One of
our biggest worries and sources of anguish as parents is when our children
leave home and then fall away from the teachings of the Church. This is true
especially in regards to sexual behaviors. Let's assume for this discussion
that the parents have provided a loving relationship for the child and have
joined with them in daily prayer and regular participation in the sacramental
life of the Church. In other words, the parents have done everything
"right" in the child's Orthodox upbringing. Even in such a case, when
a child leaves home, he or she is now, often for the first time, under the
guidance of their own free will. It is not unusual that your child will misuse
this God-given gift, just as you surely have in your younger years.
What is a
parent to do when they find out their child has gone astray?
Elder
Paisios has a surprising answer.
Even the most serious fall of the children
shouldn't make parents desperate, for sin has become fashionable in our time.
They should always keep in mind the following: Now days, young people will be
granted certain "extenuating circumstances" and will be judged with
leniency for their transgressions. Today a grade of "seven" for
conduct is the equivalent to the "ten" - "excellent" of our
schooldays. Of course, parents will always try to help their children, but they
mustn't be overly anxious. Children will get more sensible and experienced with
time. Right now they may not understand what is good because their mind has not
yet matured. Their mind is cloudy and it lacks clarity to discern the danger
that lies ahead and the irreparable damage they can suffer.
Realizing
that today's culture is much more difficult than the one we as parents were
raised in, how are we to react to the misadventures of our children. Are we to
get upset and confront them? Should we
try to constraint them in any way? Should we disassociate ourselves from them
as long as they engage in sinful activities?
What are we to do?
Elder
Paisios says,
It would be good if the parents indicated to
the child that they do not get upset over unacceptable behavior; but they
mustn't become overbearing; and of course, they should continue to pray.
Prayers, spoken with pain, are effective. If the child does something very
serious, the parents must intervene appropriately. If it is not so serious,
they they can overlook it a little, so as not to provoke the child and make the
situation worse by causing the child to distance himself from them. They must
pray to Christ and Panagia to protect their child.
He is
saying that we need to let them know that we are understanding of the difficult
condition that they now face and our love for them is unconditional. We want
them to know that they can continue to confide in us and we will try and offer
loving advice that will be helpful to them as they mature and struggle to
overcome the difficulties of life lived out of their own free will. We can
share with them our own struggles. And most importantly we must offer fervent
prayers in their behalf.
The Elder
tells a story:
When I was at the Skete of Iveron, a young
man came by chance and found me. He was wandering in Chalkidiki, found some
group of pilgrims coming to the Holy Mountain and came with them to the
kellion. My goodness, he was an atheist, blasphemous, most imprudent! He had a
devilish cleverness and believed in
nothing. He swore at all the other pilgrims, young and old. With patience and a
little effort, I brought him to some reckoning; I gave him a haircut, too,
because he had very long hair. "Look", I told him, "may your
mother be well, for it was certainly her prayers that brought you here."
"You are right, Father," he told me. "I was wandering in
Chalkidiki, and I don't even know how I got here." "If your mother
finds out that you have come here to the Holy Mountain and sees you with your
hair cut, she will feel such joy for you!" "How did you know that,
Father? My mother will truly be overjoyed to see me so changed!" he
responded. God turned him this way and that way and guided him to the ... master!
How much prayer his mother must have poured out for him!
Source: http://orthodoxwayoflife.blogspot.com.by/2013/07/how-to-deal-with-child-who-goes-astray.html
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