The Catalog of Good Deeds: Q&A with an Orthodox priest

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Question: Your blessing, Father. What should I do: my husband has become a priest but I’m not the right kind of a person to be a matushka (a priest’s wife — translator’s note), unfortunately. I’m really bothered about that because I’m not a quiet, meek, and God-fearing girl. I’m a regular kind of woman who has led a fairly secular life. I didn’t have much of a religious upbringing. I have a burden of grave sins in the past: I had had affairs before I met my husband, and I’m not an example to follow even today: I often shout, quarrel, and get annoyed. I get upset easily, I can’t tolerate anything at all. I feel that my soul is seriously ill. I didn’t marry for love: I was just feeling lonely. Why did God send me a seminarian and a son of a priest who decided to follow in his father’s footsteps? Anna.

Answer by Fr. Andrew Lemeshonok: Dear Matushka Anna, although you refuse to accept this title, you’ve become a matushka for real. It is God’s saving grace and God’s mercy toward you. Perhaps, you don’t understand a lot of what is going on yet. You have a habit of sinful living. This is your new duty, and if you are patient, if you at least make some effort, I believe that you will become a very good matushka.

The matushka’s role is helping the priest. It is inner struggle to make sure that there is peace in your family, that you really love your husband. Who can we love when we are in such a sinful condition? In order to learn to love, you’ve got to change your life, you should correct all those errors that you’ve committed in your life. To do so, you’ll require quite a lot of hard work and time.

That is why you shouldn’t complain or whine that you’re so miserable, that you didn’t want it, that you didn’t know it or didn’t understand anything at all. You became a seminarian’s wife so you might have assumed in advance that he would become a priest in the end. Isn’t that the reason young men go to seminary?

Right now, it’s vital that the devil doesn’t break up your family, in which case the new priest will remain single forever. You see what could happen? The devil will do what it takes to destroy your family. He will whisper into your ear, “Ditch your priest and live freely as you please.” Haven’t you had enough of that freedom already? That’s why you currently need to brace yourself and start changing. To do so, you’ll need to open a prayerbook and the Gospel, and go to the church where your husband serves. You should feel that you’re a wife and begin to build up your family and your inner self, which is so pathetic right now. Work hard! You’ll never regret the fruit of your labour. May the Lord save you, Matushka!

November 23, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

It Seems to Me That I Don’t Grow Spiritually. What Should I Do?

Question: Dear Father, your blessing. I go to church every Sunday and I take communion. I read spiritual books and listen to lectures from time to time but nothing ever happens… I don’t seem to change spiritually at all. Sometimes I don’t want to do anything at all (but that must be common for most people). I feel that I don’t move forward. What should I do? Veronica

Answer: The Lord says, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you (Matthew 7: 7). It always happens that when an individual turns to the faith, everything blossoms and smells sweet. He feels as if he can fly. Then there’s a time when that person has to hit the ground. He does his best to change something but nothing changes. That person gets bored and uninspired. I believe that you need to hold on. Do what you have always done: go to church, confess, take communion, and ask God to help you to stand firm in your faith and to remain faithful forever.

The time that you’re going through is really crucial. When God carries you in his arms, it’s easy to believe that you are a hero and that everything is possible. However, when God nudges you to use your own legs for walking, you’ll invariably have problems. Now, you’ve got to learn to walk. A toddler walks down the path, and his feet ache. Don’t spare yourself; keep on walking. Of course, we won’t go very far but at least we’ll learn to be patient and humble, and that’s good enough.

I Can’t Piece My Life Together. Why?

Question: Hello, Father Andrew. I’m unable to piece my life together for some reason. I spent a year in a relationship with a man who turned out to be an alcoholic. He cheated on me, so I left him. I married another man, and he is an alcoholic, too. My dad was an alcoholic. I’ve shed so many tears because of alcohol. Why? What should I do? Veronica

Answer: When people live without the Church and construct their life temerariously using only their own reasoning, the enemy of the human race finds a way to break their life into pieces.

It isn’t God, it is man who chooses the sin. God is waiting for us to request his help. Therefore, the question “Why?” should not be pointed at God. God came into this world to save the sinner. It wasn’t God who concealed himself from us humans: it is us who hid from God. It wasn’t God who broke up with us, it is our own fault. That is why we suffer for our sins.

