The Catalog of Good Deeds

Repentance is a difficult journey in the modern world. Our psychologized culture has lost the language and the instinct of repentance. When such language and instinct last existed is itself a significant question.

A large measure of the language of repentance is found in the word repentance itself. It is a Latin cognate (coming into English through the French). Rooted in the Latin word paenetentia, repentance has long held associations with crime and punishment. Our prisons are penitentiaries, though repentance of a true sort is rarely their result. To be given a penance also has had a sense of a punishment given for sins forgiven.

This differs greatly from the original language of the New Testament in which repentance is metanoia, a change in the mind (nous). The word nous, in Eastern Christian tradition, is often used interchangeably with the word heart. Repentance is an inner change of heart. Repentance is not concerned with clearing our legal record but with being changed – ultimately into the likeness of Christ.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me (Psalm 51:10).

The language of repentance is part of a forensic legacy within a segment of Christian history that has marked our culture. To hear Christ say in Scripture, “Repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand,” is often misheard – with the forensic message embedded in our language replacing the language of the heart proclaimed by Christ. Thus the Christian who seeks to follow the gospel (in English) finds that he has to make an effort to re-translate what he hears. This deeper matter of repentance (metanoia) is heard even in the prophets of the Old Testament:

“Now, therefore,” says the Lord,“Turn to Me with all your heart, with fasting, with weeping, and with mourning. So rend your heart, and not your garments;return to the Lord your God, for He is gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness; and He relents from doing harm (Joel 2:12-13).

The inner life of the modern world has largely been surrendered to the practice of psychology. I have no argument with psychology – its goal of mental health is important and the relief offered to many is a great mercy. But psychology has long worked with a variety of “inner roadmaps,” in which one theorist’s guess is as good as another’s. Freud’s theories of the human inner world have provided many of the words and concepts of our modern, inner-life. Ego and complex, obsession and projection, introvert and extrovert, and a host of other such words are the legacy of theorists such as Freud and Jung as well as others. Not all of their maps agree (in fact most don’t). They are imaginary accounts of how the mind works – are drawn out of reflection on actual cases but are still the work of imagination. Other “inner” words have even stranger origins. There are words such as melancholy and unbalanced (and others) that are rooted in medieval theories of the bodily humours. These theories seem laughable to the modern mind – but their language persists.

The fathers of the Church – particularly those who strove the most deeply for repentance (found predominantly in the desert tradition of the ascetics) – borrowed the language of their own day, as well as that of Scripture. Terms from neo-Platonism were borrowed and redefined in accordance with Christian tradition. The result is the language of the canons and the patristic writings. Most of the “road map” that is attached to these words is an experiential map. It is a reflection on how the heart changes in practice that dominates the teaching of the desert fathers and the tradition that flows from their labors. Theory is not driven by a priori assumptions about the constructs of man’s inner life. Thus there is no particular account of the mechanics of the inner life, other than a description given from experience – what works.

But the coherence of this patristic language is found in its common assumption that the human heart (nous) – the core of our being – is capable of change and can indeed be conformed to the image of Christ. Thus the goal of repentance is this very metanoia – a change of heart. There is nothing within modern psychology that reflects this particular concern (although some existential theorists come close).

Modern man is not predisposed to think about a change of heart. We think of psychological wholeness or well-being, but we do not have a language of conformity to Christ. We do speak of “hardness of heart,” but we know very little about how such a heart is changed.

This creates difficulties for us. Our temptation is to translate the language of the Church into concepts with which we are more familiar. Those coming to confession often give evidence of our psychologized world. We not only confess our sins, but we often want to give a small psychological analysis of where our sins came from and a progress report on how we are doing. (I have often thought that this makes a confession sound much like a monologue from Woody Allen, the comedian).

So, how do we repent?

The Scriptures give one of the clearest examples of how we should think about repentance. The encounter of John the Baptist with the crowds who came to and heard his message of repentance contain an interesting exchange:

Then he [John the Baptist] said to the multitudes that came out to be baptized by him, “Brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come? Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance, and do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I say to you that God is able to raise up children to Abraham from these stones. And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.”

So the people asked him, saying, “What shall we do then?”

He answered and said to them, “He who has two tunics, let him give to him who has none; and he who has food, let him do likewise.”

Then tax collectors also came to be baptized, and said to him, “Teacher, what shall we do?”

And he said to them, “Collect no more than what is appointed for you.”

