In the
Orthodox Church, there are a lot of customs and traditions that are important
parts of our worship. Some are cultural; some are pious customs. Some are
essential; some are not. From time-to-time, we need to address some of these
various etiquette issues to inform our communities how we can best understand
each other and work together to worship the all-holy Trinity.
Standing vs. Sitting
The
traditional posture for prayer and worship in the Orthodox Church has been to
stand. In the Orthodox "old countries", there are usually no pews in
the churches. Chairs or benches on the side walls are usually reserved for the
elderly and infirm. In North America, we have tended to build our churches with
pews, and since we have them, we need to figure out when we may sit and when we
should stand. First of all, it is fully acceptable (even preferable) to stand
for the entire service. If you prefer this, it would be better to find a place
closer to the back or side of the church so as not to stand out or block
someone's view. When should you definitely stand? Always during the Gospel
reading, the Little and Great Entrances, the Anaphora, the distribution of Holy
Communion, whenever the priest gives a blessing, and the Dismissal. In many
parishes, the Divine Liturgy books in the pew have suggested times when sitting
is acceptable. Follow those instructions (it's probably safer than to follow
what the people are doing in the first couple of rows). When in doubt, stand.
It is never wrong to stand in church.
Lighting Candles
Lighting
candles is an important part of Orthodox worship. We light them as we pray,
making an offering to accompany our prayers. Orthodox typically light candles
when coming into the church - and that is usually the best time to light them,
but there are times when candles should not be lit. It is not proper to light
candles during the Epistle or Gospel readings, during the Little or Great
Entrances, the sermon, and most of the times when the faithful are standing. If
you find yourself arriving to church after the Liturgy has begun, a good rule
of thumb to remember is - if everyone is standing, wait until they are sitting
to light a candle (unless they are sitting for the sermon, of course). Other
than that it is probably all right to light a candle.
Entering the Church (Late)
The time
to arrive at church is before the service starts, but for some unknown reason,
it has become the custom - or rather the bad habit - for some to come to church
late. If you arrive after the Divine Liturgy begins, try to enter the church
quietly - and observe what is happening. If the Epistle or Gospel is being read
or the Little or Great Entrance is taking place, wait until it is finished to
quickly find a seat. If Father is giving the sermon, stay in the back until he
has concluded. If in doubt, check with one of the ushers to see if it is a good
time to seat yourself. Try not to interrupt the Liturgy with you entrance. By
the way, the best way to avoid this problem is to arrive on time - then you
don't have to wonder if it's okay to come in or not. People who come late to
the Liturgy should not partake of the Eucharist!
Crossing those Legs?
In some
Orthodox cultures, crossing one's legs is taboo and considered to be very
disrespectful. In our North American culture, while there are no real taboos
concerning crossing one's legs, we tend to cross our legs to get comfortable
while sitting. Should we cross our legs in church? No. Not because it is
"wrong" to ever cross legs, but rather because it is too casual - and
too relaxed - for being in church. Just think about it, when you get settled in
your favorite chair at home, you lean back, cross your legs, and then your mind
can wander anywhere it wants to. Remember that sitting in church is a
concession, not the normative way of prayer. You surely don't want to get too
relaxed and let your mind wander off too much. In fact, when you do sit in
church, you should sit attentively - and not too comfortably. When sitting in
church, keep those feet on the floor, ready to stand at attention (which is
what "Let us attend" means). Cross yourself with your fingers and
hand - but don't cross your legs!
In and Out
In and out?
It's a hamburger place in LA, but shouldn't be the traffic pattern by the back
door during services. On some Sundays, it almost seems like we have a revolving
door in the back of the church - and it is used by both children and adults.
Use the restroom before coming to church. You shouldn't need to get a drink of
water during the service (especially if you are taking Communion!). Don't come
to church to go to the fellowship hall - come to pray.
Leaving Before Dismissal
Leaving
church before the Dismissal - besides being rude - deprives us of a blessing.
Worship has a beginning ("Blessed is the Kingdom…") and an end
("Let us depart in peace…"). To leave immediately after Communion is
to treat church like a fast food restaurant where we come and go as we please.
We live in a fast-paced world where we seem to be hurrying from place to place.
But in God's presence, we need to make every attempt to fight this pressure to
move on to the next thing on the day's agenda. We deprive ourselves of
blessings by not being still and participating in God's holiness. Eat and run
at McDonald's - but stay in church and thank God for his precious gifts.
