There was a young
man who asked God to teach him to love the whole world impartially, without
seeking his own profit. He wanted to feel selfless love. He wanted to love
strange and complex people with all his soul and all his heart.
Years went by, and
that same person, aged 45, visited Tinos Island, stood in front of an icon of
the Theotokos and wept, complaining about his wife, “My God, why did you sent
her to me? Why is this person always with me, and why is our family life so
hard? We don’t love one another. We keep quarreling and fighting. We hurt one
another. We’ve been on the verge of divorce many times. My Lord Jesus Christ,
I’m in trouble. Why does it happen? I can’t find any explanation. Why did God
sent all this to me?” The Most Holy Mother of God tried to give that man the
answer during that prayer. She reminded the man that at 20, he was praying to
have a family, saying to God, “Help me, O God, to love selflessly. Teach me to
love properly.” Years were flying by. The young man hit 30, then 35. He got
married. He ran into some problems and difficulties. At first, he thought that
they were accidental but when he remembered those past events and connected the
dots, he was convinced that they are not a punishment or an accident but the
answer to his earlier prayer. You see?
Everything that
happens to us is the result of our own requests. We need it. Of course, it is
helpful. It teaches us to love, to humble ourselves, and to further our
knowledge of God. You might object, “Isn’t there a different way to achieve
that? When praying, I didn’t ask for it. Naturally, I wanted to know how to
love but I didn’t know that suffering and pain will ensue. I wasn’t asking for
trouble. Why so much pain? Isn’t there a different way?” I believe that there is
no other way. That’s what life is about. Kazandzakis asked a holy hermit on Mt.
Athos, “Is there a different way—a simpler and more comfortable one?” The
hermit, whose name was Makarios, replied, “There is only one way, my dear, and
it is called the uphill road. It is painful and you’ve got to shed your blood
to get there.” When you climb a mountain, your knees ache and your heart is
tired of pumping increased volumes of blood. However, there isn’t another way
to get to the mountaintop and to see the rising sun. There is no other way to
achieve the salvation of your soul.
That is how one’s
soul gets saved. That is how its beauty is preserved and multiplied. That is
how it starts to blossom. Flowers bloom thanks to the scorching heat of the
sun, thanks to the painful raindrops that hit their leaves, and thanks to the
snow that freezes them. That is how nature works. That’s how this world works.
That’s how God works. You can get saved only by overcoming sorrows and pain.
Fragment of a book
by the Archimandrite Andrew (Konanos)
titled "Marriage
and Its Problems…"
Translated by the Catalog of Good Deeds
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