Before
confession, each person must attempt to recall all of his sins, voluntary and
involuntary, must attentively go over his life in order, to the extent
possible, to recall all of his sins, not only those committed since his last
confession, but also those past sins which through forgetfulness have not been
confessed. Then, with compunction and with a contrite heart, approach the Cross
and the Gospel, and begin to confess your sins.
1) Confess your sins honestly, remembering that
you are disclosing them not to a man but to God Himself, Who already knows your
sins, but wishes you to admit to them. There is no reason to feel shame before
your spiritual father. He is a person just like you. Because he knows human
weakness and man’s propensity to sin he cannot be your judge. Are you
embarrassed before your spiritual father because you are afraid to lose his
good opinion of you? To the contrary, your spiritual father will love you all
the more, seeing your sincere confession. Moreover, if you are ashamed to
disclose your sins to a single spiritual father, then how will you be able to
bear the shame if you have not cleansed yourself of your sins through true
confession, and those sins are laid open before God Himself, before the angels
and before everyone, acquaintance and stranger alike?
2) Confess all of your sins in full, each sin
separately. St. John Chrysostom states, "One must not only say: I have
sinned, or I am a sinner, but one must declare each form of sin." I.e.,
one must list each sin. St. Basil the Great states, "Revelation of sins is
subject to the same law as the relating of physical ills…" The sinner is
spiritually ill, and the spiritual father is a physician or healer. It follows
that you must confess or relate your sins to your spiritual father in the same
way that a physically ill person relates his symptoms to a physician, thereby
hoping to be healed.
3) Do not mention others during confession. Do
not complain about anyone, for what kind of confession would that be? Instead
of confession, it would be a condemnation, and thus, yet another sin.
4) In confession, do not attempt to justify
yourself in any way, blaming weakness, habit, etc. The more you justify
yourself during confession, the less you will be justified by God, while the
more you denounce, condemn and accuse yourself, the more you will be justified
by God.
5) When questioned by your spiritual father, do
not say "I do not remember, perhaps I am not guilty of that." God
directed us to always be mindful of our sins. In order not to justify ourselves
by forgetfulness, we must confess as often as possible. Those who out of
carelessness confess infrequently, and as a result forget some of their sins,
are themselves to blame, and therefore cannot hope to be absolved of the sins
not confessed. Thus it is imperative that we strive to remember all of our
sins. If someone is in our debt, we are sure to keep it in mind. Yet we forget
our own debt before God! Does this not betray on our part a lack of concern for
our soul?
6) Unless asked by the spiritual father, do not
talk about sins you have not committed, or about what you have not done. That
is to say, do not emulate the Pharisee in the Gospel, who only praised himself,
and did not confess his sins; thereby he only caused his condemnation to be
greater.
7) We must confess with sorrow and a contrite
heart the sins by which we have grieved our Lord God. It is not good that many
relate their sins matter-of-factly, without any remorse. They speak as if
engaged in some casual conversation. Even worse, some allow themselves to laugh
during confession. These are all signs of a lack of repentance. By confessing
in this manner, we are not cleansed of sins, but only increase them.
8) Finally, confess your sins with faith in
Jesus Christ and with hope in His mercy. Only with faith and hope in Jesus
Christ can we receive forgiveness of sins. Without faith, we can in no wise be
forgiven. Note the example of Judas the betrayer.
Source: https://stjohndc.org/en/content/proper-confession
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