In the
midst of everything that is going on in college, I know that many of you are
probably also thinking about getting married or pursing romantic relationships.
Dating can be a tough scene for us Orthodox Christians–let’s be honest: there
are not that many of us, and there can be a lot of pressure from family to make
something work or to choose a particular kind of person. Not to mention the
crazy way the world often treats relationships as means simply to fulfill our
own selfish desires. A little advice:
Take your
time to find the right person. No matter how many times yiayia asks you when
you’re getting married and making babies, hold out for the right person–the
person who makes it easy to love, forgive, and live a life of faith.
Trust
your parents, your priest, and your peers. Within reason. If there is a
resounding “please-don’t-marry-this-person” coming from all directions, chances
are, something’s not right.
Keep
marriage in mind, but don’t overdo it. Yes, we date with the question, “Am I
going to marry this person?” present in our minds and prayerfully in our
hearts, but, especially when you are first getting to know someone, you don’t
need to rush to that conclusion. Protecting yourself from giving away too much
of who you are (and I’m not just talking sex) too quickly can help you
strengthen a relationship over time if it is the right one.
Look for
someone better than you. If you feel like you are dragging a person behind you
in any way, but especially spiritually, this is not the person for you. Not
only are you setting yourself up for a giant lack of humility, if that person
really isn’t your equal, you could be setting yourself up for a difficult
marriage. Your spouse should humble you with their faith and devotion, they
should have spiritual gifts you admire, especially ones which you feel like you
lack. Along the same lines, avoid dating someone you see as “a fixer-upper.”
It’s not good if you think you need to save your significant other or be a
missionary via dating.
Pray.
Pray for guidance in finding the right person and help to navigate your
relationships when you get into them. Pray for your future spouse, even if you
haven’t met them yet. And with that, here are a few saints who can help you
along the way:
St. Xenia (Ksenia) of St. Petersburg
St. Xenia
(January 24) is known for helping people with the things she herself lost or
gave up in her own lifetime: a spouse, a house, and a job. She was a young
married woman, living somewhat carefree and never really thinking about her
soul when her young husband died suddenly after he’d been out drinking with his
friends. Shocked, Xenia ran from St. Petersburg, returning eight years later as
a homeless wanderer. Many of the people derided her as an insane homeless
person, but she bore their insults while praying unceasingly for the people of
St. Petersburg. In her own life, she was granted the gifts of prophecy and
great prayer. When it comes to looking for the right person, St. Xenia is known
not only for bringing together godly people but also for saving young people
from bad marriages. Pray to her as you are considering who to date and whether
or not he or she is the right person for you. Know this, once St. Xenia has
entered into your life, she’ll likely be around for the rest of it, and she is
known for often answering prayers very quickly–be prepared (I know this not
only from many stories I have heard from others, but from my own experience–my
first daughter is named for this amazing saint because of her constant
intercessions for us).
Sts. Joachim and Anna
I once
heard of a young couple who had just started dating and were asking a married
woman they considered a spiritual mentor, “To whom should we pray for our
relationship?” They wanted to know who might help them discern whether this was
the right relationship and who would help them remain pure in their intentions
and their actions as they got to know each other. The woman brilliantly
suggested Sts. Joachim and Anna (September 9). Sts. Joachim and Anna, the
parents of the Mother of God, were both from important Jewish lineages, St.
Joachim being the descendant of King David and St. Anna being of the tribe of
Levi, the tribe of the priesthood. What’s most notable, of course, is that they
put their trust in God in their relationship, having faith in Him that He would
bless them with a child even in their old age. They prayed to God for each
other and for a miracle to be worked in their lives. The icon of them embracing
each other depicts a pure and devoted love that we can hope to imitate in our
own (eventual) marriages.
Source: http://www.ocf.net/dating-advice-orthodox-style/
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