Summer is sweet and blossoming and is a perfect time
for weddings. We have prepared some information about the Sacrament of
Matrimony for you to read and enjoy during these sunny days. You will learn
what the Holy Fathers have to say about it, how you can prepare for it, and
find answers to many family-related questions.
Holy Fathers on Marriage and Family
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| Icon of St John Chrysostom |
"Where a husband, a wife and their children are united with the bonds of
virtue, agreement, and love, there is Christ among them." St John Chrysostom
"It is a true treasure and great happiness when the husband and wife live
in unity, being one flesh with one another. Even if they are poor and not
noble, they can be happier than everybody else because they enjoy real
happiness and are always at peace. Those who abide in such a family union are
not disturbed by anything; nothing can interfere with their peaceful happiness.
If the husband and wife are unanimous, peaceful, and united in love, all good
comes to them. Evil slander doesn't hurt them because they are guarded by their
unanimity in God, like a high wall... It multiplies their wealth and
prosperity; it promotes them to the highest level of good honor; it attracts
great God's benevolence." St John
Chrysostom
"Father, what unites a husband and a wife most of all? —
"Appreciation", I replied. One person loves the other for what that
other gives him or her. The wife gives her husband trust, loyalty, and
obedience. The husband gives his wife confidence and protection. The wife is
the host of the house, and at the same time she is the main servant at the
house. The husband is the sovereign ruler of the household but he carries its
burdens, too." Elder Paisius of Mt
Athos.
"He who lives in a family, will be saved thanks to family virtues." St Theophan the Recluse
"Because they are one flesh, (spouses) also have one soul and motivate
one another to become more pious by mutual love. Family life does not alienate
a person from God. On the contrary, it makes one more attached to him because
that person has more instances when he needs God's help. A small ship moves
forward by a soft wind; a big ship won't move at the light breath of air.
Likewise, people who have few things to care about, need less help of the great
God; however, a man who has to care for his beloved spouse, property, and
children, travels across a vast sea of life, so he needs more help from God,
and he in turn loves God more. Bound by marriage, we are hands and feet and
ears of one another. Family life makes even a weak one two times stronger.
Common cares make sorrows easier to bear, and common joys make both sides
happier. Wealth is more pleasant if the husband and wife are unanimous; if they
are poor, their unanimity is more pleasant than wealth. Bonds of marriage serve
as a key to chastity and desires, a seal of vital attachment." St Gregory the Theologian
FAQ on Church Wedding and Family Life
How can
I get ready for family life?
The Lord blesses
people to be together, and the Church blesses their marriage through the
Sacrament of Matrimony. You should be ready to bear the burdens of your
partner. This effort to serve one's spouse, to sacrifice your apparent freedom,
and to give everything up because you love that person, is huge. Nowadays
people can hardly do it on their own: they need God's help. And God helps them.
Seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you (cf.
Matthew 7:7). We should pray that the Lord send us our second half.
What do I need to do in order to
get married in church?
You should come to a
church and talk with a priest. Generally, the life of a couple should be not
too far from the life of the Church. The Church will help and bless your family
through the Sacraments of Matrimony and Baptism of their children. It would be
great if your family started going to church on a regular basis, because you
will need God's help and blessing for the struggle to become a good family and
to build good relationships in your family, i.e. being able to carry one
another's burdens with humility and love.
Is it allowed to
marry, if less than a year has passed since the death of my grandmother?
People should
marry if they have decided to make their relationship legally binding and fully
accept their obligations to one another. There are many people today who do not
want to do it, who don't want their relationship to be binding, and hesitate to
take this step because they give in to their egotism and lack of responsibility.
Your grandmother will be happy to see that her grandchild has a wife under the
law, and your relationship with your wife will be very different: you may even
have children, God willing. So you won't be breaking any law if you marry; on
the contrary, it is a great idea.
Is it important to get married in church if one of the spouses is a believer
and the other isn't? Is a family who only had a civil ceremony guilty of
fornication?
The
Church accepts civil marriage as valid but it isn't consecrated yet. Today one
of you is a believer while the other is not. Your task is to help your partner
to turn to God so that you could consecrate your marriage in church and go on
to build your home church. You will need lots of love, patience, humility, and fervent
prayer - and the miracle will happen. If you coerce your partner to go and get
married in church while he or she opposes it, the result may be devastating.
You cannot make a person believe. He or she has to have a personal encounter
with God, thanks to your prayer and love, by seeing your life. If it is
important for you and you are a practising Orthodox Christian, this will incite
you to begin praying seriously. Keep calm and work hard.
Can an Orthodox wife marry a Catholic husband?
Yes,
she can, but she will need a blessing from the diocesan office. What will
suffice for a wedding? Two hearts that want God to unite them forever. You will
need to trust God and be ready to fight, to carry one another's burdens so as
to fulfil the law of Christ. Naturally, you will have to help one another,
support one another in difficult life situations, and not allow the sin to soil
your family life.
Is keeping oneself
chaste before wedding essential?
If
possible, try to abstain from intimacy before marriage. Take care of your love
and grow it and struggle for it. This is an immense task. Support one another,
help one another, bear the burdens of your partner. You have to struggle to
make your relationship pure and beautiful. May the Lord help you to create a good
Christian family.
What should a married
couple do during the Great Lent?
A
person who starts an Orthodox family receives a blessing for this from God in
the Holy Church, effectively becoming a warrior for Christ. We must help each
other in the struggle against sin, in the fight for our love, which is a gift
from God that we have to keep. What should a married couple do? They should
help one another, serve one another and support one another. Of course, this is
impossible without God's help. We go to church, confess, and take communion.
During the Lent, we do it more often. We limit our requirements, we abandon the
pleasures of this world so as to make sure our soul could grow and develop and
become more mature. Everyone has their own measure of spiritual growth. We
should start by looking at our neighbor and asking ourselves how we can help
him, what we can do to support him in a difficult situation, and not by what we
have heard or read.
What
should I do if I no longer love my partner?
Love
is a gift. There are several types of love: one that you fall into; one that is
dominated by passion; and one out of habit, among others. You have come to God,
you have found your road to the church; in fact, it is the Lord who is the
source of love. Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find;
knock, and it shall be opened unto you (Matthew 7:7). Today you don't
notice how beautiful your partner is, and you don't love him or her because, in
general, that person does not love anyone, too. Everyone is beautiful. Look at
your partner not as you usually do but trying to discover his or her real
beauty. Ask God to help you to love this person. And maybe you will see a
totally different person. Maybe, if you notice his or her inner depth, you will
be able to perceive him or her in a different light. You have Someone to pray
to, Someone who has come to save man, Someone who has come to teach us to love.
You need to have a dialogue with your partner. You need to try to understand
him: what he lives for and how he lives. You can find in everyone something to
pity them for. You can accept your partner as he is. Your effort will certainly
come to fruition. God's blessing of your marriage is extremely important, too:
through the grace of the Holy Spirit, the Sacrament of Matrimony gives a new
feeling, helps to see things differently and perceive the beauty that you will
have to struggle for throughout your life. However, if we spare ourselves and
keep dreaming about people who would love us with zeal and passion, these
dreams will prevent us from living in today, from the real life; they will
isolate us from the people who are around us.
It
was Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St Elisabeth Convent,
who kindly provided answers to your questions.
Summer
is a wonderful season when many couples plan to get married. Please have a look
at our Catalog where you can
choose everything you may need for your wedding. Click here to learn more.
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