Archimandrite Andrew Konanos: Two Main Signs of that You Have Met Your Spouse

It is very difficult to make a person change. If you want to change someone, then at first you have to change yourself.  Not with your preaching addressed to others. We all are good at preaching. We make speeches to change other people, but we do not want to change ourselves.

Some people get married with a clear purpose – to change another person. One young women got married although she had been told: he is not a match for you. And she replied: “I will marry him and he will change. I will manage to change him. It is just enough to get married”.

Marriage is not suitable for such a mission as changing other people. The spouse saw the “missionary” intentions of his wife and let her understand clearly: “If you have married me in order to change me, you are deluding yourself.  We both need to work on ourselves then”.

It is important that both spouses work on themselves, on their character. They must not blame each other.
Archimandrite Andrew (Konanos)
Our houses are turning into courts. We invite our uncles, aunts and other relatives so that they become our judges, who must decide who of us is right or wrong. This is why there are so many people who come to a priest to prove them right. “Father, am I right?” – “Yes, you are right.” – “Good”. 

Take your rightousness! But tell me, what are you going to do with it? Will it save your marriage?

One woman thought that she was always right. She told about her husband just like about a monster. “Father, he is a despot!” Once this “despot” came to the church. I looked at him: he was an absolutely normal person. But his wife always told he was a despot because she wanted everyone to consider her right.

The “despot” told me: “Father, you have no idea about how I am living with my wife… She is dejected and unsatisfied with everything. She is always worried; she blames everyone around and offends me, too. What is this? This is a person who goes to church… What do you teach in this church?”

Indeed, what do we teach?..

Ask yourself whether your marriage has the main signs that prove everything is all right. There are several signs of a happy marriage. What are they?

Safety. Do you feel safe in your house? Do you feel peace, confidence and trust? A woman needs to be sure that if she asks her husband for 10-20 euro for her own purpose, she will get it and still will be in financial and psychological safety.  So, the first sign is safety.

Some people do not feel safe in their own marriage. They are worrying because they do not know what the next day will bring them. For example, a husband does nothing and does not seek for a job. Consequently, his wife will feel uncertainty.

Some young women tell me: “Father, I want to get married. Can you advise me a good man? It does not matter for me which talents he has. The main thing is that he should support me in our life”.

However, a husband also needs psychological support from his wife.

And the second sign is the feeling of value. You feel that someone needs you and that your close ones value you. You feel that you are here not just by chance.

“You mean a lot for me in this world. You are not an accidental person in my life. It was you who I have noticed and chosen among all the people in this world. This is why you play an important role in my life and fill my life with sense…”

Do not forger to value the person you have chosen.

From the book by Archimandrite Andrew Konanos, 
“There are certain difficulties in marriage…”

Translated by The Catalog of Good Deeds

Source: http://pravlife.org/content/arh-andrey-konanos-dva-glavnyh-priznaka-togo-chto-vy-vstretili-svoyu-polovinu