Likewise the soldiers asked him, saying, “And what shall we do?”

So he said to them, “Do not intimidate anyone or accuse falsely, and be content with your wages.” (Luke 3:7-14).

John’s response to the people who came was not to launch them into a world of introspection. The heart changes in the crucible of our actions. Generosity and kindness are begotten of generosity and kindness. If you have enough to share – then share.

I have always been bemused by the great lengths that modern interpreters of Scripture go when trying to account for sayings such as, “Sell what you have, give to the poor and come and follow me.” Or “How hardly shall a rich man enter the kingdom of God.” We are often told that such passages are really about how we feel about our wealth – that our wealth should not be the center of our lives. But if we have and do not share, then “feeling good” about our wealth is just delusion.

The commandments of Christ are not difficult because they are so complex or mystical – they are difficult because they are so clear and we do not want to keep them.

The disciplines traditionally practiced during the season of Great Lent, prayer, fasting, almsgiving, are given to us not in order to generate a season of introspection. They are given to us as a call to a season of action. Prayer is something we do. It is a struggle, but it is an action (Orthodox prayer is particularly marked by action – even physical action). Fasting is an action as well. In our psychologized culture, it is hard for many to understand fasting as having anything to do with repentance. But it is the experience of Scripture and generations of the Church, that the discipline of fasting (abstaining from certain foods and eating less) has a clear effect on the heart – our inner disposition – particularly when that fasting is coupled with prayer and almsgiving. Almsgiving is an action that is all too often ignored in our thoughts about repentance. Charitable giving (in our culture) is even perversely thought by some to be a way of getting more money, such that “give and it will be given unto you” is seen as a success formula. We are indeed a brood of vipers.

Giving is an action. Give money away. Give sacrificially of your time. Give mercy and kindness to others. Forgive the sins of others as if your own forgiveness depended on it (it does). If we would see our hearts change in the direction of the image of Christ – the “roadmap” is not hidden. Pray, fast, be merciful and give.

This is the instinct of repentance. With practice it becomes the habit of the heart. Kindness, practiced consistently over a period of time, by the grace of God results in our becoming kind. To be kind is to be like God (Luke 6:35). Repentance is the path to the kingdom of God. The actions of repentance (under grace) – given to us in the Tradition of the Church – are the means by which such a changed heart will be formed within us.

By Fr. Stephen Freeman

Source: https://blogs.ancientfaith.com/glory2godforallthings/2010/02/16/the-instinct-of-repentance/

Gratitude That God Deserves

There was a man who was immensely thankful to the Lord God because he had been rescued from a life-threatening danger. He asked his friend what he had to do to show his gratitude to God. The friend told him the following story:

There was a man who was in love with a woman and wanted her to marry him. However, she had completely different plans. One day, when they were walking down the street, the woman was almost hit by a car. She survived only thanks to the man who immediately pulled her back to the sidewalk. The woman turned to him and said, “Thanks! I agree to marry you now.”

– What do you think the man was feeling at that moment? – the friend asked.

The man sneered and didn’t answer.

– Guess what, – the friend said, – God may be feeling the same about you now.

Trust God

A man asked a sage:

– Why do I have to obey commandments when I don’t get palpable profit?

– When you are sick, you send for a doctor, don’t you? – the sage replied, – and the doctor prescribes you a medicine. Do you always know why he gives you this or that medicine? You trust the doctor who treats your body, and you take the pill. Why don’t you trust God who heals your soul?

Ye shall diligently keep the commandments of the LORD your God, and his testimonies, and his statutes, which he hath commanded thee. (Deuteronomy 6:17)

Buying Life

There was a businessman who made millions of dollars. He decided that he would finally take a year off work and live in luxury, which he could so easily afford. As soon as he made up his mind, he saw the Angel of Death.

The businessman was adept at bargaining, so he made an attempt to talk the Angel into selling him some time.

– Give me three days and take one third of my wealth.

The Angel of Death refused.

– All right, take two… no, three millions then! Give me just one day to enjoy the beauty of earth and visit my family whom I haven’t seen in ages.

The Angel of Death was adamant.

Then the businessman began begging the Angel to allow him to write a farewell note to his son. The Angel agreed.

“Use time wisely. I couldn’t buy even a single hour of life for all my millions,” the man wrote.

… as thy life was much set by this day in mine eyes, so let my life be much set by in the eyes of the LORD, and let him deliver me out of all tribulation. (1 Samuel 26:24)

An Empty Pouch

A man who wanted to dedicate all his life to serving God and people but had committed many evil actions came to a wise man.

