How do we
honor our father and mother? Some equate honor with blind obedience. The
biblical Greek word for "honor" however, is tima does not imply obedience or
subservience. This is an important point. When I hear the confession of
adolescents who are becoming increasingly aware of the imperfections and
shortcomings of their parents, I notice that they want to honor their fathers
and mothers but are confused by the messages within our society that declare
that personal faults negate all authority. Other times they are crippled by
anger and resentment towards their parent because of disagreements, arguments
and in extreme cases, even abuse. This dilemma affects adult children as well.
How, then, we understand the meaning of
"honor your father and mother"?
When we are young, we depend on our father
and mother for nearly everything. They feed, clothe, house and protect us. They
teach us how to respect God, ourselves and other people through using good
words, sharing, and expressing kindness. They offer stern warnings and
discipline especially when we are in danger.
As we grow older, our parents teach us the
importance of responsibility and accountability. We are given chores to
complete along with our homework from school. When we fall short, we have
consequences like losing privileges or being grounded. This is where it gets
tough for kids because the fallen state of rebelliousness rears its head in
more powerful ways. It is difficult for parents to discern how much of this
rebelliousness to allow as an expression of our growing and healthy
independence. Some parents take their child's rebelliousness much too
personally and then discipline in anger to restore their power and pride.
Either way, what's a kid to do? Children
must remain obedient to their parents, even when mom and dad cross the line
because it is an opportunity to learn and express humility. That's difficult
even for adults, to act as if you are wrong even though you may be right. I
tell kids that being humble before your parents teaches you how to be humble
before God and other people. This is important because at some point we become
adults and parents and who are we going to be responsible and accountable to?
Ultimately to God.
For the adult children, we honor our parents by forgiving them. In other words, we cannot continue to blame our parents for how they raised us. No mother or father is going to be perfect in their parenting. It's a fact of life. Some adults spend their whole life in bitterness, anger and resentment because mom and dad did not praise enough, or disciplined too much (or too little), didn't get me into sports, music or a foreign language, or didn't bring me to church (or brought me too much).
Enough-already! We're adults now and we
are responsible for ourselves. Grow up! The first step is to forgive them. The
next step is to thank them for all the good things they did.
Another way we honor our mother and father
is this: when someone sees how you act, what you say, how you treat others, how
you serve society, can they say, "Wow, I'll bet George/Kosta/Maria/Anna
mother and father are proud of him/her. Those parents did a good job raising
him/her."? Can people look at you and say that? If they can, you have just
honored your mother and father. Every time we do something good, just, pure,
holy, we bring honor to our parents.
Nursing homes and care centers are
blessing and a curse. They are a blessing for people who have no family to take
care of them and a curse for those who do but will not. If at possible, take
care of your parents in your own home. Even though we could barely understand
each other, some of my most memorable moments as a child were when yiayia
(grandmother) lived with us. If we want our children to take care of us, do
they see us honoring our parents by taking care of them?
An article by Fr. Richard
Demetrius Andrews
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