We have been
to another century, another dimension today. The Liturgy is boundless… We
cannot limit it to human things, be they a chord or a unique way of singing.
The Church is eternal life, and Liturgy is eternal life, too. Everyone wants to
sing his tune but we have to make sure that sin does not silence it.
If we start
to think about our life in earnest, it will change. How will it change? We
should calculate exactly what we can or cannot do. We always go for extremes —
either nothing or everything. This maximalism stems from pride. «A bird in the
hand is worth two in the bush», people say. This is why we need to see our
measure and find our tune in this choir. We should sing louder than the world
that resonates inside us through passions, desires, seemingly correct
assumptions and feelings. In fact, these sounds are too human, too transient.
We should sing in an Angel-like manner. Does anyone know how Angels sing? Do
they use Byzantine or Russian or English or American chant? Angels sing when
God is with us, when there is peace inside our hearts, when we have truly
repented and made up our minds to lead a different life — to live with God.
There is a
frightening story in the Gospel: the young man's decent and clean life wasn't
enough for him to be able to follow in the footsteps of Christ. We all carry
such a young man inside our souls.
It is easy
for a person who faces critical situations to pray. Archimandrite John
Krestyankin used to recall, «I prayed a lot in jail but after that, my prayer
became less zealous». When an individual finds himself on the verge between
life and death, when he realises that his chances to survive are slim, that's
when true prayer begins. Right now, we are simply getting ready for it,
learning words, reciting them, sometimes even attentively, but that's not
enough. Every cell of one's body, one's entire heart, has to be involved in
prayer, and that's when mountains start to move, indeed. Prayer is the ultimate
stretching of one's power. If only everyone prayed like that during the
Liturgy, our church would be lifted up into the sky.
Do you happen
to believe that this church will last forever? No, everything will disappear.
We should not attach ourselves to any of the earthly things. The soul of a
human, his body where God's grace abides, where God dwells, is that church.
Therefore, our task is to sing the Cherubic hymn correctly by laying aside all
earthly cares, by being alone face to face with God the King and praising him
together with Angels. We find this notion in our worship, where we are invited
to praise God with one mouth and one heart. We have to love each other and be
unanimous. We have to leave this church with peace and carry Christ in our
hearts. Is it easy when there's sin inside us, when we are self-loving and proud?
Orthodoxy is
the real life where we have to notice our neighbour and greet him with a kind
word. This life must not be an abstract philosophy or asceticism of sorts.
Sometimes a drunkard is closer to God than a proud ascetic. The Good Thief did
not say like the young man, «What lack I yet?» He was dying for his sins — his
terrible sins — but he found himself in the paradise. The young man, on the
contrary, was pure and enjoyed it, and he thought, «I’ve done everything and
now I expect to hear that I am welcome in the Kingdom of Heaven». However, it
turned out that he wasn’t yet ready to follow Christ.
So when I crawl and not walk, when I say that it’s all
over now and I’m worthless, I’m the worst of all people, the most sinful, most
filthy of them all, then will the words «Many that
are first shall be last; and the last shall be first» (cf. Matthew 19:28-30) come true. God
turns the pyramid upside down, and we don’t know what to prefer: to suffer from
the sin or to be proud of ourselves.
We haven’t
started to sing the Cherubic song yet. It is waiting for us. Let’s get ready.
Don’t sing high notes or you’ll strain your voice. I can attest to it: on the
night of Pascha I sometimes want to sing so loudly as to make my voice heard to
everyone, but it may be pride. You sing too high and you start to husk. You
should sing lower notes if you plan to keep singing. Life’s no different.
Father Sophrony used to say, «A person who begins with small feats, ends up
with prayer for the whole world; but a person who begins with great feats, ends
up with an empty drum».
Great saints
did not see themselves as saints but those who want to show off keep saying
that they are holy. A highly spiritual man says that he is the most sinful
person. How beautiful it is! You don’t need anything else.
I spent a lot
of time with Father Nicholas Gurianov. I remember him telling me, «Why have you
come here? You’re wasting your time and money! You’ve got a family to care
for». There were other people who invited me to visit them, «Come to me, I’m a
prophet, I’m a man of prayer». Publicity — that was what they wanted. However,
when you see a humble person, this is the most beautiful thing of all. When a
person feels that he’s unworthy, God dwells inside him. When a person feels
that he’s a hero, there’s nothing inside him but pride. That is why it is so
essential to live with God and not to build castles in the air, not to be
mesmerised. We should lead a simple life so that we would have «a hundred
Angels around us». We don’t have to invent anything — we have everything we
need: all we have to do is to be attentive and cautious. We should look
carefully and see our neighbours.
A wife comes
and says, «My husband is so terrible, I can’t get saved with him». Imagine, how
dreadful! A nun comes and says, «Things are so bad in our monastery, everyone
is so bad: the abbess is bad, and the spiritual father is even worse...»
Everything is bad for a person who does not possess the Holy Spirit: the church
is bad, priests are bad, the patriarch is bad, the government is bad, the
prices are bad, the health is bad, the flat is bad. However, when the Holy
Spirit enters that person’s soul, he begins to say, «Everyone is good, just
remarkably good». Our way of looking at things defines the world around us. We
see what we look at (cf. Matthew 6:22, 23). Some people are short-sighted,
while others are far-sighted. The far-sighted can see everything that is far
but they cannot see things that are right in front of them. The short-sighted
see themselves but they cannot see people and objects that are far from them.
We have to restore our eyesight to be able to see both near and far. You can
move mountains but your family will suffer. Who needs your feats if anyone of
your loved ones is about to perish?
Therefore, we
should take our time to think, we should be in tune with the life. The tune of
our lives is a permanent thought, a constant movement of our heart and soul
looking for God. Where is God? How can I lose him? You can lose contact with
God for a single word or a single thought; and then you'll come across lots of
torment and suffering. So let us think hard, let us learn to think and to see
what is right and what is wrong.
CONVERSATION