This
section is about the people who are part of our Convent. We at Saint Elisabeth
Convent are one big family, and it’s a shame to not know who you share your
home with…
Faith…
Sister
Lyubov, please tell us how you turned to God?
I turned to God thanks to my daughter’s
rebelliousness. She was obstinate and caustic. It suddenly dawned on me that no
one could help: regardless of how much I yelled at her, punished her, and
scolded her, she wasn’t going to improve.
I began praying every day. I would walk to my
workplace, breathe in, and simply say, “Lord save and protect my daughter!
Guide her to the right track…”
On an Easter eve during perestroika, the TV
broadcasted The Gospel According to St. Matthew by Pier Paolo Pasolini. I was
fascinated by historical films. I watched it, and it got me thinking. If all
its characters—Pontius Pilate and King Herod—were real, then Jesus was real,
too. That was how faith started growing in my heart.
That was what I thought: Jesus Christ was the only man
in history titled “Saviour of the World.” Neither Mohammad nor Buddha got that
title. I wasn’t sure what the fact of the Lord’s death on the Cross had to do
with my life. And then it struck me: “He died for you!” For us… It means that
He died for me, too!
Humans are always looking for God throughout their
lives. Humans are looking for the meaning of their own existence. When I got
married and gave birth to a child, my purpose seemed evident: to raise a good
and decent person. However, little by little it became apparent that, first of
all, no one is capable of rearing a decent person single-handedly. And
secondly, if the soul is immortal, then hell also exists… Consequently, one has
to live in such a way so as not to get into it. It must be noted that many
people begin their journey to God from believing in hell because it often
begins here on earth.
Even now, I live in apprehension that life without God
is a tragedy, and life with God is tragedy with a happy end. You know that God
exists and that He saves people. Pray to Him and do your best to follow the
chosen path. Naturally, it isn’t always easy… A Christian walks on a tight
rope. Personally, I tread the rope. I fall every time I have a sinful thought
or word. The Lord brings me back to my feet. The Communion is the rescue hook.
It
seems that your journey is a constant search of meaning. Why did you turn to
Orthodoxy?
I used to think that all religions and denominations
had the rights to exist. However, I decided: If the Lord destined me to be born
in the Orthodox Russia, it means that I shouldn’t protest. I should take this
route. After my baptism and upon reading works by the Holy Fathers, I became
convinced that the Orthodoxy is the truth. I was so happy!
Hope…
When
did you get baptised?
I was baptised when I was forty-three. I’m from
Siberia. I was born in Ulan-Ude, Buryatia, in a regular family. My father was a
teacher of mathematics, and my mother was the director of a shop. They were
divorced. My dad wasn’t baptised. I pray to Holy Martyr Warus for the repose of
his soul. My mum got baptised, and the Lord took her to his Kingdom a year
after that.
I was baptised in Ss Peter and Paul Cathedral. In
fact, it took me a while to get to church: I was always busy working at home
and on my dacha. But then I fell ill.
I was admitted to Hospital No.2. Our sisters and
Father Andrew came to that hospital and visited the ill. One day, I came to
Father Andrew Lemeshonok and said that I wanted to take communion but I wasn’t
baptised. He looked at me in surprise: “Why don’t you get baptised?” “Well,
sometimes I don’t have time, and sometimes money.” He replied in a soft voice,
“Come and I’ll baptise you.” He scheduled the time. What do you think? Did I
come?
When I blurted out to my husband, “Tolik, let’s get
baptised together! In Novinki!” he unexpectedly protested. “Oh no! Not in
Novinki! It isn’t a prayer-filled place yet! We shall go to the venerable Saint
Peter and Paul Church, also known as St Catherine’s Church.” That was how we
got baptised together. I didn’t realise that Father Andrew was probably waiting
for me at the specified time…
It was thanks to the Sacrament of Baptism that I was
healed. I could barely walk and I couldn’t run. I felt as if my legs wore heavy
chains. Doctors diagnosed me with obliterating arthritis of lower extremities.
