Theological and scriptural grounding
It is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting, for death is the destiny of every man; the
living should take this to heart. (Ecclesiastes 7:2 NIV)
In
addition to various individual factors or, as Worden calls them, mediators of
mourning (see 37-43), human reaction to loss is also determined by social
variables (ibid. 43). Social frameworks
within which we operate, social roles we play, as well as religious subcultures
“provide us with guidelines and rituals for behavior” (ibid. 44). Furthermore, religious teaching and the
differing degrees of its internalization provide a person with either inner
strength and support in times of loss and grief or with pain, disorientation
and despair. The Christian Church offers
its children the sustenance of hope and joy through its teaching of theology,
anthropology, ontology, ecclesiology, and soteriology. In this paper I shall only briefly outline
the main themes of Orthodox Christian teaching concerning death and dying,
since each one of the aforementioned areas has been covered in great detail by
the ancients and the moderns alike. In
this brief exposé I will rely heavily on the work and teaching of Aleksei
Osipov, a professor of theology at the Moscow Theological Academy, because he,
in my opinion, though being a modern, carefully carries forth the treasure of
the teaching of the ancients.
Theology
The core
of Christianity is its belief in God.
Moreover, it is a religious belief.
One of the meanings of the word “religion” may be understood through the
Latin word religō or repairing (re-) of the connection with God (-ligō). As Osipov shows in his work Put’ razuma v
poiskah istiny (“The Path of Mind in Search of Truth”), not all beliefs are
religious in nature.
Some of them hide real materialism and
atheism behind a religious façade. In
others, an overt mysticism is mixed with conscious and overt rebellion against
God. Yet others… lack the very idea of
the necessity of a spiritual connection between human and God. (112)
Christianity,
on the other hand, is preoccupied with restoring of the lost connection,
finding the lost Paradise, returning home like the prodigal son (Luke 15:17),
or attaining salvation from bondage to decay (Rom. 8:21 NIV). Unlike other Christian denominations,
Orthodoxy goes further than the restoration of iustitia originales and speaks
of theosis, the potential of him or her who was created in the image of God
(Gen. 1:27) to achieve the likeness of God (Gen. 1:26). Thus, the issue of proper theology becomes
paramount to an Orthodox Christian. If
we are to strive for the likeness of God, we must determine what He is
like. In other words, as I mentioned in
my paper τελοσ δε αγνειας υποθεσις θεολογιας,
[Orthodox] worldview is theocentric and the
goodness is understood not in what God can give or save from, but in God
[Himself]. In other words, “the measure
of all things” in this world view is not the man, as Protagoras suggested, but
God Who is the etalon, the fundamental principle of life. The ultimate goal in this case is not in
acquiring good things that God bestows, but God Personself, or in the words of
St. Seraphim of Sarov, “the acquisition of the Holy Spirit of God”; and since
the God of Christian revelation is Love[3] (1 John 4:8), then acquisition of
the Holy Spirit can be viewed as the acquisition of love and not only (or
mainly not) as an action directed toward the person, but also as an action
directed from the person. Of course,
Christian revelation speaks about love as the highest human term that can be
used, but there are certainly others: truth, purity, wisdom, righteousness,
etc. All of these words, of course,
cannot with any degree of adequacy describe God; and many of them lack precise
definitions themselves. Who can give a
precise definition to the word ‘love,’ for example? To say ‘love,’ however, is not to say nothing
at all. Words like that give us the
correct vector, point us in the right direction; for example: God is purity—not
filth, God is truth—not falsehood, God is love—not hatred. (7-8)
In Life
After Death in World Religions, Pendelhum tentatively attempts to define love
through actions:
Acting out of love is acting for the good of
others without asking whether they deserve it. (32)
It is,
therefore, important to note that the death of a person is precisely the time
when the action of the whole life, the force directed or vectored and applied,
culminates: the person is at last united with the aspiration of his or her very
being, reaches the destination to which he or she traveled for years and
decades. This destination, seemingly
different for different people, according to Christian beliefs is either toward
God or away from God. The direction of
this movement is determined by that which if often called the spirit of a
person.