We were born into this world. Sin is the norm of our life. Only Jesus makes it possible for us to defeat our nature, our flesh and blood, and to start a journey towards a new life in the Heavenly Kingdom. Needless to say, this is a path full of struggle with ourselves, with the devil, and with the world. That is why we should not be asking why. Rather, we should pray, “Lord save me, save my family, make me strong enough to fight the sin and to believe that it will be vanquished in the end.” This is what we should be thinking.

Are Karate Classes Compatible with Orthodoxy?

Question: Father Andrew, your blessing. We’ve decided to enroll our son in karate classes. We met his coach, and the coach told us that he mostly pays attention to general physical agility and discipline during the first couple of years. Then he gradually begins to teach them techniques, etc.

He doesn’t do spiritual practices and doesn’t encourage his students to participate in religious practices or discuss religious matters. However, our friends told us that karate is a kind of Far Eastern martial arts, and therefore contradicts the tenets of Orthodoxy. They added that we shouldn’t let our child be entangled in it. We would like our son to grow into an honest, just, physically and spiritually robust boy and man. What do you think about it? Svetlana

Answer: You are right. You’ve talked with the coach and saw what kind of person he is, whether he is trustworthy or not. You’ve voiced your doubts with regard to the pseudo-spiritual Oriental practices. Your son will grow and develop. I don’t think it will inflict any spiritual harm on his soul—especially since you go to church with your child, and he takes communion. If anything bad happens, you’ll certainly notice it. You love your son and pay attention to him. Don’t hesitate. Children, especially boys, need to grow strong and powerful. Sometimes they need to be able to defend themselves, too.

The main influence on a child comes not from outside; it comes from within the family. That is why, if your family has love and peace, if you live with God, that’s the most important thing. All other things shall be added unto you.

November 15, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Question: Explain to me, please, why women may not enter a church when they are unclean (during menstruation)? After what period of time after the completion of these days may they venerate holy things and Commune? How should one behave if during this time one finds oneself on a pilgrimage? I’ve heard that such a prohibition has not always existed, and comes from the tradition of the ancient Syrian Church. Please explain.

Answer: In agreement with the statutes of the Divinely-reveled Old Testament religion, cleanliness (spiritual-moral and physical) is an essential requirement for approaching all things holy. Sin leads to inner uncleanliness. Physical uncleanliness in the books of Law in the Old Testament included: leprosy, purulent discharge, carnal emissions, the time of cleansing after childbirth (forty days for a boy, eighty days for a girl; Lev. 12), female bleeding (monthly and pathological), touching a decaying body (corpse). According to the religious understanding of ancient cultures, uncleanliness was not a sin, but it was genetically related with it. It is with this meaning that the holy prophets used it: Isaiah (6:5), Ezekiel (22:5), Zechariah (13:2). The word “clean” is also etymologically connected with a moral condition. It means luminous, emitting light (Job 17:9; Isaiah 50:12). The New Testament Church abolished ritual uncleanliness. The primary condition for our union with God is inner purity: “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Mt. 5:8). The New Testament Church of Christ, in abolishing the Old Testament statutes of ritual purity, simultaneously preserved restrictions for women during childbirth and during menstruation. The second canon of St Dionysius of Alexandria (third century) reads: “Concerning menstruous women, whether they ought to enter the temple of God while in such a state, I think it superfluous even to put the question. For, I think, not even themselves, being faithful and pious, would dare when in this state either to approach the Holy Table or to touch the body and blood of Christ. For not even the woman with a twelve years’ issue would come into actual contact with Him, but only with the edge of His garment, to be cured. There is no objection to one’s praying no matter how he may be or to one’s remembering the Lord at any time and in any state whatever, and petitioning to receive help; but if one is not wholly clean both in soul and in body, he shall be prevented from coming up to the Holy of Holies.”

Source: http://ishmaelite.blogspot.com/2010/06/menstruation-and-communion.html

Question: "What does St Paul mean when he says "Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law" (1 Corinthians 14:34)? Does this mean that women cannot direct or sing in the choir?"

Answer: Interpreting this passage is complicated by the fact that it is in the context of a discussion of how speaking in tongues and prophecy were to be handled during the services of the Church, and yet because of the abuse of these practices by those who were suffering from spiritual delusion, the Church ceased to allow such things to be done in the context of the services altogether. Furthermore, because women who claimed to have the gift of prophecy were very prominent in the Montanist heresy (which began in the second century), in many of the comments about this passage you find in the Fathers, they are using it polemically. And so it may be that polemics led some to take the view that this passage means that women should refrain not only from speaking in prophecy or singing audibly in the Church, but even from praying audibly. However, this view was not unanimously held.

