What a
pleasure and a joy it is to see a family where love and peace prevail between
husband and wife, where the husband and wife share each other's joys and
sorrows, thus mutually lightening all life's difficulties. By contrast, how sad
it is for a husband and wife when dissension exists between them - when no
tender feelings attract them to each other.
Unfortunately,
there are today not a few marriages where, instead of mutual respect and peace
between husband and wife, there are quarrels and complaints about each other.
From what
does this result? There are certainly many reasons, but the principal one is
having chosen the wrong person to marry. Holy Scripture teaches us a beautiful
lesson on this subject in the case of our forefather Abraham (Gen. 24). And so,
let us Christians recall the marriage of the patriarch Isaac, Abraham's son.
When
Abraham was a hundred and forty years old and his son was forty, Abraham called
his faithful servant Eliezer to him and said:
"I
will make thee swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of the earth,
that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son Isaac of the daughters of the
Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my
kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac."
The
servant sware to him concerning the matter and left without delay for
Mesopotamia, where Abraham's brother Nahor lived. After reaching the city of
Harran, Eliezer stopped by a well of water and began to say a prayer in his
mind:
"O
Lord God of my master Abraham! ... Behold, I stand here by the well of water;
and the daughters of the men of the city come out to draw water: And let it
come to pass that to whom I shall say, 'Let down thy pitcher, I pray thee, that
I may drink,' and she shall say, 'Drink, and I will give thy camels drink also':
let the same be she that Thou hast appointed for Thy servant Isaac; and thereby
shall I know that Thou hast shewed kindness unto my master."
Before he
had done speaking, Rebekah, the daughter of Bethuel, the son of Nahor, came to
the well. When Eliezer asked her for water to drink, she hastened to give him
and the camels water.
And the
man bowed down his head, and worshipped the Lord. And he said, "Blessed be
the Lord God of my master Abraham, Who hath not left destitute my master of His
mercy and His truth: I being in the way, the Lord led me to the house of my
master's brethren."
When
Rebekah's family learnt about Eliezer, why he had come to Mesopotamia, and how
the Lord had showed him a wife in Rebekah for his master's son, they did not
begin to contradict him, but gave their full consent to the proposal presented
by Abraham's servant.
They
said, "Behold, Rebekah is before thee. Take her and go, and let her be thy
master's son's wife, as the Lord hath spoken." They called Rebekah, and
said to her, "Wilt thou go with this man?" And she said, "I will
go." When the servant returned home, he told Isaac all the things that he
had done. And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah's tent, and took
Rebekah, and she became his wife; and he loved her: and Isaac was comforted
after his mother's death.
And so,
in wishing to enter into marriage, one should, above all else, pray diligently
to the Lord, Who knows the human heart, that He Himself would arrange the
marriage according to His will, pointing out the chosen person and blessing the
marriage with His grace.
If
Abraham's servant, acting merely as a middleman, thanked God for finding a
bride for the bridegroom, should not the hearts of the bridegroom and bride be
filled with far greater thankfulness?
Not only
do the bride and bridegroom have to thank the Lord, Who brought them together
and decreed them to walk the path of earthly life as one, but also to pray to
Him to send down His mercy for their future.
Let them
recognize that they cannot build their happiness and a well-ordered marriage
only by their own strength, without God's blessing. Let them together pray to
God to bless their union and to send down His grace so that they may live in
love, single-mindedness and chastity, fulfilling God's commandments.
Yet, how
many people are there among us who left their marriage to God's will and, when
wishing to enter into marriage, thought first and foremost of receiving God's
blessing for it? Is it not true that all of us are busy primarily with earthly
cares and thoughts?
How many
men, before choosing a life-long partner, try to become familiar, not with a
maiden's manner and behavior, but with how much property and various
possessions she owns, how noble a family she is descended from, and so on.
Young men
and women! Remember that a marriage made by mercenary calculations is rarely
happy. A marriage that is not concluded for sincerity, mutual trust and the
joining of hearts degrades those who enter into it, and consequently it often
brings much evil, creating possibilities for family dissension, reproaches and
mutual insults.
Saint
John Chrysostom told those under his obedience, "I entreat you not to look
for money and riches in a maiden, but for good characteristics: modesty, piety
and godliness; these are better than countless treasures. "Let us say
someone grew rich by his wife. Isn't such an example shameful? I hear many
people say things such as, 'I would rather bear extreme poverty than receive
riches by a wife.'"
And
indeed, one who chooses a rich wife chooses for himself a master rather than a
wife and helper. On the other hand, one who marries someone of equal or lower
position acquires a faithful helper for himself.
Poverty
disposes a wife to save her husband, to listen to him in everything, to obey
him, and to care assiduously about household work. A sensible, good and
temperate wife, even if poor, also deals with poverty better than a peevish and
evil wife with riches. And so, riches and money are useless if we cannot find
goodness in our wives.
Strong
mutual love between a husband and wife serves as a further foundation of a
happy marriage. The same love must serve as an incentive for the bridegroom and
his bride to get married.
Moreover,
one must look not at physical beauty, but at the beauty of [the] beloved's
heart. "Time washes away physical beauty, and sickness eats it up,"
says Saint John Chrysostom, "but beauty of the heart is beyond all
changes. The former arouses anger and produces jealousy, but the latter is not
susceptible to similar passions and knows no vainglory."
Fathers
of families! Imitate the solicitude of the forefather Abraham, who tried to
find a godly wife for his son; for he did not seek for riches by her, nor fame
of her family, but only nobility of heart.
And you,
mothers of families, beautify your daughters not with gold or expensive
clothes, but with modesty and meekness. A meek and decorous woman will
encourage her husband to be a child-loving father and to take part himself in
household work.
Translated by Paula Genis from
Semyia
Pravoslavnavo Khristianina
Source: http://www.roca.org/OA/154/154m.htm
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