As days get longer, the storms get stronger. When an individual begins
his way, it seems to him that everything is easy, that he simply has to move
forward with his head up and sing a merry song. However, complications begin to
set in, and it seems to him that he probably chose the wrong way, or maybe he
will not be able to pull through. Or maybe there is a different way, a
shortcut, an easier and a more convenient one? And he begins to doubt and
hesitate, although everything seemed so simple to him at first.
When an individual comes to God, everything seems simple to him, as if
his life has changed and he became holy, and everyone should pay attention to
what he says and God would always help him. Certainly, such delusions soon
fade. Sometimes this disillusionment takes some time. The quicker it happens,
the better, because a person who shows off and teaches everybody how to live
with God may do a lot of harm. Many people might be shunned by it when they see
or feel the falsehood, the bravado, and the slogans that have nothing to back
them.
When the person faces his total inability, when he can no longer
understand what to do because he sees that sin is ingrained in everything he
does – surely, this feeling of one's own misery makes one sober. It must be
sobering, not depressing. This is why we keep talking about balance, about the
constant inner work that a believer should do to avoid being abused and
beguiled by the enemy.
Sometimes our wrongdoings and mistakes are revealed to us. We should
take a timely stop, not to deceive ourselves, and start everything over again.
During his lifetime, a Christian is in contact with a different and a
new life, which is eternal. In spite of the fact that this life is different,
we use the old maps, the old guidelines. It is this contradiction that tears an
individual apart, attacks and ruins him. This is when the humble truly receive
grace.
If an individual reconciles with himself, with his own infirmities, if
he is patient and realises that he is, in fact, unworthy of anything and is
unable to do anything on his own, life becomes easier for such a man. But when
a person is infested with pride, when he is too enthusiastic and has too much
energy, life is difficult for him. One needs to calm down, not to hurry, and
not to make a fuss. It is this that can make one depressed: the thought that he
wants to do everything but no one listens to him and no one needs his
“spiritual” energy.
Human enthusiasm may be very self-devastating. This is why God's power
is not made manifest in human power. If we take God's power and add up human
power, we have two powers. It is surprising to see a weak man who is able to
feel his guilt and to come closer to God. Such a person begins to see this
world as it is in reality, even if imperfectly. His world outlook changes
because his own opinion, moods and emotional states do not interfere with his
vision.
I recall the late Novice Tamara. She used to be a very obstinate and
quick-tempered person. Sometimes she used to say bad and cruel words to other
people. She had got accustomed to it in the boarding home. However, she changed
drastically when she got ill and suffered. She suddenly turned into a different
personality – her words and her feelings were totally different. It was a
positive transformation, when her old self with its “truths,” claims, and
grievances died, and a new person who was humble and grateful to God, who
accepted God's will and had everything in its right place was born at last. See
what change there might be! It may be attributed to her illness, a certain
shock.
The Bible says, I found trouble and sorrow, then called I upon the
name of the Lord (Ps. 116:3-4). Should we all want to be ill? A
person might say, “I'd rather be ill than sin.” No, we should not say so! We
should take care of our health. However, this must not be a cult, an idol, for
us. And at the same time we should do something that we can do. We do not need
to guess what to do: there is a certain amount of work, duties, and a number of
people around us. It is an unbroken field; we have so much to change and
correct here!
Sometimes overcoming ourselves may be a difficult task. This is because
we are usually infected with sin, and the sin shows the human “truth” to us,
due to which, of course, we cannot see God's Providence, humility and
long-suffering of the Lord, and therefore we judge wrongly and do inaccurate
estimations. This is because we choose ourselves as the point of reference.
If any man will come after Me,
let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me (Luke 9:23). How can we deny ourselves? You see, if we don't, we will go
in the wrong direction. How can we deny ourselves? Is it something we can do
using our own power? Of course, not. Nevertheless, in Christianity the law of
nature is reverted. See what the Holy Spirit says through the Apostle: There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither
bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ
Jesus (Cf. Gal.3:28).
All are alive unto God: Christ is risen, and there are no more dead in the
graves. There are no more dead, but we are dead, and it is very hard for us to
come back to life because we are used to a lethargic and relaxed kind of life
that is based on egoism and whims. Such a person will not make it to the
Kingdom of God, of course.
God's love is what we need to get
through to the eternity. Come unto
me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden (Matthew 11:28). It means that the
Lord does not restrict salvation to a certain age or abilities – all ye that
labour, come unto Him. It seems that all have equal conditions and can work.
