"...the good order of the Church becomes also the good order of the family..."
The Church: a Model
God Blesses Through Obedience
Just as
God's grace flowed to the Hebrew people through the hierarchy of the Old
Testament Church's high priests, prophets, patriarchs, etc., in the same way
this grace comes to us in the New Testament Church through bishops (who are the
"fountain of the sacraments") and priests. And licked to them are
husbands, as heads of their families. The husband who stands before God and
intercedes for his wife and children, as the parish priest intercedes for his
flock, truly receives God's blessing upon his family and all "the work of
his hands."
Furthermore,
we can say that the husband who functions as the Orthodox spiritual leader in
his family, praying for and instructing his wife and children, as well as
showing them (by his example) the way--such a man is already satisfying his
wife's deepest needs. Such a man is easily and willingly obeyed by his wife,
just as Eve would have obeyed Adam had he acted as her loving head and leader,
instead of her follower into sin.
Thus, the
good order of the Church becomes also the good order of the family. And just as
the monastery is a microcosm of the Church, so too is that family where God is
rightly worshipped, and where His "chain of command" is upheld and
respected.
Inferiority and Inequality
Does this
mean that husbands are "superior" to their wives? Our society would
see it as such, for the world today promotes the idea of two heads in a family,
both the husband and the wife (in spite of the fact that from a worldly
standpoint no organization or institution can withstand two chiefs at the same
time!). No, there is but one head, again following the divine pattern given by
Christ to the Church, where we find but one ruling bishop in a diocese and one
rector in each parish. And just as bishops and priests must obey the Lord,
wives must obey their husbands:
Wives, be
subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the
wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church. (Eph. 5:22-23)
We know
that in Christ "there is neither male nor female." Obviously, then,
the husband is not superior to his wife. But just as the President of the
United States has no innate worthiness not equally shared with all citizens,
but is respected and obeyed only because of his office and calling so too a
husband and wife are completely equal one to another in God' s eyes (for which
reason St. Paul even commands: "Be subject to one another out of reverence
for Christ"), but a husband is obeyed and respected becauae of his office
ane calling, which were bestowed upon him mystically in the Sacrament of
Marriage.
If, then, they are both equal in God's
eyes, why did God choose the man to be head of the wife, instead of the other
way round? Because it was Eve that initiated the first sin. Thus, all her
descendants must be in obedience to their husbands, giving them the initiative
in all things; similarly all the sons of Adam are required to assume their
original place as leaders in the marriage relationship, the place which Adam
only too willingly abrogated to Eve, thus joining in her sin.
In St, Paul's instructions to husbands and
wives there is a great mystery, and a seeming contradiction. A husband is
appointed head of his wife, but he is also to be her servant. How can this be?
"Husbands," says the Apostle, "love your wives as Christ loved
the Church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify her..." In
other words, a husband's authority is commensurate with his willingness to
empty himself like a sacrificial lamb, in this way actually
"sanctifying" his wife. It is a wonderful and worthy calling for a
man, but one which too few husbands actually strive to attain.
The Wife's Role
What
happens if a husband doesn't take his responsibilities seriously, or makes
mistakes as head of the wife? Must he still be obeyed? Yes, in all things not
sinful, he must be obeyed. Of course, a wife's first obedience is always to
God, but in all other things she must submit, just as the Church
constantly — although sometimes with groaning - submits to the will of Christ. It
is not easy, but if wives trust that God will not allow their husbands to
mislead or mistreat them, or in any way endanger their salvation, there is
already a firm spiritual foundation to the relationship. (Similarly we read of
instances where a monk saved his soul by being in obedience to a bad,
incompetent, or foolish abbot, so long as he sincerely obeyed him in all things
not sinful.) If a wife is suffering because of her husband's unworthy
leadership, and she accepts this as a cross sent by a loving God, then she
begins to walk the soul-saving path of martyrdom , as Scripture says: "The
first shall be last, and the last shall be first."
All this,
of course, makes sense only if both husband and wife are looking seriously at
the purpose of life and marriage. If we understand that our first love must he
not our spouse, but God and His Church, then everything falls into its proper
place, all is in good order, and life is fruitful and meaningful. In such a
context no wife will be afraid of being in obedience to her husband, just as
the Church is in perfect obedience to Christ. To live under obedience is a
safeguard against temptation and therefore a truly blessed role.
People in
the world, filled with pride, seek authority and position; they seek to rule
over others, believing that this brings happiness. But Christ has taught us
that happiness comes only through self-sacrifice (the husband) and obedience
(the wife). Obedience cannot be forced; it must come from the heart,
voluntarily--this is true love. We are only pilgrams, preparing for the next
world; therefore, how can we fail to rule wisely, lovingly, and givingly, if we
are husbands'; And, if we are wives, how can we fail to be meek and humbly
obedient supports to our husbands? In both of these consists true happiness,
for in both is to be found the essence of man and woman, the undoing of the sin
of Adam and Eve, and the path — through this world — to the Kingdom of Heaven.
By Fr. Alexey Young
Source: http://www.roca.org/OA/43/43g.htm
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