Firstly,
it’s necessary to know and understand that children are not adults. The
worldview of children differs quite strongly from that of adult's. Adults have
already tried and experienced much in this life. Figuratively speaking: many
times they have fallen and many times gotten up. For children life presents
itself in bright colors. The world is enormous and miraculous, and unknown.
Every day and every second children are like Christopher Columbus—sailing to
discover their own America.
And from
another side, children quite strongly differ from adults intellectually,
psychologically, and physically. An adult is experienced, but already with a
mind downtrodden and preoccupied with problems. A child’s mind is much sharper;
he is like a sponge, absorbing information and more quickly processing it.
Adults are sturdier and more patient; children are more impulsive, quicker, and
more emotional, but tire more quickly. So, for example, as teachers of young
students know, the active stage of receptivity during lessons for students
seven-ten years old is no more than fifteen minutes. “To pour” more knowledge
into their light heads is meaningless. They won’t receive it. As a rule,
teachers should then change the activity—from intellectual to physical (for
example, gymnastics). After five-ten minutes of muscular exercises the kids are
ready to learn again.
We must
also know that children and teenagers are different, and what would be
interesting to a five-year-old won’t entice a third-grader, and what would be
interesting to a third-grader won’t be entertaining for an eleventh-grader.
Each age group needs its own special approach in light of the intellectual,
emotional, and hormonal-physiological features of its development.
As always
in a child’s upbringing, so with prayer, Orthodoxy offers to parents and
teachers the method of the “golden mean.” We shouldn’t overly coddle a child,
to indulge his weaknesses and burgeoning passions, but it’s also not worth it
to raise children with excessive strictness and rigidity. It can break down and
he will become embittered and pull back from the studies imposed upon him. This
is how it happened, for example, with Chekhov. His father made little Anton
sing in the church choir, right down to a beating. In the end, Anton Pavlovich developed
a quite complicated relationship with religion. Coercion, whether physical or
mental, never led to any good. We must remember, rather, the main truth of
pedagogy. Children more often absorb not what we’re saying to them, but rather
how we conduct ourselves in life, and they copy our behavior. So we see here a
confirmation of the principle: Faith without works is dead (Jas. 2:26). A child
measures our faith by our works and examines how far they correspond to our
words.
It is
best of all to being the work of prayer with an explanation. We mustn’t impose
upon a child some rigid imperative: “They say you should, and that’s it.” “Read
from here to there, and until you’ve read it all you can’t leave the room”—no.
God does not love coercion. We should explain, guided by the experience of the
Church, the Holy Fathers, and our own lives, why it’s necessary to pray. Who is
the Lord? Why is He unseen? Why does He listen to our prayers? It’s important
to answer a child’s questions, to adapt to his perception of the world,
including in prayer. I teach in Sunday school. Believe me, children have very
many questions regarding the faith, and often quite unexpected and rather
interesting ones.
For
instance, it might be enough to teach preschool children, perhaps, how to
properly make the Sign of the Cross, and explain what is the Sign of the Cross,
or how to kiss icons. Sometimes it’s enough just to take them to church, show
them an icon and say: “It’s God!” From there their personal path to God begins.
And we should accustom our youths to wearing a Cross necklace.
My
priestly experience shows that it’s necessary to bring kids to church more
often that they wouldn’t be afraid of the “strangeness” of the church or the
unconventional appearance (for the modern world) of the priest.
You
should also teach children an abridged form of the prayer rule so as not to
exhaust them, but to, on the contrary, awaken in them an interest in prayer and
attention to the words. It’s good to pray with them to answer all their
questions afterwards.
Thus, for
example, the morning or evening prayer rule for children could consist of a
“cap,” that is, the beginning: from “In the name of the Father and of the Son
and of the Holy Spirit. Amen” up to and including “Our Father.” Then you could
add the prayer to your holy Guardian Angel and the Most Holy Theotokos and the
child’s patron saint, and that’s enough. In this case it’s important that less
is more. Let children read less prayers but with heartfelt attention, rather
than more with straining and vexation. You can increase their prayer rule with
age, not abruptly and all at once, but slowly and gradually. Memorize certain
prayers by heart with your child, like poetry. For example, “Our Father” is the
main prayer of Christianity. You should also explain to your child the meaning
of each line of this great prayer. You can also learn with them some short
prayer to your Guardian Angel, the Most Holy Theotokos, or your Heavenly
patron, or, for example “O Heavenly King” for before and after studying. But
don’t overload the child too much. Today we have special prayer books just for
children.
With an
older son or daughter you can analyze the Symbol of Faith (the Creed) for
Church members, to memorize it. After all, it itself represents a gathering of
the main dogmas (laws) of the Orthodox faith.
You can,
of course, dear brothers and sisters, implement strictness and rigidity in
raising a child, that he might feel your authority. But you must do so with
love without anger or irritation. Generally, it’s best not to begin any
undertaking with anger and malice. Nothing good can come of it. It’s better to
keep quiet, go off to the side, pray, calm down, and maybe even ask
forgiveness, only then beginning your work.
Often a
priest has to hear something like this: “When my child was young he went to
church, but as an adult he stopped.” We must remember that the adolescent and
teenage years are a very difficult time. It’s when their personality and
character is developed, it’s a time of reevaluating authority, a time of sexual
development. And often with all this people must figure themselves out in order
to build their own futures. Here the parents and Grandma and Grandpa can help
with the most important thing—by praying for him and by good advice, but not by
pressure and authoritarianism. Let your teenager work out his own problems, but
also feel that you, his parent, are his good friend to whom he can always turn
for help and advice in difficult times.
Our task
is to pray, be patient, wait and show our children an example of a godly life.
And believe they will at some point return to the Church—return consciously, in
maturity, and forever.
From
personal experience, I, as an example, always preserved in my heart this
recollection: my great grandmother took me to a huge and bright church when I
was three, carried me to the radiant chalice, to the batiushka in golden robes…
I carried this memory with me throughout my entire young life, and it
subsequently helped me to make the right choice. Your sons and daughters will
travel their own particular paths in life, but you know that the foundation
laid in their souls is true. They will fall and make the same mistakes you did
in your youth, but they will be their own. And they will get up to go on. But
upon them, in their inner hearts' horizon, will shine the star of Orthodoxy,
carrying them through life.
Only try
from a young age to instill in them, with God’s help, love for prayer. It is a
journey, and its boat will undoubtedly guide us to God.
By Fr. Andrei Chizhenko
Source: http://orthochristian.com/97078.html
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