Our
culture bombards us with images of marriage.
Pictures and news of celebrity and royal marriages and breakups crowd
the pages of magazines and internet sites and capture the attention of millions
of people, influencing everything from the newest trends in bridal gown design
to values concerning intimacy and relationships.
Does the
Church hold up any paradigms for marriage to provide the framework for a
Christ-centered marriage? Indeed it
does. The Church offers three icons from
which we can learn how to live the married life: Christ the Bridegroom, Sts. Joachim and Anna, and the Wedding at Cana. These icons represent the three dimensions of
marriage, the personal, the intimate, and the communal, respectively. Collectively they give us an Orthodox model
for marriage.
Living
these three dimensions daily is part of the grace and challenge of married
life. We have a “personal” life, that is, who we are and who we are becoming in
Christ. Yes, we become “one flesh” in
marriage, but we do not become “one person.”
Husband and wife remain distinct persons in the marriage
relationship. Secondly, husband and wife
share an exclusive personal and intimate relationship. Finally, the couple lives the married life in
relationship with others, not in isolation.
Christ
the Bridegroom: The Personal Dimension
First and
most important, is the icon of Christ the Bridegroom, who married us, His
bride, the Church, supremely through His suffering and death in the ultimate
act of love. He offers Himself to us as
the perfect model of the perfect spouse.
Our
initial response to being challenged to love our spouse as Christ loves us
might be, “He was God; I am human.”
However, to be fully human, in fact, means to be like Christ, by grace,
through faith.
Let us
pause and reflect on Jesus’ humanity.
During the three years of His public ministry, He regularly took time to
be alone or with his Father in prayer.
We also know that He had an inner circle of fellow workers/friends,
which began with Peter, James and John and extended to the twelve disciples and
a larger group of followers.
Additionally, Jesus had other dear friends, most notably, Lazarus,
Martha and Mary. Finally, following the natural rhythm of life in His day, we
can deduce that Jesus ate a healthy Mediterranean diet and walked a lot. He lived, what we call in contemporary terms,
an active, healthy lifestyle.
This may
seem like a stretch, but we can conclude that Jesus exemplified “healthy, holy
self care” in His daily life. He was a
healthy, holy person. When He ministered
to others through miracles, teaching, and preaching, Jesus acted in love from a
place of fullness. He was secure in His relationship with His Father and others
(even though many opposed Him), and He knew His purpose in life. Then, in His
final act of love for His bride, His suffering and death, Jesus was able to
give everything He had, Himself.
How can
we become a better husband or wife? By living and growing in Christ and
allowing His grace to grow in us, so that His love works through us in loving
our spouse. None of us is capable of
loving our spouse with the perfect love of our Bridegroom. However, by God’s grace and faithfully
looking to Jesus as the model spouse, we can intentionally enter into the
process of holy, healthy self care through prayer, solitude, worship, learning,
healthful eating, physical activity, appropriate rest and leisure, fellowship
with others, and attending to any unhealthy habits or addictions we may
have. Thus, we will become healthy, holy
persons, who, by God’s grace and our cooperation, grow to love our spouses from
a place of fullness.
Sts. Joachim
and Anna: The Intimate Dimension
The
second dimension of marriage, the intimate relationship of husband and wife, is
beautifully depicted in the icon of Sts. Joachim and Anna, portrayed as an
older couple, tenderly embracing each other.
This is the private domain of the couple, which involves how husband and
wife communicate with one another, resolve conflict, manage finances, navigate
personality differences, parent their children, share responsibilities, make
decisions, enjoy leisure, show affection, and share physical intimacy. Sometimes we take these areas for granted and
do not seek to grow them. At other times we struggle with them. When these difficulties arise, what do we
do? Do we attend to them, avoid dealing
with them, or allow them to grow and fester?
The
tenderness and love depicted in the icon of Sts. Joachim and Anna can only come
through a lifetime of a dynamic, maturing marriage. The seed of love we begin with in marriage
has the awesome potential, by God’s grace and our cooperation, to become a most
magnificent flower. If not nurtured, it
will wither and possibly die.
The
Wedding at Cana: The Communal Dimension
Finally,
each couple lives in relationship to “community,” pictured in the icon of the
Wedding at Cana, with Christ and the Theotokos as the honored guests. The
sacrament of marriage and the celebration that follows are always in the
context of a community, showing that we do not live our married lives in
isolation but as part of a larger body, which includes extended family,
koumbari, fellow parishioners, neighbors, colleagues and friends. If and when we are blessed with children,
they become part of the community of the home, the fruit of the love of the
husband and wife in Christ.
Furthermore,
as we live out marriage in the context of “community,” we may be challenged to
put other relationships ahead of our marriages. Once we are married, we would
do well, however, to remember that after Christ, the most important
relationship we have is with our spouse.
Conclusion
Collectively,
the icons of Christ the Bridegroom, Sts. Joachim and Anna, and the Wedding at Cana encapsulate the meaning of a
wholesome and meaningful marriage. In
the icon of Christ the Bridegroom, we are given the image of the perfect spouse
who unconditionally and sacrificially loves His beloved from a place of
fullness and wholeness, grounded in His relationship with the Father and
emulating, in his humanity, personal and relational self-care. This icon holds up for us both who we are and
who we are becoming. In the icon of Sts.
Joachim and Anna, we are given the image of the tender, loving, affectionate,
embrace of the couple, signifying the exclusive intimate relationship of
husband and wife. Finally, in the icon
of the Wedding at Cana, we see the married couple in the context of all of
those who constitute the communities in which they live, reminding us that in
marriage we do not live in isolation and that we are responsible to hold up
marriage as the primary human relationship in our lives while maintaining and
growing loving relationships with others.
By Presvytera
Kerry Pappas
Source: https://www.goarch.org/-/sacred-image-sacred-marriage
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