When someone comes to me asking, “What should I do?” I reply, “Do
anything you can but do it eagerly, attentively, with love and humility.” You
need not stand on your head or travel to the jungle. Take a cloth and wash the
floor until it is clean – and this will be a holy deed, once you do it with
prayer and humility...
“What should I do? How can I be saved?” As if it were a mystery! Do not
judge anyone and thank God for everything. Do not trust the sin that dwells
inside you. Again, we ought to triumph over ourselves and our opinions. We
should trample down on our egoism. We all know too well what we should do but
we are not determined enough to do it. This is why we blame someone else, try
to justify ourselves by circumstances, try to say that we are not ready yet...
We are looking for someone and something to blame, and the enemy is glad to use
it as he pleases.
People are not bad but each one convinces himself that he is right and
is eager to see the wrongdoings of others. As a result, there are
misunderstandings and mistrust, there is no unity and divine peace that the
Lord gives to all of us.
There are different moments in
our lives. The sin lives inside us and reminds us of its presence all the time.
There are the moments of grace when the Lord covers all and we are vibrant and
feel good, like the Apostles on Mount Tabor: “It is good for us to be here”
(Cf. Luke 9:33). However, when temptation comes, we may say, “I do
not know anything, I have nothing to do with it, leave me alone, don't touch
me!”
This is why creation of anything in this world is a difficult task. It
is a difficult task even to create a family. How many of real families where
people serve and obey one another, where they love and stay focused on one
another are there? If we manage to find one such family, it is a miracle! It is
even more meaningless to talk about the Sisterhood and the Convent because each
person has his own version of the world, which is hostile to alternative
opinions and visions. “I believe in my own right more than in anything else.”
If we want to be united, we need God.
The Church is the unity, the
unassailable institution, which the gates of hell will not prevail against,
because Christ loves us, because the Church is based on love, on the love of
Christ towards man. We leave this love without an answer because we do not hold
it in high esteem and are accustomed to it. This love does not diminish, and
even where sin multiplies, grace is
over-abundant (Cf. Romans
5:20). The Lord does not ask us, “Do you deserve my love or not?” He asks, “Do
you want my love?”
God does not compel us to love him. We live thanks to God's mercy and
thanks to His love, which unites us today regardless of all the sins that must
have already separated us from each other. We see individuals who give in to
their personal vision and personal opinion and go astray. They decide that
their truth is the truest, that their opinion is right, but it is a mistake.
When will that person see that it is a mistake? He may not see it until the end
of his days or he may be able to see it soon enough.
It is so sad to hear about destruction... You hear confessions, and
young people come and tell you about the devil ruining families and making
people angry with one another. He manages to do the most horrible thing: close
relatives become enemies because of material wealth, inheritance,
accommodation, etc. How dreadful it is! How cheaply one can sell himself, how
insane he may be! It happens everywhere all the time.
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When you hear about it constantly, your happiness and optimism gradually
evaporates. At the same time, we must realise that this is transient and
superficial. We should talk about the source of life, the joy that is present
and active in this world and defeats it. Sometimes it is invisible to the human
eye, and we need faith and trust in God in order to see it. We should deny
ourselves, our opinions, and our vision of the current situation.
If a person humbles himself down and listens to advice, it is good;
sometimes he does not do it and does not want to hear anything. Sadly, all this
may be masked by pseudo-Orthodox ideology. It may even become absurd sometimes.
The “Orthodox” person does not notice his neighbour who is suffering nearby –
the latter is low on his priority list. The pseudo-Orthodox thinks that he must
solve global issues. Things like that also happen all the time. It does not
sound too optimistic but we must not lose hope and faith.
We should help one another, support one another, and bear each other's
burdens in order not to fall and not to lose connection with God. Our common
prayer and meetings are useful, perhaps, but not at all times. Some moments are
delightful, some sad, and some really stressful. This is what life is all about,
and we should continue to live, gain new experience, turn new pages of our
life, and draw conclusions from them so that we would not be mistaken and
deceived by sin, which may sometimes appear to be more trustworthy than the
words of the Lord.
Our journey continues, and we attempt to find something, to explore
something in our everyday lives. Most importantly, God is near. Our lives and
the lives of our relatives are in His hands, not in the hands of an accident,
fortune, or coincidences of some sort or another. Everything is
controlled by God.
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