The
problem of divorce is a very delicate question as it often touches on a painful
human reality.
The
tradition of the Church of the first centuries — which continues to have
authority for the Orthodox Church — put the emphasis very strongly on two
related points:
1) the “uniqueness” of the authentic Christian
marriage,
2) the permanence of married conjugal life.
We may
recall here the analogy that Paul makes between the unity of Christ and his
Church and that of the bride and bridegroom. This analogy that is as it were at
the root of the mystery assumes the real and continuing unity of the married
couple, which therefore totally excludes a simultaneous polygamy and views one
single marriage as the ideal.
Divorce
does not heal the diseased marriage but kills it. It is not a positive action
or intervention. It is about dissolving the “mini-Church” that has been formed
through the marriage relationship. The Holy Scripture attributes divorce to the
callousness of man. This is seen as a fall and sin. And yet the Orthodox Church
can however permit divorce and remarriage on the grounds of interpretation of
what the Lord says in Matt. 19:9: “I tell you that anyone who divorces his
wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits
adultery.” According to Bishop Kallistos Ware divorce is an action of
“economia” and “expression of compassion” of the Church toward sinful man.
“Since Christ, according to the Matthaean account, allowed an exception to His
general ruling about the indissolubility of marriage, the Orthodox Church also
is willing to allow an exception”.
A
question we can ask ourselves is whether Christ considered marriage as being
indissoluble? We need to be very clear in this as when Christ teaches that
marriage may not be dissolved that does not mean that He is stating that it
cannot occur. The completeness of the marriage relationship can be tainted by
erroneous behaviour. In other words, it is the offence that breaks the bond.
The divorce is ultimately a result of this break. This is also the teaching of
the Eastern Church fathers. A quotation from the testimony of Cyril of
Alexandria will be sufficient to make our point here: “It is not the letters of
divorce that dissolve the marriage in relation God but the errant behaviour”.
The
violation of a marriage relationship is divided into two groups:
1) those resulting from adultery (unfaithfulness
and immoral behaviour)
2) those proceeding from the absence of one of
the partners (this absence must however have certain distinctives).
The
Church recognizes that there are cases in which marriage life has no content or
may even lead to loss of the soul. The Holy John Chrysostom says in this regard
that: “better to break the covenant than to lose one’s soul”. Nevertheless, the
Orthodox Church sees divorce as a tragedy due to human weakness and sin.
REMARRIAGE
Despite
the fact that the Church condemns sin, she also desires to be an aid to those
who suffer and for whom she may allow a second marriage. This is certainly the
case when the marriage has ceased to be a reality. A possible second marriage
is therefore only permitted because of “human weakness”. As the apostle Paul
says concerning the unmarried and widows: “If they can not control themselves,
they should marry” (1 Cor. 7, 9). It is permitted as a pastoral concession in
the context of “economia,” to the human weakness and the corrupt world in which
we live.
There is
in other words a close relationship in every dimension between divorce and the
possibility of remarriage. It is important here to explain a fundamental
element of the Orthodox Church’s doctrine, namely that the dissolving of a
marriage relationship does not ipso facto grant the right to enter into another
marriage. As we look back to the time of the primitive Church, the Church of
the first centuries, then we will have to agree that the Church did not have
any juridical authority with regard to marriage, and did not therefore, make
any statement concerning their validity. The Holy Basil the Great, for example,
referred not to a rule but to usage, as far as this problem was concerned.
Speaking concerning the man who had been cheated by his wife, he declares that
the man is “pardonable” (to be excused) should he remarry. It is good to
remember that the Orthodox Church has in general always had a sense of
reluctance regarding second marriages. It would subsequently be completely
wrong to assert that orthodox Christians may marry two or three times.
Orthodox
canon law can permit a second and even a third marriage “in economia”, but
strictly forbids a fourth. In theory divorce is only recognized in the case of
adultery, but in practise is also recognised in light of other reasons. There
is a list of causes of divorce acceptable to the Orthodox Church. In practise
the bishops sometimes apply “economia” in a liberal way. By the way, divorce
and remarriage are only permitted in the context of “economia”, that is, out of
pastoral care, out of understanding for weakness. A second or third marriage
will always be a deviation from the “ideal and unique marriage”, but often a
fresh opportunity to correct a mistake”.
ECONOMIA
The
question arises here, what is this “economia” exactly? In a theological,
scholarly contribution, the present Ecumenical Patriarch Bartholomeos, while
still the Metropolitan of Philadelphia, explained in a clear and concise way
what “economia” is. He suggests that it is generally accepted that the
ecclesiastical economia is an image of the divine economia and love and
kindness. That the economia is as old as the Church itself is evident from a
reading of the New Testament. This is very clear for example in Acts 16, 3 “so
he circumcised him because of the Jews who lived in that area, for they all
knew that his father was a Greek”. However the economia in the Orthodox Church
has never been systematically or officially defined. “It concerns a
characteristic, a true privilege and precious treasure of the Church”. In the
pan orthodox meetings of the 20th Century there have been attempts to give a
definition to economia, but in the end this has been abandoned, “because
economia is something that is rather experienced than described and defined…in
the Orthodox Church, in which it is a characteristic and ancient
privilege".