– I’m a loser, – the man sighed. – I’m haunted by misfortunes.

– You’re like a beggar, – the sage said. – You’re trying to please passers-by but your pouch is empty. It makes your actions imperfect. Here is a valuable piece of advice for you: take care of your soul and enrich it with the joy of serving God; collect the rays of His grace in your soul. It’s the only way for you to be useful to other people. The more heavenly riches you collect in your pouch, the more you will be able to spread it in this world.

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also (Matthew 6:19-21)

A Miser

There was a miser who hid a lot of money in a basement wall. He came to that wall every day to keep an eye on his treasure.

One day, some workers were curious about that man’s weird behavior. They spied on him and stole the money.

The miser was extremely depressed. He was sitting and crying at the basement door all day long.

A wise old man walked past the miser. He asked what had happened. When the miser told him about his loss, the wise man handed him a stone and said, “Here is a stone for you. Hide it in the wall and stop crying. You didn’t spend any of your money so there’s no difference between it and the stone, is there?”

But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully. (2 Cor. 9:6)

Melt The Ice

An elder and his disciple were strolling by the river bank in winter.

– Master, why don’t people understand each other? – the disciple asked. – People talk and read books that teach them to get along with each other, but they still run into an invisible wall. Why does it happen? Is it impossible to teach them?

– Come with me, – the elder said and went to the middle of the river. – Look down. Can you see anything?

– No, I can’t. How can I see anything through the ice?

– There is a world that you don’t know of under the ice. If you melt the ice, it will turn into water that gives life to the whole world. However, if you pour water on the ice, it will freeze and make the ice stronger. The ice that you are talking about can only be melted with love.

And I have declared unto them thy name, and will declare it: that the love wherewith thou hast loved me may be in them, and I in them (John 17:26)

Three Masons

There was a magnificent cathedral being built in Central Europe in the XIV century. The supervisor of the construction site was a monk, charged with overseeing all unskilled workers and craftsmen. The monk decided to check the work of stone masons. He picked out three masons and invited them to talk about their work.

He asked the first mason:

– Dear brother, tell me about your job.

The mason stopped to answer the question. His voice was trembling from anger and indignance:

– You see, I sit in front of a stone plate half a meter wide and long. As I hit the stone, I feel how a piece of my life disappears. Can you see my hands? They are worn off and covered with sores. My face is wrinkled and my hair is white. This work will never end. It keeps going day after day. It’s exhausting. Is there an end to it? No! I will die long before the day when the cathedral is built.

The monk went to the second mason:

– Dear brother, – he said, – tell me about your job.

– As you can see, Brother, – the mason responded in a quiet and calm voice, – I sit in front of a one meter wide and one meter high stone plate. As I work my way through the stone, I feel that I create life and the future. See, I have managed to earn a comfortable house for my family, which is much more comfortable than the one I grew up in. My children go to school. Undoubtedly, they will achieve more than I have achieved. It was made possible thanks to my job. I give my skills to the cathedral, and it endowes me with lots of good in return.

The monk came to the third mason:

– Brother, – he said, – tell me about your job.

– You see, brother, – the third mason beamed with joy, - You see, I sit in front of a stone plate one meter high and half a meter wide and long. Every time I hit it with my tools I feel that I cut out my fate. Can you see the amazing traits showing up from the stone? As I sit here, I don’t just put my skills to use, I contribute to the things that I value and believe in. The Universe reflected in this cathedral will pay every one of us back. As I sit here, I am at peace with myself, and I know that even if I don’t see this cathedral finished, it will remain for thousands of years and demonstrate the truth we find inside us. I’m happy to be serving the purpose that the Almighty set for me.

The monk went away and kept thinking about the things he had heard. He fell asleep and had a very peaceful dream. The following day, he renounced his duties of a supervisor and offered his post to the third mason.

Translated from: https://azbyka.ru/days

What is the aim of life (death)? For Orthodox Christians it is salvation and eternal life with God. How are we saved? Paul tells us we are justified in Christ through our faith (Gal 2:16). But what is faith? Faith is our surrender to the truth of the Gospel and TheTradition of His Church. Faith is not some general belief in God, but specifically total acceptance of the life, death and resurrection and teachings of Christ as recorded in the Scriptures. Our Faith implies a way of life following the teachings of Christ. Faith means we accept the Gospel and Epistle writings and do it! It is not enough to be good citizens, we must also have faith - complete and total faith in the Word of God. At the Final Judgment our lives will be examined and we will be saved through the grace of God. The Church provides us with the structure and guidelines to live our faith.

