There are many couples who cannot become parents. How
should they view their childlessness if it was sent by God?
It’s hard for us to
know for sure whether it was God who sent it. Let’s put it this way: we face a
temptation, and it’s God’s will. Even the very hairs of your head are all
numbered. Does it mean that we should sit still doing nothing except praying
and waiting patiently? If I have a toothache, what should I do? Should I see my
dentist or pray to Hieromartyr Antipas? The answer is both. Similarly, in your
situation you should both pray and see a doctor to figure out the reason of
your childlessness and try to get healed. The Fundamentals of the Social
Policies of the Russian Orthodox Church allow the so-called supplementary
reproductive technologies, which don’t involve destruction of embryos, i.e.,
killing off the unneeded embryonic cells. All consequences of these methods are
not thoroughly examined yet, and therefore we treat them with caution. In
addition, these reproductive technologies cost a lot of money, and not everyone
can afford them.
Alternatively, you
may consider adoption. Each couple should reach their own godly decision based
on faith and not on their own dreams. Faith in God isn’t self-hypnosis or an
exercise of one’s own willpower, where absence of hesitations and doubts
guarantees that the Lord will do what we want. Believing in God and believing
in oneself are radically different. Believing in oneself and the desire to
prove it sometimes leads a person to audacious and silly actions. People risk
their lives climbing towers and rocks, and jump from them to feel what it’s
like to fly like birds; or swim with killer whales and hug crocodiles and
lions. It’s amazing how they can get away with it (at least temporarily). A
believer in God might often appear to be indecisive in daily life. He is afraid
to make anything sinful, and generally, he isn’t a hero of our times.
Nonetheless, eager to be faithful in the least and to live according to God’s
commandments, he grows his faith, becomes closer to God, and is able to see His
will more and more clearly.
What if you feel that God doesn’t let you have
children? What do you make out of it?
Love must be at the
center of each family. Childlessness can be a tragedy if one partner starts to
blame the other for it. A loving person will never even hint at it and will
never be so tactless as to hurt the beloved one’s feelings and to make him or
her suffer. Unfortunately, when people quarrel, they do the opposite: they
direct their blows at the most vulnerable points. A passion for having kids may
be perceived as a reproach and make the other partner feel guilty and willing
to justify herself/himself. It’s caused by lack of love and trust. Childless
couples sometimes think that they can’t be happy without kids.
Sure, children can
make us extremely happy. When the husband and the wife love and take care of
their children, it brings out their best qualities, boosts their reliability
and selflessness. Young parents or inveterate egoists—all new parents learn to
care for someone other than themselves. By loving their children, parents learn
to love and respect one another. However, childbirth doesn’t save us
automatically. It isn’t the sole purpose of a family. Jesus Christ is the sole
purpose of every soul. He said, And a
man’s foes shall be they of his own household (Matthew 10:36). And, He that loveth… son or daughter more than me
is not worthy of me (Matthew 10:37).
Only Christ can
give us the solution of all our temporary problems, both personal and
family-related, and provide us with eternal happiness and bliss. Family and
children simply help us to realize how egocentric we all are and repent.
May God help us
all, married and not, childless or those who have many children, to carry our
crosses humbly and never seek a different cross.
By Archpriest Vladimir Sedov
Translated by The Catalog of Good Deeds
Source: http://pravoslavie.ru/117329.html
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