Blot that Lipstick!
Have you
ever looked at an icon in just the right light and seen the lip prints all over
it? It's disgusting, isn't it? In fact, it's downright gross. Lipstick may look
fine on lips, but it looks horrible on icons, crosses, the Communion spoon and
the priest's or bishop's hand. Icons have been ruined by lipstick; and even
though the cross can usually be cleaned after everyone venerates it, it just
isn't considerate to others to impose your lipstick on them. What is the
answer? If you insist on wearing lipstick to church, blot your lips well before
venerating an icon, taking Communion, or kissing the cross or the priest's or
bishop's hand. Even better, wait until after church to put it on. After all,
God is not impressed with how attractive you look externally - your makeup or
clothing - but how attractive you are internally, your adornment with good works
and piety.
Venerating Icons
When you
enter the church, it is traditional to venerate the icons. Usually there are
icons at the entrance to the church and many churches have icon stands in the
front as well. When venerating (kissing) and icon, pay attention to where you
kiss. It is not proper to kiss an icon in the face. You wouldn't go up and kiss
the Lord or His mother on the lips, would you? You would kiss their hand, and
only of they invited you would you even dare to kiss them on the cheek. Pay attention
to what you are doing. When you approach and icon to venerate it, kiss the
gospel, scroll, or hand cross in the hand of the person in the icon, or kiss
the hand or foot of the person depicted. As you venerate and icon, show proper
respect to the person depicted in the icon - the same respect you would show
the person by venerating him or her in an appropriate place. And remember, blot
off your lipstick before kissing.
Talking during Church
Isn't it
great to come to church and see friends and family members? But wait until
coffee hour to say "Hi" to them. It just isn't appropriate to greet
people and have a conversation with them during the services. Besides being
disrespectful towards God, it is rude towards the other people in the church
who are trying to worship. Talk to God while in church through your prayers,
hymns, and thanksgiving, and to your friends in the hall afterwards.
Kiss (Don't Shake) the Priest's or Bishop's
Hand
Did you
know that the proper way to greet a priest or bishop is to ask his blessing and
kiss his right hand? How do you do this? Approach the priest or bishop with
your right hand over your left hand and say "Father (or "Master"
in the case of the bishop), bless." This is much more appropriate (and traditional)
than shaking their hands. After all, the priest and bishop are not just
"one of the boys." When you kiss their hands, you show respect for
their office - they are the ones who "bless and sanctify" you and who
offer the holy gifts on your behalf. So next time you greet your priest or
bishop, don't shake his hand, ask for his blessing.
Sunday Dress
Remember
the time when people put on their "Sunday best" to go to church? In
fact, dress clothes were often referred to as Sunday clothes. In some parts of
the country, this is not common today. In fact, all too often, dress in church
has become too casual. In all areas of our lives, we should offer Christ our
best. And the same is true of our dress. We should offer Christ our 'Sunday
best", not our everyday or common wear. And we should dress modestly, not
in a flashy way that would bring attention to ourselves. Our dress should
always be becoming of a Christian - especially at church.
Here are
some specific guidelines we use in our parishes:
Children
Only
young children (under 10) should wear shorts to church - and then only dress
shorts. Athletic shorts, cut-offs, and spandex shorts are never appropriate
church wear (for children or adults!). Shoes or sandals should be clean and
tied. No one should wear T-shirts with any kind of writing on them ("This
Bud's for You!" is definitely out).
Women
Dresses
should be modest. No tank tops or dresses with only straps at the shoulders, no
short skirts (mini-skirts), and no skin-tight dresses. Dresses should have
backs and not be cut low in the front. If women wear pants to church, they
should be dress pants (not jeans, leggings, etc.). Shorts of any type are not
appropriate for church.
Men
Men
should also dress modestly. While coat and tie are not mandatory, shirts should
have collars and be buttoned to the collar (the actual collar button may be
left undone, but two or three buttons undone is inappropriate). Slacks should
be cleaned and pressed. Jeans (of any color) are usually too casual for church,
especially ones with patches or holes. Again, shorts are not appropriate church
wear.
If you're
going somewhere after church where you need to dress casually, bring a change
of clothing with you and change after coffee hour. Remember, use your best
judgment and good taste when dressing for church. After all, you don't go to be
seen by everyone else - you go to meet and worship God.