A holy person recently told me that there will be few in this society who will be saved. That should be scary, it made me think. It challenged me to wake up. I found that it was important to recognize that our current day culture is based on as set of assumption or values that differ from our Orthodox Christian faith. An Orthodox Christian stands as a stranger in today’s culture. An Orthodox way of life has a worldview that is quite different from the dominate culture we live in and have been conformed to accept.

What is a world view? To make sense out of all the sensual data we receive at any time, our mind relies on assumptions to simplify all the inputs we receive through our senses. This is how we can make sense of what we experience and act. It is these often hidden assumptions that make up our world view. One person may have the assumption, “If I do good, I will be saved.” Another may assume, “To be saved, I must first have faith and follow the teachings of the Bible as commandments from God and work to perfect myself though repentance and by partaking regularly in the sacraments of the Church to become a holy person and then by God’s grace I can be saved.” This is the Orthodox view. As another example, one may not firmly believe that God created the world and believe that truth is only determined by scientific evidence. Alternatively, the Orthodox assumes without question that God created all we know, provides all we have, He is "Our Father," and that Truth is revealed to us by Him and is made known to us through the Scriptures as interpreted by the Church which is the body of Christ on earth headed by Christ Himself. With just a few differing assumptions we can interpret what is good and bad in quite different ways leading to different actions based on the same reality. It goes without saying that people with differing world views have a difficult time communicating on issues that matter for salvation. Even the idea of salvation may not be in their worldview. How many actually put God at the center of everything they do?

In an Orthodox world view, we accept without question, based on faith, that God is our Creator and Lord. Through the writings of the Evangelists and Apostles we have documented for us the example of God Himself in human flesh, His actions and teachings, showing us the path to salvation.

We must accept that our Orthodox worldview puts us at odds with our current society. As we act out of our Orthodox world view, others will not understand our actions and we will be seen as a bit weird, out of step, not with it, or old fashioned. We can expect to be ridiculed and ignored. And when we try and explain our actions, we should not expect to be understood, because our reasons will not make sense in their worldview. It is only by exposing their underlying assumptions that we can ever hope to explain. We must remember these assumptions are generally hidden. Salvation requires that we have a firm understanding of the basis our Orthodox way of life.

In today’s culture it is generally accepted that truth is relative. Many believe that what is the truth for one person may be different than that of another, and it is accepted that both are equally valid. One thing that is not tolerated in this view is someone who thinks they have the absolute Truth. But, we Orthodox know through faith that there is but one Truth. Therefore we can expect that our worldview will not be welcomed in general, and that others will work to undermine it. We can expect to shunned and persecuted, just as the early Christians were persecuted in the Roman pagan times. Even though we act out of love to our neighbors as we are commanded, we will still be rejected and ridiculed for our practices. Because of this it is important to be careful about who we choose to spend our time with. It is important to follow the practices of our faith, which are there to support us on a path to salvation. We must regularly read Scripture, attend worship services, pray daily and throughout the day, participate regularly in the Sacraments of Confession and Holy Communion and follow the fasting guidelines. These activities are all intended to help us. They are not the end we seek but the means to prepare ourselves to enter the Kingdom of God. It is important for us to constantly work to purify our hearts and to cultivate our inner strength so we can carry out the Boss’s commandment to love others. Christ is there always to help us along the path of salvation, and He has infinite compassion for all of mankind.

Source: http://orthodoxwayoflife.blogspot.com.by/2009/09/is-orthodoxy-bit-weird.html

In Great Lent, a period of intensified prayer, the Church does not forget to pray for its departed children, because the driving force of prayer—love—overcomes all obstacles of time and space, not stopping even before the boundary of eternity, passing between the Church Militant and the Church Triumphant. The following instance that took place at the end of the twentieth century in one Greek diocese is a clear confirmation of this.

The bishop who told this story is still alive. It is genuine and has profound significance, because it speaks of the prayers of the living for the departed. God always hears these prayers, especially during the Divine Liturgy.