They told me that it was an incurable disease. The only thing that I could do
to mitigate it was hospital treatment twice a year…
After my baptism, I suddenly felt that I could run. I
couldn’t fathom what happened. My pain was over… I had my second ultrasound,
and the doctor grumbled, “Why do you come here if you’re fine? Why do you waste
my time?” “What do you mean? I came to you because my doctor in the hospital
sent me. It wasn’t my decision.” He looked at me and said firmly: “You ain’t
got anything!”
I had been very loud and domineering but after my
baptism, everything changed: I could no longer shout and yell. I was reading
works by Holy Fathers and found out that I was to behave differently with my
husband because he was the head of the family. It wasn’t okay to yell at him.
However, I still like to order people about (laughs).
You see, women in our country have taken up too many
responsibilities. The responsibilities are too heavy for them. Women don’t
possess enough spiritual power to live in peace, harmony, and love. That is why
families are broken. It happens because women aren’t Christians. I have to
admit that I’m not a true Christian yet but I’d like to be one.
How did
you find yourself in Belarus?
I married a guy from Belarus. I studied in East
Siberian Technology Institute to become an economist. When I was in my first
year, I joined a student construction team and we went to a distant part of the
region to earn some money. My would-be husband was on an expedition trip there.
Buryatia was serviced by Minsk forest construction expedition for some reason.
It was a common practice in the USSR to mix people like that. I think it was
intended as a way to preclude people from getting too fixed on local issues and
to let them see the whole country. My husband was in love with Siberia,
Buryatia, and Russia…
Do you
remember the day when you decided to become a sister of mercy?
We had a church wedding one year after our baptism, in
1999. I began attending talks by Father Andrew Lemeshonok. Praise the Lord! I
could have easily been deceived by the devil during that time of my newfound
faith. I believed I could fly… I recall myself standing at a bus stop and
predicting the next bus. And I would succeed most of the time! Thanks to Father
Andrew, I stopped listening to my intuition and became more down-to-earth.
Meetings with Father Andrew are fantastic!
I attended the Divine Liturgy once a month, and then
more frequently. I would go on pilgrimages. I made Orthodox friends. I remember
Lyudochka, a friend of mine, ask me, “Have you read the prayer rule?” “What do
you mean?” She stared at me in terror, “Don’t you read prayer rules?” She
showed me the prayer book with morning and evening prayers. I turned a couple
of pages and asked in disbelief, “So… do I have to read all those prayers?”
I forced myself to read the prayers until I finally
learned them by heart. Now I have another problem: I get up in the morning and
start jabbering thoughtlessly. I know I have to think about the words that I
utter. No one needs mechanical repetition.
It has been twenty years since my baptism but
Orthodoxy keeps revealing its secrets to me all the time. First, I regarded
myself to be a baby, and then an adolescent. Now I’ve grown up and I have to
judge myself accordingly… Nevertheless, I’m still excited that I am an
Orthodox. Our country’s greatest treasure isn’t oil or gas. It’s the Orthodox
faith.
I worked in the Ministry of Statistics. I was a good
specialist, an reputable expert. Little by little, I was feeling less and less
thrilled by my job. I was more and more isolated from the corporate culture: I
was tired of and uninterested in their parties and retreats.
I summoned up my courage and asked Father Andrew if he
could let me become part of the Sisterhood. He blessed me at first but then
paused and added, “If your husband agrees.”
My husband didn’t agree. Instead of feeling upset, I
decided that I had to pray harder if I wanted to become a sister of mercy. It
is a great God’s mercy to be part of the Sisterhood, after all. I frequented
the Akathist to Grand Princess Elisabeth, kissed her icon, and prayed a lot.
One year later, my husband conceded. The Lord allowed me to become a lay
sister… Grand Princess Elisabeth is the exemplary sister of mercy, and who am
I?
Love…
Currently,
you carry out your duty in the TB clinic. What is your motivation to visit the
sick and risk your own life?