Pew Blocking
Never
heard of pew blocking? It's that practice of sitting right next to the aisle so
that no one else can get by to sit in the middle of the pew. Everyone has seen
it. In fact, the best pew blockers come early so they can get their coveted
aisle seats and then be sure that no one can get past them. The most effective
form of pew blocking takes place when two people take their places at opposite
ends of the pew, occupying both the center and aisle seats. This effectively
eliminates anyone else from sitting on that row. There are two solutions to pew
blocking. The first is to move towards the middle of the pew, leaving the aisle
seats for those coming later. And for those of you who just can't handle
sitting in the middle of the pew [or those with small children who may need to
make a fast exit - NTK], take the outside aisle spot and graciously allow those
coming after you to go past (by moving out for them so they can get by).
Remember, pew blocking isn't hospitable - nor is it an efficient method of
seating. So don't be selfish. Move on over towards the middle. Don't be a pew
blocker.
To Cross or Not To Cross
Anyone
who has looked around on a Sunday morning will notice that different people
cross themselves at different times (and sometimes in different ways). To a
certain extent, when to cross oneself is according to personal piety and not an
issue of dogma. But there are times when it is specifically proper to cross
yourself, and times when you should not. Here is a brief list of when to cross
and when not to cross:
To
Cross
When you
hear one of the variations of the phrase, "Father, Son, and Holy
Spirit"; at the beginning and end of the liturgical service or your
private prayers; entering or exiting the church, or when passing in front of
the Holy Altar; before venerating in icon, the cross, or Gospel book.
Not
to Cross
At the
chalice before or after taking Communion (you might hit the chalice with your
hand); when the priest or bishop blesses saying, "Peace be to all" -
bow slightly and receive the blessing; when receiving a blessing from a bishop
or a priest (kissing the right hand of the bishop or priest is appropriate, but
not making the sign of the cross).
Touching the Hem of Father's Garments
Many
people like to touch the hem of Father's phelonion as he goes through the
congregation for the Great Entrance. This is a nice, pious custom by which you
"attach" your personal prayers to the prayer of the entrance with the
holy gifts. At the same time, you need to be careful neither to grab too hard
and trip up the Great Entrance, nor to push people out of the way. And be sure
to help your children so that they observe these guidelines as well.
Snacks for Children
You can
always tell where young children have been sitting in the church. The tell-tale
signs are graham cracker crumbs, Cheerios, and animal crackers. Parents often
bring snacks and a cup of fruit juice along for children during church. And for
young children (0-2 years old), this is fine. But by the time children are 3-4
years old, they should be able to make it through Liturgy without eating
anything, and by the time they reach seven (the age of their first confession),
they should begin fasting on Sunday morning for Communion (or at least make an
attempt at fasting by cutting back on the amount of breakfast and eating
"fasting"-type foods - talk to your priest about this). For those
children who get snacks, please don't feed them while in the line for Holy
Communion (this applies to holy bread as well). They need to come to Communion
without food in their mouths. And one last note: try to keep the snack mess
down to a minimum. The floor shouldn't be covered with Cheerios! Chewing gum
during Liturgy is a No-No for everyone!
Handling the Holy Bread
After
taking Holy Communion and at the end of the liturgy, it is traditional to eat a
piece of holy bread or antidoron - the bread that was left over after Holy
Communion was prepared. While antidoron is not Holy Communion, it is blessed
bread and as such, should be eaten carefully so that crumbs don't fall all over
the place. After taking Communion or kissing the cross at the end of the Divine
Liturgy, take one piece of antidoron (you don't need four or five pieces) and
when you return to your seat or get to a place where you can stop for a moment,
eat the bread trying not to drop crumbs. If you want to give a piece to someone
else, go ahead and take an extra piece - don't break yours in half (it produces
too many crumbs). And monitor your children as they take the antidoron and
teach them to eat it respectfully.
A Final Thought
North
American society in the late 20th century is rather casual in its approach to
life. Don't allow this prevailing attitude to enter into your Orthodox
Christian piety. There are surely a lot of other areas that could be covered
here. Much of church etiquette is based on common sense and showing respect for
God and others. Always remember that you are in church to worship God, the Holy
Trinity. The priest says, "With the fear of God and faith and love, draw
near." Let this be the way you approach all of worship. If you do, you
will probably have good church etiquette.
By Fr. David Barr
Source: http://antiochian.org/christianeducation/etiquette
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