The Catalog of Good Deeds

Having just celebrated 54 years of marriage I was drawn to reflect on this blessed sacrament. Elder Aimilianos says marriage is a journey of pain, love as well as a journey to heaven. I can say I have experienced the pain and love in my marriage as the two seem to go hand in hand.

The Elder says:

“It is an adulteration of marriage to think that it is a road to happiness as if it were a denial of the cross. The joy of marriage is for husband and wife to put their shoulders to the wheel and together go forward on the uphill road of life.”

A fruitful marriage requires an understanding of love as well as having a relationship with Spirit. When we participate in the sacrament of marriage our souls are being joined as one. Marriage is a union of two people. Being joined in Spirit we then begin a joint path facing all the trial and tribulations of earthly life. But for this to be a harmonious path and one that allows us to grow spiritually we must have a relationship based on love.

But what is Love? Elder Aimilianos says the following:

The aim of love is for one person to give joy to another person; to voluntarily deprive myself so the other feels at ease, feels secure in his life.

Saint Paul tells us that this requires “bearing patiently with another’s failings” (Eph 4:2). This means that love begins by accepting the other person as they are. This is the first lesson I remember learning in the early days of my marriage of 54 years. After our sexual passions are tamed we begin to see the failings of our spouse and of ourself. If the marriage is to survive we quickly grasp that this spiritual journey of union requires we accept that we are different and have different wants and desires. We each have our passions that must be endured until they are overcome and our self-centeredness is snuffed out. This requires the development of humility and selflessness. I think this requires along with our individual efforts the work of Spirit, a recognition that both partners are made in the image of God along with the acceptance that we are both sinners, unable to fully live the commandments of Christ. Being united in the Church we are aided in this struggle and given help with the sacramental life. Our life together in the Church is important. I was not Orthodx before I was married but thankfully it was expected that I join the church. This has made it possible for us to grow together with a shared faith. This is probably the greatest blessing I have received.

Love involves being kind to one another. But what does this mean? Saint Paul says, “We are kind by forgiving one another” (Eph 4:32). My wife taught me that forgiveness is a daily thing. For her it was important to not let the night pass into a new day without resolving our difference. Saint Paul also teaches this. He says, “do not let the sun go down on your anger” (Eph 4:26). Because of her insistence on this daily reconciliation we never grew far apart. Another thing we learned to do later in life was to pray together each morning and evening. We don’t always agree with each other, but we maintain respect for each other’s needs and a tolerance of our failings.

Respect for each other is an important dimension of love. Paul also says, “Love is expressed by honoring one another - looking to each other’s interests” (Phil 2:4). To do this we must let our spouse have their freedom to do what they want. We have to respect their unique and personal interests. We have to show our delight in their pursuits and achievements.

Further, we must learn to always be kind and to be careful when discussing our spouse’s failings. We must first express ourselves in a way that shows respect and brings joy, communicating an understanding of our respect and caring for them. We cannot know what is hidden deep in their soul, but we can assume that buried there is pain, difficulties and torments. We must therefore be very careful to not unknowingly hurt their soul. If we can first bring a “bright face” and make the other person smile in our discussions then both of our hearts are opened. Then it is possible for the Holy Spirit to work in both our hearts. Our respect and kindness for each other makes us aware of God’s love for us and we receive more freely His grace.

Elder Aimilianos says:

When someone shows you the love of God, kindness, and delicacy of feeling, this is communion with God.

When our hearts are open we see the humanness in each other and then become sensitive to the failings we both have and have compassion. We recognize that neither of us is perfect. From this humility comes kindness, understanding and forgiveness. We can then help each other in our struggle.

Marriage is made beautiful by acknowledging our human condition, having hope and being strengthened by our difficulties. It is a spiritual journey of two people who have been joined in a union by the Holy Spirit. We become one and have the capability of complimenting one another because of our differences and imperfections. As Jesus told us, in marriage “Two will be as one flesh” (Mt 19:5, Mk 10:7). Marriage is a journey of love based on kindness and respect.

Saint Peter also gives us insight about the nature of this union. He reminds us of the innate difference between men and woman. He tells us that men have a different psychology and tend to be more self-centered and more easily tempted to become angry as their ego is challenged. He says women tend to have a gentile and quiet spirit with patience. They are not as easily angered. I am ever thankful that my wife has shown this quality and has the patience to deal with my ego that is so easily hurt. Men and women naturally compliment each other. This is all part of God’s plan for us.

Peter also says the man must show understanding of his wife’s desires, and he must always treat her with respect (1 Peter 3:7). Failing to do so, he risks hurting her deeply without realizing it. I cannot tell the number of times I have learned this lesson. Peter also says that we must have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind” (1 Peter 3:8).

A good marriage involves pain and love. By having respect for each other and having kindness, accepting we are different but united in union, our struggle to perfect this union brings us closer to God. It is a struggle that purifies our heart so we can see God as Jesus tells us. Marriage is a spiritual journey based on love. In this way we learn to live God’s two greatest commandments, to love thy neighbor as oneself and to love God with our whole heart.

Source: http://orthodoxwayoflife.blogspot.com/2018/06/marriage-as-spiritual-journey.html

Einstein once said something wonderful… Do not worry, it is not about physics or chemistry. “The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them”. I believe this statement to be absolutely true. Your mistake now is precisely this: you try to solve your problem only with your thoughts. But look, your own thoughts have brought you into this condition, your thoughts have led you to the destruction of yourself.

