"Lord, Why Do You not Love Me?" By Archimandrite Andrew Konanos

By Archimandrite Andrew Konanos

And he replies: “Dear child, why do you say that I do not love you? Did you not asked Me for help in the morning? What happened to you is your lesson for today, it is your remedy. To create a statue one need to hit a piece of marble and chip off some parts of it. Then it will become a beautiful image. Today I have hurt you. I know you have suffered, but it cannot be otherwise.”

One woman told me a story similar to this. There was a period in her life when she was dealing with fixing her teeth. She had to visit the dentist many times, because she had to change all the bottom teeth. Going through different procedures, operations – all of this was pure martyrdom for her. But withstood that because she knew that the relief would finally come, and that her health would improve, and her life would change. Indeed, when it all ended, she found serenity. She had to withstand a lot, but she knew that she was visiting the doctor, who only wanted what was best for her.

We can say the same  about our relationships with God. Everything that happens in our life is for our benefit. The benefit, which we cannot realize because of the pain that we feel.  

When you pray, ask yourself no matter what, “Was it sent by the Lord? Yes. And this is it”.

I am trying to understand, what the Lord wants. We can understand this from the situation we are trying to cope with. I do not judge God. I am not angry with myself. I am not shocked or surprised. The Lord lets this happen. I think about it and peace comes.

My God, I see that we have a connection, and in some sense, our relationships are like “You give me something – I give you something”.  You show me different signs in response to the prayers I read. I open up to You the needs of my soul, and You answer to me through various circumstances. Today Your answer is like this. I accept it. I will keep it. I will try to solve the mystery. What does this answer tell me? Could it mean patience, or maybe prayer or forgiveness? What should I do with what You have sent me? Tell me! You want me to cry? Or struggle? Or confront? Or may be seek for the truth? Or agree to withstand it all? What do you want from me, Lord?

Well, I do not judge this event. It is just something that happened. I accept it, because if I grumble all the time, nothing will change. If you are nagging what God sends you and complaining all the time, then it is you who strengthens this event. You are feeding it inside you, you perpetuate it. “Why did he tell me that? Why did he do that to me? Did you hear how he spoke to me?”

Do you know why you're mistaken? You are discussing something, what happened five hours ago, until the end of the day. You are stretching it until the very evening. You will think all day long about the quarrel, which lasted for five minutes. You repeat it again and again. What do you expect to get? You perpetuate the past. If you would have stopped that at the very beginning, it would stay where it was. It would happen. It would just pass and end.

Look ahead and say: “What should I learn in such circumstances? Can it be so that the Lord wants me to learn how to be patient towards other people?”

All the Divine senses and decisions come to mind only when this mind is in communion with God. And I hope that even more enlightened thoughts will come to your mind. They come to all of us in different ways. You will think about something. Another one will understand more. I will understand less. Someone else can see the whole truth. But the point is that you should understand where does the Lord lead you. In this case you will constantly feel that you are not alone. It will be a sign that you have come in contact with true prayer. 

 An excerpt from the book by Archimandrite Andrew Konanos
"At the bottom of the garden"