By Father Andrew Lemeshonok
Repentance
– is a certain grace, it is God’s love, which engulf a person’s heart. And the
heart lives through this love and responds with its own love. The beginning of
every sin – is deviation of our ancestors from God, which occurred in Heaven.
Yet the first person who enters Heaven is a criminal, who is dying on the
cross, who is suffering, a man who saw God next to him. As long as the Devine
Liturgy is still served and God calls upon us to join Him in The Kingdom of
Heaven, while the Church is alive, repentance will continue to occur. This
mystery, this internal life of a person, which cannot be seen by the naked eye,
gives a person spiritual strength and a new birth.
A person
cannot be born without agony, suffering and repentance. But everyone has their
own potential, their own abilities, their own limits. For example, for someone
abstaining from fish during lent can be a true accomplishment. Perhaps we could
not even imagine the struggle and suffering that this person might be going
through to accomplish this small Lenten feat.
At our
rehabilitation center for men I often say: “Everyone need to have repentance
inside them. You didn’t just come here to find shelter, a roof over your head,
but your main goal is to repent”. I see
a person who did not do anything his entire life, lived by feeding his desires
and then he takes a shovel and starts to dig. For 20 years he did not pick up
anything heavier than a shot glass but here, he is shoveling manure… Maybe this
is his level of repentance, and we do not even see it…
St. Mary
of Egypt did not become a saint simply because she worked and struggled. She
became a saint through God’s grace and love. I think that even when she walked
on water and God’s grace had engulfed her to a visible extent, the repentance
in her did not diminish, in fact, it only grew. When a person gets closer to
God, feels God’s grace and actually lives it, then his sins are seen in a
different light, one that is more agonizing and frightful.
Saints
never called themselves saints, but referred to themselves as the last sinners
on earth who are not worthy of anything and can only cry over their sins.
Before
his repose to the Lord, Saint Sisoi the Great was tempted by demons with the
following words: “You already repented, you’re already saved”. But he
responded, “I have not even began to repent”. This is the true measure of
realizing one's weaknesses and faults before God.
A person
needs to constantly feel his dependence on God and our falsehood before God.
Only the acceptance on God’s mercy and love and help a person develop
spiritually. The is no limit to repentance on this earth. Not one person can
say that he has fully and completely repented. God of course gives us time to
work on ourselves, to right our wrongs, to change our life and to return to our
Creator. Repent for the Kingdom of Heaven is near. (Matthew 4:17)
April 3, 2017
St. Elisabeth Convent
CONVERSATION