Our neighbors
returned from a weekend away at a resort with their two teenagers. They described to us the wonderful food
buffet at the resort. The brunch buffet,
they reported, had everything, the meats, the scrambled egg bar, tremendous
fruit spreads, all the pancakes and toppings you could think of, ten different
types of dishes, salmon, croissants, you name it, they had it. They couldn’t hold back their dismay as they
told us how their two boys came back from the buffet with a bowl of Captain
Crunch cereal! “They can have that at
home any time,” they exclaimed. They
could have anything they wanted, a feast fit for a king, and they passed it all
up for a bowl of cold cereal.
Lent is a time that
we are invited to change our lifestyle in preparation for Easter. Like anything else in life, the more we
understand what is happening, the more we indulge in the banquet, the more we
will experience God’s healing presence in our lives. I won’t be able to highlight all of the
delicacies that are laid out before us during this Lenten season, so I will
highlight three of the dishes that families can partake in as a way of
connecting to the banquet ourselves and teaching our children to partake. Notice the first connection, though. The most effective way to teach our children
the joy of the liturgical life of the Church is to embrace it in our own lives.
Make a commitment
on how you will fast during Lent
As Orthodox, we fast
from food to be able to fast from sin.
And it is our sin that keeps us from experiencing God fully. This connection between how we eat and how we
sin is what the Fathers of the Church are clear on. This connection is also something that is
lost in contemporary society. In America
today, we don’t hear a lot about how fasting can help a marriage stay together
or how a family can learn to love God through fasting. As a therapist, I see marriages fail because
people cannot control how they act towards each other. Essentially the more we indulge ourselves in
whatever we want, the more we become enslaved to our desires, rather than free
to love. Fasting is not magic, but when
we feast at the banquet of our souls through fasting we see God transforming
our worldly desires towards His Kingdom.
Opening up our marriages and families to fasting opens up our hearts to
be filled with the Grace of God and be truly free.
Fasting rules for
families is a personal thing. Each
family will do it differently. In consultation
with your Priest or Spiritual Father, consider following the fasting guidelines
of the Church. Consider what you did
last year, and take a step further this year.
For some, this might mean fasting from meat and dairy the first and last
weeks of Lent. For others, it is time to
fast from dairy products during every week of Lent, or on Wednesdays and
Fridays. Learning to partake of fasting
from the buffet of the Church during Lent means letting go of control of our
diet and giving this to God. Fasting is
not just about food, but also about healing our souls. It is a challenge for us today, but like any
sacrifices we make in faith, God’s blessings that come from it are uncountable.
Now what should we
do if our kids don’t want to go? Or maybe
we have mixed feelings about going.
Attending the services requires a commitment of our time that will pay
off in transforming our hearts and lives towards receiving God’s Grace. God’s Grace heals the ills of our souls, but
services don’t have to be boring. Spend
time as a family to make it meaningful.
Learn about the service. Ask your
Priest to teach what is happening to you and why. Participate in the services by learning the
hymns and prayers. Suggest coordinating
a potluck or discussion group at Church after service for families. This could mean coordinating activities for
kids and discussions for adults. Do a
family activity following the service that everyone will enjoy, like a family
night at home. Like many good things in
life, until we learn to love the medicine of worship in our lives, a teaspoon
of sugar helps it go down. There are few
things as boring as an Orthodox Church service that you are not connected with
and there is nothing more transforming than living a life of worship.
Make a commitment
to family prayer at home during Lent
Kids are more
likely to feel at home at church if their home feels more like a church. While I am not suggesting that we walk slowly
and use quiet voices at home, Lent is a great time to build your family icon
corner, or come together before your icon corner in prayer. Mom and dad must be taking things seriously
if they are lighting a candle before the icons and bowing their heads in
prayer. If we are singing Church hymns
at home, our kids will feel a familiarity when the hymns are sung at
Church. Lent is a time to consider
coming together as a family before the icons instead of before the
television. If you don’t think you know
how to do this, talk to your Priest about how to start to pray or find people
to teach you about this.
Consider
specifically incorporating the Lenten Prayer of Saint Ephraim as a family. Each evening, following dinner, or before
bedtime when everyone is together, gather at the family icon corner and say the
prayer all together.
O Lord and Master
of my life, give me not the spirit of sloth, faintheartedness, lust for power,
or idle talk. (prostration)
But grant me, your
servant, the spirit of moderation, humility, patience, and love. (prostration)
Yes, O Lord and
King, grant me to see my own faults and not to judge my brothers and
sisters. For you are blessed to the ages
of ages. Amen (prostration)
After each verse,
do a full prostration, or bow, in front of the icon of Christ. This is the same prostration the Priest does
at the beginning of services. Nothing
shifts a family prayer time like doing prostrations together. Christ is present as we gather, and through
the icons. Bowing down to Him makes it
real and requires a step in faith. Paradoxically,
it strengthens our faith, which is what we need as we try to turn our lives
towards Him.
So the Lenten
buffet is laid out before us to nourish our souls and prepare us to receive
Christ at Easter. We can partake of
fasting, church services, and prayer in the home. I have not mentioned many of the other
‘dishes’ available like confession, forgiveness, almsgiving, reading the
scriptures, pilgrimages, reading the lives of the Saints, or memorizing
scripture or prayers. The banquet is set
for us to partake as much as we desire.
The goal or purpose
of Lent is not to fast or pray. The goal
of Lent is to experience God directly.
Helping our kids ‘get more out of Church’ means helping them experience
God directly. Lent is a time for
families to reorient themselves towards God, but it takes a commitment to open
our families to the life in Christ and open our homes to God’s saving
Grace. The feast is there for us to
partake of, but we can also walk right by, grabbing a bowl of cold cereal. Remember, though, that after a bowl of cereal
you will be hungry again in an hour. But
God promises those who partake, that “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst
after righteousness, for they shall be filled.”
An article by Philip
Mamalakis, PhD
CONVERSATION