St. Paul said earlier in the same epistle: "But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven" (1 Corinthians 11:5), and here he makes no suggestion that they should not pray or prophesy in Church... only that they should not do so without their heads uncovered. St. John Chrysostom points out:

"For there were, as I said, both men who prophesied and women who had this gift at that time, as the daughters of Philip, (Acts 21:9) as others before them and after them: concerning whom also the prophet spake of old: “your sons shall prophesy, and your daughters shall see visions” (c.f. Joel 2:28 and Acts 2:17 - from Homily 26 on 1 Corinthians).

In his 37th homily on 1 Corinthians (which covers 14:34), he says that the prohibition is directed against women speaking "idly," or "inconsiderately" (i.e. out of the proper order discussed earlier in chapter 14), but he does not suggest that the statement prohibits women who had the gift of prophecy from prophesying in Church.

The context of chapter 14 is about the proper order that should prevail when people either spoke in tongues or prophesied... and there is a previous instance in which St. Paul speaks of keeping silence:

"If any man speak in an unknown tongue, let it be by two, or at the most by three, and that by course; and let one interpret. But if there be no interpreter, let him keep silence in the church; and let him speak to himself, and to God (1 Corinthians 14:27-8).

Clearly in this case, St. Paul is not making an absolute ban on such a person speaking in Church - he is only forbidding him to speak in tongues if there is no one to interpret (in which case no one else would receive any edification). And so the silence is with regard to speaking out of good order.

Then St. Paul again speaks of keeping silent:

"Let two or three prophets speak, and let the others judge. But if anything is revealed to another who sits by, let the first keep silent. For you can all prophesy one by one, that all may learn and all may be encouraged. And the spirits of the prophets are subject to the prophets. For God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints" (1 Corinthians 14:29-33).

When it speaks of letting the others judge, this suggests that after a person would prophesy, others would comment on it - most likely this would have been done by those who had charge of the Church (certainly an Apostle, if present, and the local bishop, presbyters, and deacons). Probably some would ask questions about what was said. It is in both of these respects that St. Paul is telling women to keep silence, and if they had questions to ask their husbands about it later -- but this meant keeping silence with regard to these specific things. And St. John Chrysostom's comments about refraining from idle talk were certainly also applicable here.

Of course, in our context, we would not allow either a man or a women to speak in tongues or prophesy in the context of a service, but the point is that the statement that women should keep silence was not an absolute prohibition against women praying audibly or singing.

St. Ephrem the Syrian actually formed women choirs in Edessa (see "Spoken Words, Voiced Silence: Biblical Women in Syriac Tradition, by Susan Ashbrook Harvey). According to Fr. Robert Taft (a noted historian of Eastern Liturgics), there was also a woman's choir in the Hagia Sophia (Interview of Sister Vassa Larin, "Orthodoxy is not a Religion of Fear").

There are also long standing traditions of congregational singing, such as among the Carpatho-Russians, which obviously included women in the singing. And those who have grown up in that context will tell you that this was one of the most powerful aspects of parish life.

Furthermore, women have been singing in mixed choirs and even directing choirs in the Russian Church for a very long time now, and saints, such as St. John of Shanghai have not only raised no objections to it, but have blessed it to be so. So while one may make a case against women singing on the basis of the comments of some Fathers, the fact that the Church has allowed it, and that this has been without any controversy, and with the blessing of many saints should restrain anyone from making dogmatic arguments against the practice.

It is also a fact that without women singers and choir directors, many parishes would be hard pressed to pull off a decent service, and so even if you could make the argument that in an ideal world, choirs would consist of only tonsured male readers, the problem remains that we do not live in such an ideal world, and have to use the resources that we have. St. Paul's concern in his first epistle to the Corinthians was that "all things be done decently, and in good order" (1 Corinthians 14:40). If our interpretation of his admonitions leads us to the opposite effect, then I would suggest this means we are misreading him on some level.

When a baby girl is baptized, she is Churched. And in that service, the priest brings her into the middle of the Church and says "In the midst of the church shall she sing praises unto Thee" (c.f. Psalm 21[22]:22). It is hard to imagine why we would say this if we did not intend that it should actually happen.

By Fr. John Whiteford

Source: http://fatherjohn.blogspot.com/2015/11/stump-priest-women-singing-in-church.html

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