“For the husband is the head of the wife, as
also Christ is head of the Church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore
just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the
Church and gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:23)
Some
brides-to-be resent this epistle read at every Orthodox Church wedding. They
think it’s sexist—not politically correct in this era of liberation of women.
But that objection is misdirected. This advice of St. Paul is not about
subordination of woman to man, nor is it about control. This is about love. The
holy apostle is not putting wives down; he’s raising the vision of husbands to
a spiritual awareness of responsibility.
It’s a
daring equation, comparing the husband with Christ. Can a Christian who wears a
cross at his neck and hangs a cross in his bedroom not comprehend the great,
sacrificial love that Jesus Christ has demonstrated for His Church? There is
not an atom of selfishness in it. Who reading the gospels can find somewhere or
some word of the loving Lord that suggests, “What’s in it for Me?” Show me a
place that implies the Church doing something for Christ, rather than what
Christ is doing for the Church.
St. Paul
is speaking to all married men. Do you expect or even demand obedience from
your wives? Look up at Christ on the cross. Will you ever do that for her? You
insist that your wife love you exclusively. That’s your right as a husband and
her obligation as your wife. Then you must first demonstrate your willingness
to lay down your life in her behalf. If it comes to one of you making a
sacrifice for the sake of the family, step out smartly and be the one who
offers his life for wife and family. Yes, granted, St. Paul wrote that the
husband is the head of the wife, but that’s not all he wrote on the subject.
The love of Christ for the Church is your measure of your own adoration of your
wife. God forbid that you ever terrorize her, intimidate her or control her by
temper tantrums or any of the more subtle mind control methods rampant in our
culture. You were commissioned by Christ in the sacred sacrament of marriage to
love and honor her—she is ever your queen, and you must look for the crown
still worn on her head, albeit invisibly.
Your love
for her must be always pure and sacred. She is a temple of the Holy Spirit, and
you must do nothing to defile that living temple. She is baptized in the
blessed water of Jordan. It takes nothing from the romance or the love act to
treat your wife as a being precious in the sight of the Lord. Any expression of
love that degrades, humiliates or plain uses the partner is unworthy of your
marriage. Any violation of your marital obligations to one another, adultery or
lewdness, will invite the serpent of evil into your bed, cause you deceit and
hypocrisy, and reduce you to shame and self-rejection.
True love
will be constantly in search of ways to please your spouse, not yourself. Real
affection is given through a glance, a touch, a card or flower. This woman is
not your cook, your washerwoman or maid. She is far more than the one who cares
for your children. If that’s all she is to you, you are unworthy of calling
yourself her husband.
If as you
heard at the wedding, you “leave father and mother and cleave to your wife,”
she has become your very body. You are one flesh and blood with her. You can no
more separate yourself from her that you would hack off your right arm. Despite
our wicked society, you don’t change partners; you live with the one that God
gave you.
Most of
all, your love is a reflection of the love of Christ for your spiritual family
and the Church of which you all are a part. Your home is an extension of your
parish, a chapel where love is the binding ingredient between your family
members and with the loving Lord and yourself.
Source: https://oca.org/reflections/berzonsky/christ-church-husband-and-wife
CONVERSATION