One of
the common issues we all face is becoming upset due to the actions of another
person. Often this involves the one we
most love. When we are upset and angry we say and do things we wish we had not
done. We are like Saint Paul who said,
I do not
understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it
is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I
know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I
have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not
do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on
doing. (Romans 7:15-19)
When we
are angry we are separated from God. How do we as an Orthodox Christian avoid
this kind of response which is definitely one taken out of self-interest and not
our of love for the other person.
This is a
situation where the Jesus Prayer can be most helpful. Once we have practiced this prayer
("Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner") by
repeating for at least ten minutes each day, it becomes a prayer that is always
in our mind and easily accessible when we become upset. When we are upset, we
will have access to a way to reconnect with God by repeating this simple
prayer.
Here is a
simple way to eliminate the consequences of our disagreements with others:
1. Make a
regular practice to pray the Jesus prayer each day for at least ten minutes as
part of your daily prayer rule.
2.When
you find yourself feeling upset, say the Jesus Prayer to yourself. Move away from the situation. Take a walk and repeat the prayer in cadence
with your walk. This will help you cool
your emotions and grace will come to you to help you deal with the situation in
a Christian way. When you are calm, feel
the love of God in your heart, ask the other person for a convenient time to
talk.
3. When
you have a chance to talk with the other person admit that what you want to say
is difficult for you to say and admit that you may not hear or understand fully
the other's viewpoint.
4. After
saying the prayer to yourself, begin the conversation with an "I"
statement. Say, "I felt hurt when you did...." Do not begin with a "You" statement
like, "When you do.... you make me upset." . When you accuse the other person you will
make them feel threatened and they will want to fight back. There are always two sides in a
disagreement. Begin by admitting your
part of the situation, acknowledging that both are a party to the
disagreement. Sharing your feelings
sincerely will make it easier for the other person to share theirs.
5. Ask the other person for their point of
view. Say something like this, " I
know you do not intend to hurt me. Why
did you do ....? Help me to better understand." Then you have to be calm to listen to the
answer. Always have the Jesus Prayer on
your lips to keep you connected with God and His grace.
6. Engage in a full and open discussion with
love in your heart. Explore how you can
both change so future encounters do not end in the same way. Seek for an agreement to act differently the
next time this situation happens. Say a
prayer together. A hug always helps show
your sincere love for the other person.
Source: http://orthodoxwayoflife.blogspot.com.by/2011/04/dealing-with-anger-with-help-of-jesus.html
CONVERSATION