Anthropology
Christian
teaching speaks of a human consisting of the “spirit, soul and body” (1 Thess.
5:23 NIV). While we do not hesitate in
defining the body as the physical part of a human and the soul as “the
innermost aspect of man, that which is greatest value in him” (Catechism of the
Catholic Church 363), the spirit is not so easily defined. The same Catechism of the Catholic Church,
for example, says that “’spirit’ signifies that from creation man is ordered to
a supernatural end…” (367)—hardly a definition capable of settling anyone’s
curiosity. In his lectures on Christian
Anthropology, Osipov offers a more expanded view of the spirit. In my paper τελοσ δε αγνειας υποθεσις
θεολογιας I give a brief synopsis of Osipov’s view as I understand it:
Of course, it is impossible to give an
adequate definition of spirit. Firstly,
it is because God is Spirit, that is to say the Spirit is the source, first
cause, and the primary principle of all existence and, as is well known,
primary elements do not have definitions.[4] Secondly, defining spirit we must
necessarily place limits and draw boundaries for God, Who does not have limits
or boundaries. However, I think it may
be possible to talk about the qualities of the Spirit, especially as they
relate to a human. I propose to accept
the idea related by A.I. Osipov, and think about the spirit not as some sort of
substance or “thin” matter, but as a vector, a direction, a goal of yearning. Therefore, a human spirit can be defined by
that goal which the person ultimately wants to reach, the direction in which
the person’s vector points. And if that
ultimate goal is Goodness, that is to say God Who is the ultimate Goodness,
then through this yearning for goodness, moving toward it, a person becomes
like God, Who is not only the ultimate Goodness, but also is the ultimate
movement toward goodness, or the vector that always points in one
direction—goodness. (4-5)
This
vector or human spirit, therefore, determines the destination of the last journey
of the departed. Technically speaking,
the only thing that really matters is the direction in which the vector of the
human spirit is pointing at the time of death.
However, just as the acceleration of an athlete determines the direction
of the jump, so does the life of a person determines in which direction the
vector will point (Osipov, O smerti [“On Death”]).
Thus,
having been separated from the body, the soul either enters into the joy of her
Lord (Matt. 25:21), or, having spent earthly life hiding from God (Gen. 3:8)
and indulging in passions, the soul finds itself bound to the spirits of those
passions which torment her and tear at her as hyenas tear at their prey. Those who have not set their vector on achieving
the likeness of God, will not only be unable to unite with God, but “as smoke
is blown away by the wind… [and] as wax melts before the fire” (Ps. 68:2 NIV)
they will seek a place away from God’s Countenance and “go away into
everlasting punishment” (Matt. 25:46 NIV).
Yet fleeing they will be unable to flee from God’s presence because
“through Him all things were made; without Him nothing was made that has been
made” (John 1:3 NIV).
Ontology
All
creation exists within God, the Source of all existence. In the words of St. Gregory Palamas:
God is and is called the nature of all that
is in existence, for everything is in Him and exists because it is [in Him]…
(qtd. in Osipov, Put razuma v poiskah istiny 369)
In other
words, both the living and those whom we call departed are fundamentally in the
same condition—they exist within the existence in God.[5] The difference is
that the living are given time to come closer to God’s likeness or conform
themselves more to God’s laws of existence, while the departed do not have such
an option.
Likewise,
the Scripture insists on the common existence of both the living and the
departed and on their connection through God:
…even Moses showed that the dead rise, for he
calls the Lord ‘the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.
He is not the God of the dead, but of
the living, for to him all are alive. (Luke 20:37-38 NIV)
Ecclesiology
The
connection between the living and the dead becomes even more clear within the
context of Orthodox ecclesiology.
According to Osipov, the Orthodox Church teaches of the organic
connection between the living and the departed as members of Christ’s Body (O
Tserkvi [“On the Church”]; cf. 1 Cor. 12:27).
As in a human body, where an ailing member receives healthy blood and
healing from the healthy members, the members of Christ’s Body are able to
offer and receive help, healing and comfort through the living, organic
connection (see Rom 12:4-5, 1 Cor. 12:12, ).