I was ill with tuberculosis myself. I fell ill with
that disease in 2005 for the first time. It was in the TB clinic that I saw how
few sisters there were. Two sisters of mercy had to visit all the patients of
that clinic. Honestly, when I was discharged from the clinic, I was adamant in
my decision never to return there again. And then I had a relapse, and then
another one… That was how I started helping the sisters. When you know the
illness from your personal experience, you have a more committed attitude to
it, and you understand people better. Drugs used to treat tuberculosis are bad
for one’s mental faculty. It’s unbearable. If you take the pill, the only thing
that you can do is lie down helplessly.
What
does your obedience in the clinic consist of?
It mainly consists of helping the patients to prepare
for confession. Sometimes I bring food or other things to the people whom no
one visits… People spend up to six months in the clinic, and it’s hard to
subsist on hospital food. We bring them clothes, too. Most of the time, we
simply talk with them. Of course, I’ve got to be extremely cautious and polite.
People have various experiences. There are former prisoners and homeless among
them. They are battle-scarred and traumatised. What do I know about them,
standing there clad in white… Sometimes I’m seriously shocked to realise how
different my life is…
There was a girl in that clinic. Her father was an
alcoholic and he had started a fire in their house. She fell ill with
tuberculosis due to severe stress. In spite of that, she took communion. Thank
God she recovered at last. I even gave her some money to buy tickets home
because she didn’t have any.
I had to bathe some patients, too. I bathed an old
lady. I cooked pelmeny for her. Her daughter had abandoned her but as soon as
she heard that her mother was entitled to an isolated dwelling, she started to
like her again. Naturally, I cannot judge that daughter.
Are you afraid of talking with new people? Are you
anxious about the impression that people get after they talk with you?
No, I’m not. I used to be afraid of talking with
people when I was young but now I’m not. The Lord acts through me when I do my
duty. It is thanks to him that I can find rapport with other people. People
sometimes turn to the faith while they stay in hospital. They begin attending church after their recovery.
Metamorphoses like those occur most often with the patients who are put in
charge of the chapel.
There is a chapel in honour of Saint Luke
(Voino-Yasenetsky) in the clinic. His wife died of tuberculosis, and he was a
doctor so it’s obvious that you should always pray to him before any surgery,
and everything will be fine. Don’t be afraid. When I fractured my spine, I
prayed to him before the surgery, and it was successful.
Is it
possible to teach oneself to love others?
You’ve got to exert yourself and ask God to spread
your heart. I always ask the Lord to endow me with a merciful heart. It has
happened to me twice after communion: I was standing in church and feeling that
I loved all those people and that they were precious to me without exceptions.
It makes me even more acutely aware of the fact that I’ve never loved anyone
for real, other than with God’s help. Only the Lord can instill genuine love
into one’s heart.
When you go to the clinic, you have to fill your heart
with good thoughts. Those people are in trouble. Seriously. Some of them are
alcoholics. Some of them are former drug addicts. If you pity people, they feel
it and open their hearts to you immediately, especially when they are alone in
their wards. It’s much easier to be open when you’re talking face-to-face.
When you learn about the suffering that they had to
endure, your heart softens, of course. It could have been your son, your
daughter or sister. The only way you can help is by praying for God to make
them believe and lead them into the Church.
Is it
hard work or delight to be a sister of mercy?
It’s both. It’s joyful labour and effortful joy. There
are moments when I can barely make myself go to the clinic but I compel myself
to enjoy my visit, and return home happily. If I don’t feel any changes, it means
that I did something wrong, e.g., found faults with somebody or uttered
something with a shade of irritation, and I’m therefore obliged to confess and
take communion and ask those whom I wronged to forgive me. Generally, I’m so
happy to work in the Convent! Grace is still active in me. I enjoy doing my job
in the clinic and in the warehouse. I go downstairs to the warehouse and see
icons everywhere… That’s our world! That’s the Orthodox state!
Interview
by Maria Kotova
July 14, 2018
St.
Elisabeth Convent
CONVERSATION