It is hard to
speak about the true life, when you are clinically dead all the time, but we
have to. This is why I would like to say: do not trust yourself, your feelings
and mood, because all these temporary things mean nothing. We are living in a so-called
shell, and a person is pressed in this shell – by his flash, by earth, by
miserable human needs and relationships. Of course, we are used to live in this
shell, because it is warm and pleasant for us. But if the shell is crashed,
then how are we going to live? What should we do? However, we need to leave our
shells. Perhaps, we will be face the beasts or temptations.. We should hope
that we will be able to fly: we will get the wings and will get off the ground.
This hope should make us stronger and encourage us.
How can we accept
that we will be buried and there will be nothing left from us? Do we consider ourselves
just as dead corpses? Christ tells us we are alive. He is risen and He gives us
life, but we do not value it, we lose it. Of course, everything is not that simple.
Today you may have some thoughts. You lay and get some sleep – and we’ll see
what you will think tomorrow. You wake up, and you have completely different
mood. People are fickle, and all these inner variations affect our lives. People
are used to live and act in accordance with their own will… What if God’s will
is different? He may tell you that it is your time to go home, that you should
not moan and that there is nothing in this world you should hold on to. Father
Nicholas Gurianov told many times: “Life will be much better there…” We do not
trust God: who can say definitely, what awaits us there? However, in this life
we think that we have at least something…
The closer you
come to God, the stronger becomes your internal pain. Each step towards God
tears a person apart. He does not want us to get attached to time, space or
particular values. He wants us to be free. But we consider this freedom to be
something tragic and unpleasant for us. It is really important to humble
ourselves and to see the true aim of our life. Instead we always try to adapt
God to our life, to tame Him and make Him serve us. In fact, we have to
understand God: why did He come down to earth, what did He bring us? Why were the
Cross and all His sufferings? He could just defeat the Scribes and Pharisees,
sit on the throne in Jerusalem and create a new fair state, where all people
have everything they need and are equal. Kind of “Christian Communism”, you
know.
However, it is impossible to do this in our world, as it is impossible
for our frail flash and blood, which do not inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. That
is why sometimes we feel exhausted: it means that God’s grace is with us. We
think it is something bad. We cannot change our conscience and look at these
things from a different angle. Indeed, a birth on earth means future funeral at
the same time. A baby is born today, but in some years a haggard old man will
be buried. You see, it is really difficult to stay strong in this world. What
is more, the devil is constantly advising us something wrong and pushing us to
sin…
This is why to
be a Christian is a greatest art, or even boldness. Being a Christian does not
mean that I just go to church, light up some candles, cross myself… Well then,
I might also take the communion – I open my mouth and then I leave the church
and forget about this. It is not about this! If we accept Christ, then we
accept the death of the inner “old man” as well. We can say that Blood and Body
of Christ is a poison for a sin and an “old man”, which will die slowly and
painfully from this poison. At the same time it is the only opportunity for a “new
man” to be born and to live forever. We cannot understand this on our own.
If
you are attached to this world and you are satisfied with it, you like to live
in this way, then it means that you lose, because it is a mistake. It is just a
devil’s trap for you. On the other hand, if you manage to break out of this and
to say “Enough! I trust God and no one can shatter my trust. I do not serve any
lords and purposes!”, then you become one step closer to your freedom. In other
words, you should test yourself whether you can leave everything behind and
become poor or not. Should you try to hold on something material - houses, cars,
comfort, people, hobbies – it is over. You are in a cage.
God wants to
gift us the greatest freedom: “Follow Me”. – “But I have to bury my father”. –
“Let the dead bury the dead, but you follow Me”. – “I can’t do it now. I have
too much to do”. – “Follow Me’’…So we start to drown as we try to go this way,
like Apostle Peter, because we hesitate. Apostle Peter wanted to go towards God
on water – and Christ let him do that. The Apostle saw the storm and was afraid
the waves would drown him. And he began to drown indeed, as he doubted in God. The
Lord was near him, and Peter remembered that. Otherwise he would certainly sink
to the bottom. The same is with us: we should s remember that God is always
with us.
We think that everything
is destroyed… What if it is not what we really need? What if it was just an
illusion? What if it was something wrong and unnecessary? When we come to confess,
we start to think, to recall recent sins. Instead we should speak about eternal
life and our souls, about significant things which really matter and affect us.
We should speak about how difficult and frightening it is to come out of the
shell, how frightening it is to accept our “Cross”, our shameful execution for
the greatest gift of love. If you want to love, then be ready to suffer. If you
do not want to suffer, then how can you speak about love? Then it is a kind of
mutual agreement: I give you money, and you give me comfort. But this is not
love.
Love is when
people forget about their personal needs. Today we are not ready for this. We
have so many things to change in ourselves! It is too early to speak today
about Christianity and Orthodoxy: you can raise an icon above your head, but
people will continue to step on your feet – your love will end. We came are in
the Church for healing, as there is a cure for any disease. For example, if a
person with cancer knows that the Eucharist is taken for health of his soul and
body, then he should believe that these Blood and Body of Christ will heal him
by God’s will. The same is with any other illness. In the akathist to the
Mother of God Pantanassa there are words saying that the holy water can heal.
Then why does it not heal us? Why do we not fly? Because we will fly in a wrong
direction and fall down. But we should remember, that “our tears will turn into
happiness”.
We should gain
spiritual experience from any life situation. Analyze our lives, and seek for God’s
will, because God is always around. He will reach out His hand to you, just
like He reached it out to Apostle Peter. No matter how deep we mired in sin, He
will help us to keep us from despair. Trust and be saved.
Father
Andrew
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