Guidelines
for parents with young children in the parish. Reprinted from a 1999
CrossRoads, written by Kh. Frederica.
Father
Gregory and the Sisterhood, as well as individual parishioners and parents,
have been chatting about what standards of behavior we want children to meet in
church. In one way it’s harder having no pews; to a child, that expanse of
carpet looks a lot like the space in front of the TV at home.
But this
is a sacred place, a place at which we are constantly told to “Attend!”, and
these are skills children need to learn. Every child is moving toward being
able to stand throughout the service, behaving reverently and attentively.
Let’s do our best to discourage any behavior that leads in another direction.
Father
and I brainstormed some suggestions the other night to be used as guidelines
according to your child’s age and capabilities:
1. Stand on the carpet, sit in a chair or sit
quietly (perhaps at an adult’s feet) on the carpet. Do not lie on the
carpet at any time (except for babies). Sleepy children can be held in the arms
of a parent until they fall asleep. When they are asleep, they can be placed on
the floor (preferably facing the altar).
2. Toes toward the altar. Teach
the child to keep his or her toes pointed toward the altar at all times. Always
face the altar, never turn your back on it (even when facing the procession
during the Great Entrance, turn back counterclockwise rather than turn directly
toward the back.) No large muscle motions — a child standing and facing the
altar should not be waving arms, swiveling, etc.
3. Stay in one place. A child
should “stake out” an area and stick to it, and not move around the church.
Exception: there is an age during which wiggly babies demand to be put on the
floor, and once there take off crawling rapidly. You pick them up and the cycle
immediately begins again. This phase doesn’t last too long, so we should be
patient with these little explorers. If a baby crawls by you, pick him up,
maybe even hold him and help him focus on the service before returning him to
his parents.
4. Help other out. In
general, adults not caring for their own children should help our swamped young
parents watch over their kids. In many cases, these parents are outnumbered by
their kids! If you feel drawn to a particular child, ask her parents if you can
help them mind her during church.
5. Noise, noise, noise. Each
parent needs to determine at what point their child has become too noisy.
Occasional noise is fine, but continual noise can be very distracting. Some
parents have found that taking the child out for making noise results in more
noise because the child wants a change of scenery, or wants to play with toys.
Some children also view this time alone with Mom as a victory. If any of these
scenarios become a problem, the child could be taken out by Dad or an adult
“helper.”
6. Refrain from playing and talking. Children
should not play with each other or talk to each other. Adults bending down to
explain the service to children is fine, and may help them not be bored. The
bookstore has a couple of good child- level guides to the church and the
liturgy. Aim to convey to your children that church is a place you want to be
because you find love and joy there, and you want them to share in these good
things.
7. No food in church, though
bottles and sippy-cups are OK when necessary for babies and toddlers. At some
point children need to begin fasting before communion, like adults do.
8. Toys should be kept to an absolute minimum — a
necessary favorite teddy bear is one thing, dressing up Barbies is another. If
toys are brought into the service, they should be selected for their “quiet”
qualities — i.e they don’t make noise when dropped and they don’t encourage the
child to supply noises for them. Especially beware of provoking resentment in
children whose parents don’t allow them to play in church, or undermining their
discipline. “So and so does it, why can’t I?”
9. Think of those around you. Remember
that behavior that doesn’t seem distracting to you could be distracting to the
people behind you — particularly the choir, which has a birds-eye view of
everything anyone does.
The key
to success in all this is practice at home. Have an evening prayer time at your
icon corner where children learn to stand and be quiet and reverent. Explain
that your home icon corner is like a “branch” from the main altar at church,
and that that altar deserves even more respect. There are relics embedded in
the wooden cross under our altar, and it has been consecrated by our Bishop,
who told us that an angel stands there constantly in worship. Adults, as well
as children, need to treat the church and especially the altar area with great
respect.
Children
will object to these expectations, but they learn to do many things they don’t
want to because parents insist on them: brushing teeth, having a regular
bedtime, not eating cookies before dinner. When parents have a firm reverence
for the church and insist on these standards, children will meet them.
Source: https://www.holycrossonline.org/church-etiquette-for-kids/
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