Perhaps, it is this view of ecclesiology that has supported the ancient
practice of offering prayers and sacrifices for the departed—a practice which
otherwise makes little sense in purely anthropological studies.
Soteriology
Thus,
helping and comforting each other, both the living and the departed members of
Christ’s Body can hope to attain salvation.
According to Kuraev, Christianity teaches that having sinned, the first
humans became ill with death and this illness is transmitted to all of their
descendants (Vostok I Zapad [“East and West”]).. The task of salvation, therefore, is not merely
in pronouncing that humans are forgiven—such a pronouncement is nice, but quite
useless to those who are not only on death row, but also suffer from a terminal
illness. In His salvific act, Christ not
only declared the forgiveness of sins, but also offered a way to cure from the
terminal illness: “Jesus answered, ‘I am the way and the truth and the life. No
one comes to the Father except through me.’” (John 14:6). As Pendelhum states in Life After Death in
World Religions,
Christianity is unique among world’s
religions in the nature of the claims it makes about its founder. He is seen not merely as a teacher or
example, but as someone whose life and death are accorded a cosmic significance
that holds the key to the cure of the deepest ills of the human condition. (31)
Through
His incarnation, death and resurrection Christ offered salvation within his
Body. Christ is the only One Who
defeated death and the only One Who rose from the dead, thus, victory over
death and the way to resurrection and life can be found only within Christ’s
Body:
Once you were alienated from God and were
enemies in your minds… But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body…
(Col. 1:21-22 NIV)
I am the living bread that came down from
heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my
flesh, which I will give for the life of the world. (John 6:51 NIV)
Both the
living and the departed, therefore, are receiving salvation and are able to
offer and receive help and comfort, according to Orthodox teachings, through
“His [Christ’s] Body, which is the Church” (Col. 1:24). Those members of the Body, who have not
succeeded at fully rejecting their sinful passions, are still attached to them
and tormented by them after they depart this life, are able to receive, however
limited, comfort from the Church through prayers and other means. Being unable to repent after the death of the
physical body, the reposed, through the prayers of the Church, are able to have
strength and maintain hope of salvation.
In the words of St. Epiphany of Cyprus:
Those who are living and are left (on the
earth) believe that those who are dead and departed are not lacking existence,
but are alive before God. As the holy
Church teaches us to pray for our traveling brethren with faith and hope that
the prayers are beneficial to them, the same must be understood about those who
departed this world. (qtd. in St. John [Maximovich])
Communal scriptural and theological grounding
Give graciously to all the living; do not
withhold kindness even from the dead. (Sirach 7:33 NRSV)
The
Orthodox Church does not have strict theological definitions and explanations
for why it adheres to the ancient practice of honoring the departed ones in
prayer. The nature of our relationship
with this millennia-long practice is well illustrated by the following episode
from the life of St. Macarius of Alexandria:
St. Macarius of Alexandria once asked the
angels who escorted him in the desert, “When the fathers were told to make
offerings for the reposed in the church on the third, ninth, and fortieth day,
what good does it do to the soul of the departed?” An angel answered, “God did not allow
anything to be in the Church which is not good and useful; rather, He
established heavenly and earthly Sacraments in His Church and commanded to do
them.” (qtd. in St. Feofan)
The
importance of the prayer for the departed is further supported by accounts such
as the following:
Before the canonization of St. Theodosius of
Chernigov (1896), a priest-monk … who changed vestments on the relics became
tired and, sitting near the relics, he fell asleep and saw the saint, who
appeared to him and said, “Thank you that you labor for me. I also ask you that when you serve the
Liturgy, please remember my parents”; and he gave the names (priest Nikita and
Maria). Before this vision their names
were unknown. A few years after the canonization, at the monastery where St.
