Why are
our Orthodox Single Parents so seemingly neglected in the writings and life of
the Church? Our Orthodox Christian
treasure of writing does not contain much on single parenting. But in our society, single parenting is a
common reality. So why the darn-near
silence from the Church of Christ on the matter?
We are
beginning to see a lot more written about divorce, and there is certainly a lot
written about grieving a loved one’s loss (such as a spouse or parent). These are the two ways a marriage is
split. But we have yet to see much
written about life AFTERWARD. The
frequent occurrence of divorce that we see today is novel- new to our society
and certainly new to Orthodoxy. The idea
of having a child outside of wedlock (whether purposely or not) is also
novel. And because children were often
raised by multiple generations of family, not just the parents, the loss of one
parent was not as devastating as it is in today’s isolationist society. So maybe we are still dealing with these
newer realities theologically and just haven’t gotten as far as what happens
afterward yet.
I think
it is also rare to see writing in the Orthodox Tradition about single parenting
because the instructions that are given to married parents within the
Scriptures and the writings of the fathers remain constant for single parents
as well. A parent is still a parent and
has the same responsibilities and privileges given to them by God, whether
married or not. In addition, again,
divorce was not nearly as common then as it is now. It was shameful then, whereas now it is
commonplace, still painful, yes, but it does not carry as much shame as it did
in previous ages. As a result, there
would not have been much written about it.
I’ve been
thinking a lot about single parents lately.
I have friends and family who are either single parents or soon to be
who are struggling with the burdens of parenthood. I am a crisis/trauma/grief counselor in
training, and much of grief counseling deals with life after the loss of a
loved one. So this topic is on my heart,
and I want to offer some thoughts in a small series that will hopefully be a
little nugget of help and comfort for single parents among the faithful out
there, a little Avgolemono (the Greek equivalent of chicken soup) for the
Orthodox Single Parent’s Soul.
Navigating
the journey of parenting in a one man boat ain’t no Carnival Cruise, that’s for
sure. Almost every occurrence of single
parenting begins with hard times.
Whether it’s caused by a divorce, a death, or never involved a spouse to
begin with, single parenting almost always brings with it difficulty. We cannot
ever answer the question, “why did this happen to me?” To know the answer would be to know the mind
of God. He knows something we
don’t. He sees a big picture that we
can’t see. He knows that this difficult
time is going to lead us somewhere that He plans for us to go. Our challenge is to be patient, trust Him,
and wait for all to be revealed.
In the
meantime, what we do know is that He suffers right along with us. What you are feeling right now, He
feels. The most profound sentence in the
Gospels, in my opinion, is in the Gospel of John, where it is written, “Jesus
wept.” He suffered at the loss of his
friend Lazarus. He suffers with you,
too.
All of the
emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual responsibilities that parents have
to their children are easier fulfilled when there are two people to do the
work, right? Unfortunately, this means
that you are doing the work of two people on your own. But should you be? You cannot realistically, as a single parent,
do double duty. You physically cannot be
both mom and dad. God understands this.
In His great love for us, He knows that there is no way for you to expend the
same amount of energy on parental tasks as two parents would. And he knows that
the uniqueness of motherhood and fatherhood cannot be achieved by the remaining
parent when one is missing. So don’t
push yourself to try and be all things to all people. Our comfort, then, is that God is always able
to mystically fill that which is lacking.
As a single parent, you are going to need to trust Him to fill that
which would normally be filled by a spouse.
So, the
most important thing to know as a single parent is that while you may be rowing
this boat all on your own, God is the one directing the winds, controlling the
currents, and steering the sharks clear of your little dinghy. The point is, you really are not on your own. God has not, and never will, abandon
you. Your first responsibility as a
parent, single or not, is to not abandon God.
More on that point to come.
Single
parents, we hear you! Watch for more
articles on single parenting in this series by Presbytera Mari, as well as
other authors and other tools and resources just for you!
Source: http://www.familylifeministry.atlanta.goarch.org/avgolemono-for-the-orthodox-single-parents-soul/
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