? Attend all of the evening Holy
Week services? Attend all of Holy Friday
and Pascha?
Holy Confession
As a
child, I vividly remember sitting in the back of the church with my mom and
brothers as we watched my dad from afar going to confession in the front of the
church, as we each waited quietly for our own turn.
There’s
something about seeing your parents with watery eyes and beaming smiles on
their faces as they walk towards you after confession. There’s something about going together as a
family – knowing that you are participating in something your parents find
important. There’s something about going
home and savoring the joy amongst everyone in your family.
“The religious education of children is
mainly brought about by example, and by the atmosphere of love and prayer in
the home.” (Sister
Magdalen, Children in the Church Today)
“You can only teach that which you have made
your own…” (Sophie
Koulomzin, Our Church & Our Children)
By Jennifer Hock
Source: http://illumination-learning.com/main/2015/02/14/living-our-faith-its-too-hard-for-my-kids/
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