By Fr.
Andrew Lemeshonok
I’m a priest,
right? A spiritual father, if you like. To be honest, I’m nobody. I know that
but I also know that there is the devil who sneers at me gleefully, “Aha!
You’re done!” I say, “No, I’ve only just begun. I want to change. I want to be
different. I want to serve God.” I clearly feel during the ensuing battle that
God is near. When I feel despondent and start wailing that everything is bad,
everything is lost, I remain alone in the void, face to face with my sins.
I have to talk
about my own experience, not about something that I’ve read in books. Our life
is the only real book. Everyone has his own book and his own problems that he
has to tackle. God is the one who resolves all problems.
All our problems
have been solved already: Christ is risen, the door to the paradise is wide
open. Sadly, we rely on this world and on the sin that dwells inside our
hearts. We pretend to be soldiers but we don’t know how to fight. It isn’t
because we aren’t educated enough. It’s because we are lazy, idle, and proud.
What can you be proud of, honestly? But you are proud nonetheless. One can be a
beggar and sit on a church porch with a stretched hand and judge everyone. Or
one can drive a Mercedes Benz and not judge anyone. A criminal can find God in
prison and be free. That same criminal can lose God once he gets out of jail
and finds himself in a different setting. That’s abhorrent. When that guy was
in prison, he prayed. It was marvellous. His eyes shone forth the light of
faith. When he got released, worldly temptations tied him up and he lost his
freedom…
The sin mutates so
well! It attempts to attack us from all sides and under all kinds of masks, so
we have to be alert and stay awake at all times. If we aren’t awake, if we lead
a relaxed life, sin will deceive us and the devil will lead us into dead-ends.
Our lack of trust in God and the laziness that leads us to wrong actions over and
over again is the dead-end.
We can correct our
errors because we are still here on earth. We can change our lives. We can
repent. Repentance isn’t just a word. It’s life. Repentance means changing our
lives. It’s proof that we will not sin any longer: “At least, I’ve made up my
mind not to sin. I know I can’t do that on my own, so help me Lord!” If one is
resolute in doing so, he won’t sin, of course. When an individual says, “Well,
I’d like to quit smoking—all residents of our rehabilitation centre want to
quit smoking—but I can’t, you know,” it’s self-deception. You’d better admit,
“I don’t want to stop, at least for now.” It’s honest. People deceive
themselves when they say they can’t. They can do everything. They can do
everything if they really need it and if they ask for God’s help.
November
12, 2018
St. Elisabeth Convent
CONVERSATION