Theodosius had been the abbot, there was found his commemoration book, which
confirmed these names and confirmed the truth of the vision. “How can you, a saint, ask for my prayers, when
you yourself stand before the Heavenly Throne and give to people God’s grace?”
asked the priest-monk, “Yes, this is true,–answered St. Theodosius,–but the
offering at the Liturgy is more powerful than my prayers.” (qtd in St. John [Maximovich])
Likewise,
the theologians of the Church confirmed the importance of the prayer for the
reposed:
One must not deny that the souls of the
reposed receive comfort from the piety of the living, when the Sacrifice of the
Mediator is offered for them or when alms are given in the church… (Blessed
Augustine; qtd. in St. Filaret of Moscow)
Even if a sinner is departed, as much as we
can, we must help: not by tears, but by prayers, supplications, and alms, and
offerings. For these were not just
thought up, nor is it in vain that we remember the departed in the Divine
mysteries… but that from this they might receive some comfort. (St. John
Chrysostom; qtd. in ibid.)
The
Orthodox Church, therefore, continues to lift up Her prayers and bring
offerings to the Holy Altar for the departed not only on the days described in
the workshop section above, but also at every public service that is held in
the church, on several special days throughout the year and especially during
Great Lent. The Church does it not only
for the benefit of the reposed, but also for the benefit and comfort of the
bereaved, facilitating the grieving process and healing the broken hearts.
Rituals of the Church
The
office of Holy Oil
Significance for the grieving and pastoral
care opportunities: The grieving are encouraged to offer active
prayer for the person who is suffering; the text of the service offers hope of
recovery and end of suffering. The text
of the service anticipates, works through and offers answers to some of the
common questions that the bereaved may have: Why is the person suffering? What are the causes and reasons for
suffering? What is the meaning of human
life and human suffering? Can suffering
end? How can we help? The grieving are guided through the process
of making sense of the suffering of the loved one through Christian ontology
and anthropology explored within the text of the service of Holy Unction.
Additionally,
as priests (up to seven) are invited to perform the service, there is
opportunity for counseling and the employment of the network of community
resources. The service calls for 7
priests to get together at the bedside of the suffering person. Even in cities, where the concentration of
churches and clergy is higher than in the country, the gathering of seven priests
would represent several parishes. In the
countryside, the priests gathered for the service may represent not only
several parishes, but also more than one deanery. Even if the number of priests available to
attend the service is smaller, which is usually the case in the Western
American Diocese of the Russian Church abroad, several pastors gathered
together not only represent the prayers of the larger Christian community on
behalf of the afflicted, but also are able to offer their combined pastoral
experience to benefit the family as well as a variety of community support
services and other resources.
“O
Physician and Helper of them that are suffering, O Redeemer and Savior of them
that are in afflictions: Do Thou Thyself, O Master and Lord, grant healing unto
Thine afflicted servant; show compassion, have mercy on him (her) who has
grievously sinned, and deliver him (her), O Christ, from his (her) iniquities,
that he (she) may glorify Thy divine power” (Kathisma hymn, Tone 4).
The office at the parting of the soul from
the body
Significance for the grieving: The
suffering person and the grieving family and friends are faced with the reality
of the fast-approaching death. It is
reminded over and over during the service that the time for death has come;
instead of fighting the reality of death in their minds and hearts, the
grieving are eased into the communal prayer of farewell. During these short moments before crossing
the threshold, perhaps the most important moments of the whole life, the
departing one and the grieving ones are encouraged to abandon the futile and
atheist thrashing and fighting against the inevitable, and instead to
concentrate their minds and spirits on the process of the passing, and to join
together in a prayer of repentance, hope, and joyful anticipation of the
motherly embrace of the Most Holy Theotokos, as the departing one passes. Through the gentle yet firm guidance of the
prayers and as part of the community, the grieving are assisted in beginning to
accomplish the first task of mourning—“to accept the reality of the loss”
(Worden 27).
Quotes from the canon:
“Behold,
the time for help! Behold, the time for
protection! behold, O Sovereign Lady,
the time for which, day and night, I fell down and warmly entreated thee” (from
Ode 1).
“As the
wings of a sanctified dove, stretch forth thy most-pure and all-honorable
hands, and shelter me under their protection and shelter, O Sovereign Lady”
(from Ode 4).
“Look
down on me from above, O Mother of God, and mercifully attend now unto the
visitation that has come upon me, that, gazing on thee, I may depart from the
body with rejoicing” (from Ode 6).