In the diocese of this bishop whom we have mentioned, there was a Papa Ioannis serving—a devout priest loved by all. He would somewhat linger during the proskomedia because he commemorated many names. But the priest had a terrible shortcoming: He loved to drink. As diligent as he was in the fulfillment of his priestly duties, so powerless was he before wine. Many implored him to overcome this passion, so unbecoming of a servant of God. The priest himself was aware of it, was furious with himself, and tried to quit drinking several times, although everything would start again within a few days.

Once, when this papouli had again surrendered to his passion, he went to church. Half-drunk, he exclaimed, “Blessed is the Kingdom…” and he began the Divine Liturgy. By God’s allowance, the priest slipped in the altar and dropped the Precious Gifts from his hands. He froze with horror! Dropping to the floor, he began to gather the Body and Blood of Christ with his tongue. He was choked with guilt, because it happened because of his intoxication.

The priest went to the bishop and confessed his terrible sin to him. The next day, the bishop, after much thought, sat down at the table and took a pen: He had to begin the process of defrocking Fr. Ioannis. The bishop’s hand was lingering in indecision when he beheld as if in a vision how thousands of people were coming out of the walls of the room. There was a burning pain in their eyes. Passing by the bishop, they cried out, “No, Vladyka, do not punish this priest! Do not defrock him! Forgive him!”

An endless stream of people passed in front of the bishop: men, women, children, well-dressed and poor—an entire demonstration of souls! And they all stretched out their hands to the bishop and cried out, imploring, “No, Your Grace, don’t do this; don’t expel our papouli! He remembers us and helps us at every Liturgy; he truly takes pity on us; he is our friend! Don’t remove him from his dignity! No, no, no!!!”

The vision continued for a long time. The stunned bishop watched the sea of faces pleading for the drunken priest. He realized that they were the souls of the reposed whom Fr. Ioannis commemorated at the Liturgy. And this commemoration greatly alleviates their lot, like water given to the thirsty in the summer heat. “This is a clear testimony that our prayers assuage the souls of the reposed,” the bishop thought.

He called for the priest.

“Fr. Ioannis, tell me, when you serve the Liturgy, do you commemorate a lot of names at proskomedia?”

“Hundreds of names, Your Grace. I haven’t counted them.”

“Why do you remember so many names and delay the Liturgy?” the bishop asked, as if angry.

“I pity the departed: They have no other help but the prayers of the Church. Therefore, I ask the Most-High to grant them rest. I have a book where I record all the names that are given to me for commemoration. I inherited this practice from my father, who was also a priest.”

“You do well,” the bishop agreed. “Their souls need it. Continue doing this. Just be careful, and don’t drink anymore—not a drop of wine, starting tomorrow! Such is your penance! You are forgiven.”

From that day, Fr. Ioannis was truly freed completely from the passion of drunkenness. And now he stands even longer at the proskomedia, commemorating the names of the departed.

From the book Miracles and Revelations of the Divine Liturgy,

published by Paraclete Monastery (Oropos-Attica), 2012.

Source: http://orthochristian.com/111598.html

It’s going to be the 20th anniversary of our wedding this year! Add to it four more years we had known one another for before marriage. It’s hard to imagine…

I remember how I was impressed by a fairy tale I read when I was a child. It was titled “Old and Happy.” The main character of that story caught a miraculous bird who bought its freedom by promising to make him happy either when he was young or old. His wife advised him to choose to be happy during their old age. The reason she gave was that while they were young they were capable of standing up against all hardships on their own. He followed his wife’s advice. As soon as he did so, their family was beset by all kinds of troubles: war, poverty, and captivity. They were scattered and left all hope to reunite and to lead a happy life ever again. In the end they met each other, got rich, and lived happily together ever after. When I was a child, I was thinking that I would also like my life to be like that.

On the following day after the future Father Sergius and I met in the arts college and took a stroll down the city streets, he had the unusual courage to hand me a note with a self-composed poem. The poem ended with the following words: “Let’s stay together and see how this story ends.” I liked to look out of a certain window in the arts college. I wrote a small note on its jamb. It was a line taken from my favourite song, “A story with unhappy end…” He noticed my answer and wrote back something only we could understand. Over time, we scribbled over the entire jamb (strange though it may sound in this era of mobile phones). They did not erase those inscriptions… Recently, I saw that the old building of the college has been demolished.