You would say: “What should I do? The thoughts I have are only my own, not someone else’s”. However, there is another thought. There is someone else’s mind besides yours: the Mind of Christ. You can do what the Apostle Paul said, “Acquire the Thought and the Mind of Christ”. This refers to another condition. In other words, you ask Christ to enter His atmosphere. This may be achieved in a few hours, in a few days, and even right now if Christ wants to perform a miracle. Right this very minute. Say, “O Christ, give me Your mind”. “We have the mind of Christ”, said the Apostle Paul. One should regard the events that happen around us the same way Christ would regard them: without excessive attachment. Identifying yourself with a problem leads to the loss of hope. Some people have lived with the Mind of Christ. They have succeeded. They have managed to live through deaths, many disappointments, dramatic stories, countless diseases, and various life miseries.

Archimandrite Andrew (Konanos)

Just imagine: you have lost a child, some vital organ of your body, health or anything you can think of. How would you bear it all? However, people have suffered worse. Their secret was that they had acquired the mind of Christ. It is not easy. I am sorry that in difficult moments of your life I am giving you harsh advice acting like a know-it-all.

It is not my purpose. I have gone through difficulties before, the pain from which makes me immobile. Yet now when writing this, speaking to you like during a confession, I am in a good condition, thus I can give you some advice. Indeed if I felt any pain, I would not be able to speak like this. I would not even want to hear anything. Even think. I would be completely immersed in my misfortune.

Reading these lines, you can do something too. After all, you have put up with it for so long listening to me despite your problems and the fact that you are losing hope and you want to cry, we are spending time together now. It is a very good step. It is essential to let someone touch you and open up. Open your mind, open your soul and say, “Maybe, some day, some time, at some point, maybe, right now I will look at my life differently. If I do so, then I will smile, since having looked differently I will say, “Problems may be solved, they really pass. These will too. I must continue to live making efforts”.

From the book “On Certain Difficulties in Marriage”

by Archimandrite Andrew (Konanos)

Source: http://www.pravmir.com/archimandrite-andrew-konanos-we-do-not-think-right-hence-all-the-ills-of-lifetroubles-there-is-a-completely-different-way/

The devil does not possess any power or authority over a person who believes in God and goes to church, goes to Holy Confession and Holy Communion. The devil can only bark like a toothless dog at such a person. However, he has great power over a person who does not believe in God, a person who gave up his rights and gave them to the devil. Such a man can be eaten alive by the devil - in this case he(the devil) has teeth, and he uses them to torture the poor man. In essence, the devil has power over a soul in accordance with the rights that it gives him.

When a person who has led a pious and spiritual life passes away, the ascent of his soul into Heaven is comparable to a racing train. Barking dogs can only run after the train, choking up on their own breath, they try to run ahead, but the train simply continues to pick up speed. On the other hand if a person whose spiritual condition is poor and leaves something to be desired passes away, then his soul ends up in a slow moving train. The train can not go faster because of faulty wheels . This allows the dogs to jump into the open doors of the train cars and bite people.

In the event that the devil has acquired even greater rights over a person, has possessed him, it is important to find the reason for this, so that the devil is deprived of these rights. Otherwise, even the prayers of others will not push the devil away and he will not leave as he continuously delivers new wounds to the person. Priests can try to exorcise that person over and over, but in the end the poor soul becomes even worse, because the devil tortures him with a greater force than before.

A person must repent, confess and finally deprive the devil of those rights that he himself passed over to the evil one. Only after this the devil will leave. Otherwise, the person will suffer greatly. Some can attempt to exorcise the person for days, months, even years, but the devil will continue to torture the long suffering soul and will not leave.

The devil enters into a man who has an impure and stained heart. The devil will not approach someone who is pure in the eyes of God. If the human heart is cleansed of dirt, then the enemy runs away, and Christ returns. The devil is like a pig, who will grunt and leave if it doesnt find the dirt it is looking for. Henceforth just like a pig the devil will not touch a soul that is pure. What did he forget in the hearts of the pure and humble, anyways?

Finally, if we begin to see that our house - the heart - has become a home to the enemy, a hut on chicken legs so to say, then we must immediately destroy it, so that the enemy could leave. After all, if sin lives in man for a long time, the devil naturally acquires greater rights over this person.

– Geronda, and what if a person used to live a wayward life and thereby gave the evil one rights to his soul, but now wants to change, begin to live anew, how does he fight the devil?

– When you return to God you receive power and strength from Him. He give a person enlightenment and comfort which is required at the beginning of the righteous journey. But as soon as a person begins a spiritual struggle, the enemy will not rest and begin a severe assault against him. That's when you need to show some restraint. Otherwise, how will passions be eradicated? How will the “old man” be healed? How will pride go away? And so a person realizes that he, himself, can not do anything. He humbly asks for the mercy of God, and humility comes to him. The same thing happens when a person wants to quit a bad habit. For example, quit smoking, drugs, drunkenness. At first, he feels joy and abandons this habit. Then he sees how others smoke, use drugs or drink, and begins to suffer. If a person overcomes this internal struggle, then it is no longer difficult for him to give up this passion, and turn his back on it. It is important to have a spiritual struggle, a battle, in order to succeed.

From the book “ The Calendar of Mount Athos, 2010” Book 1

Translated by The Catalog of Good Deeds