The
office after the parting of the soul from body
Main
themes: prayers of the living for the peaceful repose of the departed; hope of
the remission of sins and the future resurrection rooted in the love and
compassion of Christ.
Significance
for the grieving: At the time when the soul of the loved one has departed the
body, when the grieving family and friends have lost any hope for a recovery of
the afflicted one and the realization of the loss sets in with a sense of helplessness,
the beautiful words of the church service invite the grieving to accept the
reality of loss (Task 1 [Worden 27]), to begin working through the pain of
grief (Task 2 [Worden 30]) in a guided way, and to begin to emotionally
relocate the reposed (Task 4 [Worden 35]).
In
inviting the grieving to actively participate in the prayer for the reposed,
the Church gently guides them out of the sate of possible initial shock and
despair which may be experienced at the time of death and into active realization
of the reality of death through active participation in the supplications:
“I will
pour out my prayer unto the Lord, and to him will I proclaim my sorrows. For my soul is filled with afflictions, and
my life has drawn near to Hades. And
like Jonah I will pray: Raise me up from corruption, O God.” (Ode 6 Irmos)
“Opening
my lips, grant me a word to pray, O kindhearted Savior, for him (her) that has
now departed, that he (she) find rest, O Master.” (Ode 1 Troparion )
“In the
place of Thy rest, O Lord, where all Thy Saints repose, give rest also to the
soul of Thy servant, for Thou lovest mankind.” (from litany)
“Again we
pray for the repose of the soul of the servant of God, N., departed this life;
and that he (she) may be pardoned all his (her) transgressions, both voluntary
and involuntary.” (from litany)
After the
initial rather short service, the grieving have time to continue working
through the pain of loss in a variety of ways: by lovingly preparing the body
of the departed one for burial, by taking turns reading the Psalter, and by
taking some quiet time to rest, contemplate, pray, cry, or give and receive
comforting.
The preparation of the body and the reading
of the Psalter
Details (see The Great Book of Needs
3:110-112): The body is washed with water (bodies of priests
and bishops are anointed with oil), dressed and placed in the coffin. The washing of the body is a practice common
to various religions and was apparently inherited by the Christian Church from
Judaism. Already in Acts 9:36-37 we can
see a mention of the washing of the body of a reposed Christian woman by those
who were close to her. The body is kept
in the house for 1-3 days and then it is taken to the church for burial
services. Sometimes a shroud is used in
place of a coffin, but in Russia a wooden coffin is traditionally used along
with the shroud. Men serve men and women
serve women in preparing the body for burial.
The Psalter for laymen or Gospel for priest or bishop is read
continually until the burial.
Significance for the grieving: The
grieving are guided to further acceptance of the reality of death through the
preparation and handling of the body.
The physical contact with the body of the loved one not only provides a
very tangible way of working through the first Task of Grieving (Worden 27),
but also helps comfort the bereaved by giving them an active role in the taking
care of the loved one even after his or her death. This ability to actually do something for the
benefit of the reposed, may help deal with the feeling of guilt by the
bereaved, which appears to be common among the surviving family and friends
(see Worden 59-60). The last acts of
taking care of the body of the loved one may provide the grieving family and
friends with an outlet for their love and affection and a way that their desire
to do something for the reposed one may be realized in a very tangible and
physical way. The very communal nature
of the task, the involvement of many family members, on the other hand,
provides for the ministering to those who are overtaken by emotions and
feelings of loss.
The
changing of the environment in which the reposed is missing through symbolic
actions, such as the covering of the mirrors helps avoid the so-called
“’mummification,’ that is retaining possessions of the deceased’s in a
mummified condition ready for use when he or she returns” (Worden 28), which
often points to “denying the facts of loss” by the bereaved (see ibid.). Often a photograph of the departed one is
displayed in a visible place and a black ribbon is placed across the bottom
corner to denote the repose.
Further
work through the pain of grief is facilitated through the reading or hearing
the Psalms. The grieving may readily
identify with the intense emotions of distress and despair as depicted in some
psalms and be gently guided to hope of healing and resurrection as the
psalm-singer reflects on God’s help and love for His people.