But now
the question remains, what is “economia”? Well, according to the canon law of
the Orthodox Church economia is “the suspension of the absolute and strict
applications of canon and church regulations in the governing and the life of
the Church, without subsequently compromising the dogmatic limitations. The
application of economia only takes place through the official church
authorities and is only applicable for a particular case.” This is allowed for
exceptional and severe reasons, but creates no precedent. The Church, which
continues to extend Christ’s redeeming work in the world, has on the basis of
the Lord’s commandments, and of the apostles, determined a number of canons.
Through these the Church helps the believers to come to salvation. But it
should be noticed that these rules are not applied on a juridical basis, for
the Church always holds in mind what the Lord Himself has said: “The Sabbath is
made for man, and not man for the Sabbath” (Mark 2, 27).
Economia
is based on Christ’s command to his apostles: “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you
forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven” (John 20, 22-23). This is the case
when the human marriage experience becomes impossible, due to the spiritual
death of love. It is then that the Church – as the Body of Christ – with
understanding and compassion and out of personal concern, can apply the
“economia” “by accepting the divorce and not rejecting the sinful humanly weak
believers, or depriving them from God’s mercy and further grace.” It is the
precise goal of economia that the weak person not be irrevocably banned from
the church communion, according to Christ’s example, who came, after all, to
save the lost.
PASTORAL COUNSELING
Before
the church authorities acknowledge the divorce in the context of economia,
pastoral counselling should be given in each and every case, through which
attempt is made to reconcile the married partners. Only when this is no longer
possible should permission for remarriage be referred to, provided a form of
penance can be imposed, in light of each individual case. In this way the
Orthodox Church should take a clear point of view regarding this problem, and
priests should be more motivated to take a greater role regarding explanation,
counselling and psychological healing.
a. Preparation for marriage
In his
book “Marriage: an orthodox perspective” Father John Meyendorff points out the
danger of enforced marriages, where the couple themselves have no desire for a
positive commitment. It may have been desired as a social happening or
whatever. This, and many others, are problems that the priest needs to discuss
when he meets the couple to help them prepare for their marriage. He has the
responsibility of helping them to understand the meaning and significance of
Christian marriage. This meeting may by no means be, or seem to be, an
exclusively administrative matter, in which many documents are collected
together with the intention of ascertaining the approval of the bishop for the
marriage celebration. He also must be on the alert to ensure that no marriages
are consecrated where the married couple does not accept its true significance.
This is a problem that one frequently encounters with mixed marriages. Strictly
speaking, the responsibility for the preparation of marriage lies not only with
the priest, but also with the teachers, the parents, and certainly, first and
foremost, with the young engaged couple themselves.
For
marriage to live, and possibly also to survive, there is need of spiritual
life. This spirituality is experienced firstly in the school of the Church itself,
where we can participate par excellence in the gifts of grace of the Holy
Spirit in the celebration of the sacraments. It is by the way in one of these
sacraments, that man and wife become one, or “house-Church”, through the grace
of the Holy Spirit. “In the ecclesiological and spiritual perspective which we
just referred to, marriage enters into a dynamic action”. The path taken is
determined in particular by the married couple themselves, any yet they find
themselves in a world “of surprises and miracles”. The path becomes narrower
and narrower as it is walked side-by-side, with 2 or 3 children following
behind. The path of orthodox spiritual life is “a path of liturgy, mystique, asceticism,
and eschatology”. It is the life of and in the Church and this life gives to
the married couple and the whole family, another dimension, and another
approach to life and to the problems one has to face.
It is
very important that the Church provides the correct reflection of everything
related to marriage and the family, and their value from the perspective of
faith, especially to the youth and future bridal couples and their parents.
There are for example, in many diocese of the Orthodox Church in Greece,
“schools for parents”, where attention is given specifically to the preparation
of their children for marriage. This is also possible through a lecture on this
subject.
b. What is the best way to respond to those
who are living together and are not yet married?
c. Pastoral approach to the problem of
divorce
The
church community needs to be vigilant and give sufficient attention to married
couples and families that have been affected and disabled by divorce. The
married partner who has been abandoned by the other partner finds themself
subsequently in a situation of discouragement and loneliness. The fate of the
children is often much worse. From pastoral experience we know that the social
and psychological assistance is insufficient. They especially need
strengthening through a “spiritual and pastoral” approach, which will hopefully
again give meaning and significance to their lives.
The
Church, as community, can continue to involve them in the liturgical
gatherings. It is clear that a discrete commission of love is reserved for
every Christian towards those who are divorced. This too is consistent with
what the Holy John Chrysostom has called “the sacrament of the brother”. One
must certainly avoid judging or condemning one’s brother or sister.
CONCLUSION
Concerning
on the other hand the orthodox perspective on the subtle problem area of
divorce and possible remarriage, one needs to say that this is steeped in
wisdom. It confirms the primary value of the steadfast and unique Christian
marriage, which does not mean that this steadfastness should be seen, in all of
life’s circumstances, as the downright irrevocable preservation of a juridical
affirmation. The Orthodox Church does not want to shut the door of mercy
inexorably, but holds still, to the teaching of the New Testament.
If you missed the first part of the article you can read it here:
CONVERSATION