By Fr.
Andrew Lemeshonok
If we read memoirs of Father Sophrony about Elder
Silouan where he recounts how that mighty ascetic fought spiritually until he
finally, after several decades of that battle, which is already impenetrable
for us, admitted that he simply couldn’t make God listen to his prayers no
matter how hard he tried (and he tried really hard, he was a powerful man), do
we think that we can do any better? We are lazy. We don’t wage that war.
And yet, every soul wants to live forever. That is why
God allows us to face some troubles. We have to accept those troubles as a
cross to carry till the end. He that endureth to the end shall be saved (Cf.
Matthew 10: 22).
Our life goes on. We are in motion. I would like each
soul not to hesitate and not to leave for an alien land (cf. Luke 15: 13),
where it won’t find anything or anyone good…
Could youmove overa little, please? Yes, you can. See,
there’s some free space for the people who’ve come. That’s so common! One
person occupies the chair, and leaves others standing. That’s exactly how
people act in our rehabilitation centre. That’s what Christianity begins with.
Right? Greatness has humble beginnings.
We are discussing spiritual affairs, and that’s a
great example. We can be boasting, “Look how we take communion and pray all the
time.” However, we don’t even notice people and things around us… Spiritual
life begins with small things. Our prayer begins with short but attentive and
persistent prayer, which must later grow into the prayer for the entire world,
according to Father Sophrony. He that is faithful in that which is least is
faithful also in much (Luke 16: 10).
Recently, we had nuns and schema-nuns together with
their spiritual father as guests. We had a great back and forth, during which
the priest said that devil hides in trivial things. For instance, a momentary
negligence, or a temporary impatience, or a little bit of hurry. Bringing
everything to a conclusion is extremely important. If you set out to do
something, do it until you finish it. For example, I had been doing something
great and worked really hard but then I grew tired of all that and thought to
myself, “Nah, I don’t want to do this anymore. Does it matter if I don’t finish
doing that?” There are people in our rehabilitation centre who have struggled
with their passion for the devil’s water for a year or two. It’s evidently
difficult. But then someone gives the man a glass of liquor and he drinks it,
and that’s that. He loses several years of his streak! He has to start
everything all over again. That is why we need to be vigilant, alert, and
wakeful.
Of course, we have plenty of information available
nowadays. If we read many books (or even if we read just one book), we can
imagine a different world and find an imaginary spiritual life. There are people
in our rehabilitation centre who pose as spiritually advanced already. They
have long prayer ropes and they walk around with them as if they pray all the
time. There comes a lorry with some goods, and they don’t go and help to unload
them. They say, “I was doin’ my prayer!” “Listen, buddy, what prayer? The goods
are heavy, people are exhausted, can’t you see?” “Oh no-no, I am obedient. I
wasn’t blessed to do it.” That is how you can turn everything upside down. On
the face of it, he’s right, he obeys orders. Where’s his soul, though? What
does his conscience do?
There are inconsistencies like those in the Church.
These inconsistencies are human. God is different. For Him, even the least one
can become the greatest one. A postulant can please God more than a schema-monk
if he lives for the sake of others, if he doesn’t think about himself, if he
sacrifices everything, if his life is selfless ministry. When you start to
grasp spiritual connections and spiritual values, then you see an outward
person who can say whatever he wants and fantasise about lots of things, and
then you see his inward self which doesn’t jibe with it completely. We spend
our lives incoherently. We can’t avoid it, sure. Let’s at least own it.
November 8, 2018
St.
Elisabeth Convent
CONVERSATION