The all-night vigil for the departed
Significance for the grieving: The
vigil is the beginning of the burial service.
The body leaves the house and is left at the church overnight, which
facilitates the early stages of Task IV of the mourning process by shifting the
focus from the family of the reposed to the whole community. After the intense hours and days of the loss
being the family’s loss and the reposed being the departed member of the
family, a symbolic transformation takes place, in which the loss becomes that
of the community and the reposed becomes the departed member of the said
community. The entire community joins in
prayer for the departed, thus helping the closest family members and friends to
begin “to emotionally relocate the deceased and move on with life” (Worden
35). Thus, the bereaved symbolically
give the reposed one to the community and join the community in prayers and
psalmody. Further opportunities for
ministering to the grieving are afforded to the clergy and the community
members.
Quotes: “For the sake of the holy
sufferings which Thou didst endure for the sake of the faithful, O Christ, give
rest unto him (her) that has fallen asleep in the hope of life eternal with the
Saints.” (Apostikha of Tone 2)
“The
souls of the righteous are in the hands of God, and no torment will ever touch
them. In the eyes of the foolish they
seem to have died, and their departure was thought to be an affliction, and
their going from us to be their destruction; but they are at peace.” (Wisdom of
Solomon 3:1-3 NRSV)
“For Thou
art the Resurrection, and the life, and the repose of Thy departed servant, N.,
O Christ, and unto Thee do we send up glory, together with Thy Father Who is
without beginning, and Thy Most-holy, Good and Life-giving Spirit, now and
ever, and unto the ages of ages.” (Exclamation)
The Liturgy and the burial
Significance for the grieving: The
final stages of the earthly presence of the departed happen in a communal
setting and are adorned with ritual.
Prayers of hope and resurrection are offered by the community as well as
prayers for the grieving. The burial
takes place immediately after the Liturgy; the funeral service may also be
performed separately from the Liturgy.
The highly ritualized “last kiss” just before the casket lid is closed
seals the process of seeing the reposed one depart and provides a tangible
symbol of closure for the grieving. The
casket lid is closed in the presence of the family and friends, and the
grieving carry or accompany the body to the gravesite. This procession, of course, is reminiscent of
seeing the loved one off to a long journey, when family and friends would walk
with him or her for a while to a symbolic threshold. The sense of closure is further developed at
the gravesite where, after lowering the casket into the grave, each person
present puts a certain amount of dirt into the grave, thus “sealing” the grave
and ritually acting out the emotional closure which is to take place. The honor of throwing the first handful or spadeful
of dirt into the grave is usually given to those closest to the reposed.
The commemorations (3, 9, 40-day, anniversary
of death)
The
commemorations on the third, ninth, fortieth day after death and on
anniversaries thereafter are one of the most ancient Christian practices and
have been observed for most of the history of Christianity. Already the Apostolic Constitutions, a
fourth-century document, refers to those commemorations as an “ancient
pattern”:
“Let the
third day of the departed be celebrated with psalms, and lessons, and prayers,
on account of Him who arose within the space of three days; and let the ninth
day be celebrated in remembrance of the living, and of the departed; and the
fortieth day according to the ancient pattern: for so did the people lament
Moses, and the anniversary day in memory of him.” (Apostolic Constitutions
8:42; ANF 7:498)
Significance for the grieving: As
Worden mentions, the funeral services are conducted very close to the day of
the loss, and “often the immediate family members are in a dazed or numb
condition and the service does not have the positive psychological impact that
it might have” (79). Through the ancient
“3-9-40” pattern, the community gets an opportunity to observe the grieving and
offer further support and healing as needed.
Likewise, the grieving are offered an active approach to expressing
their grief through prayer and participation in communal services. The services, through communal theology, ontology
and ecclesiology, offer a spiritual link with the reposed and hope for
continued life, thus battling the extreme feelings of irreversible loss. The reposed is mentally and emotionally
relocated as he or she is thought of as following through the stages of
afterlife. Yet a link between the
departed and those who remain is retained through communal ecclesiology, in
which there is an organic connection between the living and the reposed. Through pastoral applications, this link is
allowed to achieve a unique degree of intensity which depends on each
individual: from the most intense and personal to merely a formal one for those
who need more space.