During our first 10 years of living together, we quarrelled almost daily and were going to get divorced. It was thanks to Father Sergius’ humility and the prayers of Father Andrew that our family has survived until now. The enemy attacked us from all sides. He tried to destroy our marriage with sinful thoughts and plausible pretexts. Naturally, I was to blame for it. My mother-in-law told me, “I’ve noticed a pattern: the better the husband is, the worse the wife turns out to be!” (I wish I could change over time. Time goes by and I don’t change, and my character is getting worse…) Our relationships changed dramatically when I broke my back and stayed in bed for a month and a half. Father Sergius looked after me and the house. It brought us closer together and helped me to recognise and appreciate my husband’s love. I stumbled upon a book titled Five Languages of Love, which stated that people had various ways of showing love, and if spouses don’t coincide in these ways, they will have a hard time dealing with one another. There was a remarkably straightforward advice on how to find out the language of love that your loved one speaks: Pay attention to what he asks most often, and what he finds most valuable. Father Andrew often says that people can live together for years and still don’t hear each other.

I have often been pestered by thoughts about God’s will and how to recognise it in my own life. I was always dreaming of meeting a holy elder who would predict everything and lay out a plan for my future life, easily propelling me towards the bright future and the perpetual salvation. Real life was different. Even if a holy man would tell me the obvious God’s will, I did not want to follow it. If I encountered any obstacles on that road, I would blame the holy man and not myself. I heard that God’s will can be unmistakably deduced from the circumstances of one’s life. It seems to me (I might be wrong, of course) that one’s own inclinations are also part of such circumstances. I mean, if one does not stick to them obstinately but adds, “Thy will be done.” I remember a guy who graduated from a seminary and went to an elder to ask him which path to choose in life: that of a monk or of a family man? The priest asked him, “What do you want? Don’t you know? You’ve got to make up your own mind first.”

Rather unexpectedly, in 2011 I had a growing certainty that we had to adopt a child, preferably two kids. It took us a couple of years to get ready for it. Finally, this dream came true in 2013. Father Sergius became a priest around the same time. His life became even holier than it had been. When he was a deacon, he would attend one Liturgy every Sunday or a holiday. After his consecration, he started attending three Liturgies every Sunday. If there was a nocturnal Liturgy, he wouldn’t miss it, either. I remember how he told me about an old lady who complained that she couldn’t bring her grandson in for communion because she wanted to be able to pray comfortably. Father Sergius replied:

- You can attend the nocturnal Liturgy, and then bring your grandson to the morning Liturgy for communion.

The parishioner gasped:

- I can’t. It’s beyond my strength.

Father Sergius laughed:

- Why is it possible for me, then?

- You are an extraordinary person.

- No, I am not: I get tired, too.

When Father Sergius comes home after a service, it’s out of the frying-pan right into the fire! The kids and I don’t let him relax.

When Father Sergius became a priest and was required to hear confessions, he discovered the true thoughts of many people. Of course, it is much harder to listen to confessions than to intone “Again and again…” from the ambo. Still, there is something authentic in it. Father Sergius told me that if he were a film director, he would make a film about confession, with voices of the penitents set against the background of amazing liturgical chants. A child, a young girl, a middle-aged man, a senile old man—talking about one and the same thing: their separation from God and how they suffer in exile. It’s tragic and bright at the same time.

Aside from his priestly ministry, Father Sergius has painted up several churches, several iconostases, and continues to be the head of the Icon Painting Studio of St Elisabeth Convent. As far as I’m concerned, services, singing in the choir, working in the Icon Painting Studio, and my ministry as a sister of mercy remains merely nostalgic memories about a long-gone bright period of my life. I have a boarding home right at home and I have to be there round the clock. We adopted our third child, a one-year-old girl, in the summer of 2017. I have written a lot about adoption. I’ve tried to be as candid and honest as possible. On the one hand, adoption is great but on the other hand, there are lots of difficulties that we’ve had to deal with.

I recall how I met a friend who is also an icon painter. She had just given birth to her fourth child. They lived in a small flat. I was sympathetic with her and asked, “Do you find it hard to live like that?” Pushing the pram, she replied plainly but with dignity, “I believe that if a Christian tries to live bona fide, she cannot have it easy.”

I look back and see that some of my friends and acquaintances pass away, some leave the Convent, and some come to the Convent. Some people live their lives happily, their hopes come true, while others have a never-ending trail of misfortunes.

What will happen next?

Somehow, it seems to me that in any case a human life is a “story without a happy end.”

When I recall the fairy tale about happiness in the final years of one’s life, I think whether a happy end might foreshadow the eternity?

By Matushka Larisa Nezhbort

March 12, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

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