What is
family happiness? When you hear the word “happiness,” a bright feeling of the
joy of living, of participation, is born in the soul from the word itself. Happiness
is harmony of spirit, soul, and body. It is when the body submits to the soul,
and the soul to the spirit. Not the swan, the crab, and the fish, as in
Krylov’s fable, but when the feelings and movements of the flesh are in
submission to the reason. Just look at what catastrophic consequences can come
from a bodily movement that is not in submission to the spirit. The body sees a
beautiful woman and goes off in answer to the call of lower demands not in
submission to the spirit. His reasoning says, “Family happiness is not in
this…” But the body does not ask anyone for advice; it just wants something,
then goes and does it, without thinking about the consequences.
In
Trinity Leaves From the Spiritual Meadow there is a story. One day a woman
learned of her husband’s unfaithfulness. She cried bitter tears and asked God
to forgive her husband’s sin. When her husband left for work, his wife, not
saying anything, with tears in her eyes, blessed her husband as she usually
did. When they said good-bye, the husband could not bear it, and fell on his
knees asking his wife’s forgiveness—so sincerely, that he never sinned again.
This was the true repentance of the husband. Thanks to the wife’s
long-suffering, the marriage was saved, and happiness and harmony returned to
their relationship.
Oh, how
important it is to submit the body to the spirit in order to escape a family
break-up. Today in Russia over fifty percent of all marriages end in divorce
[and America is not far behind]; every second union of loving couples falls
apart. Is this really love? The causes of this may be various, but the meaning
is the same. Thoughts draw us in one direction, feelings in another, and the body
is off to the side.
Every day
a sentence is passed on children in the wombs, who never had a chance to be
born. Over ten thousand of these helpless infants are being killed ever day in
Russia alone! Can happiness be built upon the blood of children? Nevertheless,
even amongst those who call themselves Orthodox are people who continue to live
with an unrepentant heart, who continue to sin. And how many women are there
who have to endure alcoholic husbands, smokers, and adulterers? How much
violence and beating?
Many
families today are experiencing a state of crisis. However, every person, in
the depths of his heart, wants family happiness—this hierarchical, harmonious
existence. In order to achieve this state, we have to bind our passions with
good thoughts.
Let us
suppose that a family has come together, it is functioning well, there were no
abortions, and the husband is not an adulterer or a drunk; but there is no
happiness… Is there a chance that it could be saved? I recall a story about
this.
In one
city lived a married couple. They lived together a long time, but always felt
that something was missing in their relationship. They tried everything, and
after twenty years of marriage, they broke up. They broke up so that they could
find a union that would be stronger. It turns out that they had built their
lives without a foundation; although they were baptized in childhood, they were
not very religious. Finding themselves in an extremely unhappy state, they both
went, each to his and her own church, to place a candle. There they met people
who invited them to a catechism class. After the classes, they met in order to
be wed in the Church, and they never left each other again.
Of
course, if this couple had been taken to church from childhood they would never
have had to smash their porcelain hearts in order to gather the pieces together
again later. It is very important to explain to children in their teenage years
the difference between love and being in love. A great example of this is the
following story told by His Holiness Patriarch Kirill.
A young
couple came to Vladyka to ask his blessing upon their marriage. He looked at
them and asked the young man, “Do you love your bride-to-be?” The man answered
that he loves her very much. Then Vladyka said to him, “Imagine that you now go
home, you have received my blessing for marriage, and suddenly you have an
accident. Your beloved becomes an invalid for life. Would you be ready to repeat
the words you just said?” No words were needed—it was enough to see the young
man’s facial expression in reaction. That is how greatly love (sacrifice)
differs from superficial “being in love.” It is very important to bring this
home to those who want to have family happiness.
One last
word. Without mutual love and faithfulness, it is impossible to have family
happiness.
By Fr. Gleb Grozovsky
Source: http://www.orthodoxytoday.org/blog/2013/09/what-is-family-happiness-an-orthodox-christian-understanding/
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