Pastoral
applications, areas of future development and conclusions
Do not avoid those who weep, but mourn with
those who mourn. (Sirach 7:34 NRSV)
Writing
about the pastoral applications of church services and their role in the
grieving process, Bishop Athanasius (Sakharov) writes:
The Holy Church does not stop our tears for
the reposed. On the contrary, in certain
instances She urges us to cry, for this is the natural outlet for grief, a
comfort for the heart. Into the mouth of
the dying one She puts a request, “my relatives in the flesh, and my brethren
in the spirit, and my acquaintances, CRY, sigh, wail: for now I am leaving
you.” Immediately, She repeats this
request at the time of the last kiss as if from the reposed, “Seeing me
speechless and breathless lying before you, cry for me, brethren and friends,
relatives and acquaintances.” And from
herself She urges those around the casket, “we are all shedding tears when we
see the lying corps, and [we] approach to kiss and to say: behold, you have
left those who love you and you do not speak with us anymore, friend.”
The words
of the services present a validation for a natural human response to grief,
supporting the feelings of the bereaved and offering the pastor a unique
opportunity to learn the skills of caretaking from the wisdom of the
generations of Christians and Christ Himself:
… Jesus began to weep (Jn 11:35). Not only did Jesus make himself the model of
compassion for all those who mourn but in his own Gethsemane, recognizing his
own human need for the compassionate presence of others, he asks his friends to
stay with him in the garden. (Roussell 56)
Far from
being preoccupied exclusively with the fate of the departed, the Church takes
care of the grieving through its services and rituals. In the sections above, I have examined some
elements of church services and rituals in their connection with facilitating
the grieving process as well as some aspects of Orthodox teachings as they
pertain to death and dying. It appears
that in the combination of rituals and teaching the Church offers a treasure
chest of effective tools for a pastor to be able to offer help to the
bereaved. But in order to use these
tools effectively a pastor must not only be proficient in theology, but also in
psychology and sociology, especially as these disciplines relate to the process
of grieving. The task of educating a
pastor within the Russian Church abroad if further complicated by the
multicultural dimensions within the Russian community in the U.S. As Rosenblatt points out in Ethnic Variations
in Dying, Death, and Grief: Diversity and Universality, “across cultures,
people may differ in what they believe and understand about life and death,
what they feel, what elicits those feelings, the perceived implications of
those feelings, the ways they express those feelings, the appropriateness of
certain feelings, and the techniques for dealing with feelings that cannot be
directly expressed” (18). The reality is
this observation may be experienced within a Russian-speaking community in the
U.S. which consists of members who belong to different age groups and immigrant
generations, who come from different regions of the former Soviet Union and
varying socio-economic backgrounds, display vastly different degrees of
linguistic and cultural assimilation into the American society, and whose
understanding of Orthodox theology varies from below negligible to very
good. All of these factors make the task
of a pastor more challenging and rewarding as the pastor operates on multiple
cultural levels to meet the needs of his parishioners.
In closing,
I should like to share a quote, which, in my opinion, best summarizes the
challenges that pastors face and the direction in which they should develop
their pastoral skills in caring for the bereaved and the grieving:
Grief and bereavement ministry challenge us
to view life and its limitations realistically.
In the context of a personal, dynamic and (w)holistic approach, care
providers are asked to reflect on their own personal and professional ways of
coping with loss and grief. To view all
aspects of one’s life—with its shadows, vulnerabilities, weaknesses,
possibilities, skills and strengths—opens one to a high degree of empathy for
the suffering of others and facilitates quality personal and professional
caregiving. (Roussell 3)
By Fr. Sergei Sveshnikov
Source: https://frsergei.wordpress.com/2010/06/07/on-the-significance-of-the-ritual-of-the-russian-orthodox-church-surrounding-death-and-dying-for-the-grieving-process-of-the-bereaved/#more-466
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