There is no single choice in our secular life that has
more of an impact on our lives that the selection of a spouse. Such a choice in
intimately tied with the way will live, our job, our family life, our diet, our
entertainment, and ultimately to our happiness. It is also perhaps the most
critical factor in our spiritual life. The scriptures teach us that husband and
wife are one flesh, and as such, the unity of our marriage and the practice of
our faith become deeply connected.
The parable of the shrewd servant in the Gospel
reminds us that as Christians, we often fail to take seriously the really
important questions in life. The Lord praises the unscrupulous servant in the
parable, for despite the fact that he is thoroughly dishonest, he is shrewd
enough to understand that which is important to his life in the long term.
As Orthodox people, we should be at least as serious
as the servant in the parable when it comes to the critical question of selecting
a spouse. The Orthodox faith presents us with two alternative paths for our
life: life in the community of a married family, or life in the community of a
monastery. Unlike the modern thought, there is no Christian concept of single
life. Why would this be? Simply put, single life is too difficult, too
tempting, too lacking in the corrective influences that life in some type of
community (either married or monastic) will bring. Even monks and nuns are not
given a blessing to be a hermit until they have attained a profound state of
holiness, which most never attain. Our life together provides the ideal
classroom for gaining our salvation, with the help of other people.
1) Pray. This would seem
to go without saying, although it is surprising how many people forget to ask
God to provide them a spouse. When we pray, we ask God to set us on the right
path; this has the added benefit of helping us to avoid the wrong paths, saving
us from countless mistakes and heartaches. We should similarly ask the prayers
of other faithful, monastics, and the saints (especially Saint Xenia of St.
Petersburg) in our search.
2) Go where the Orthodox people are. This is a principle we seem to understand
when we shop for shoes, burgers, and pet food, yet it is amazing how quickly we
forget it when looking for a spouse. The signals from the media are so strong
in this regard, that there is a widespread assumption that an Orthodox spouse
might somehow be found in a bar, or at a university pub night, or in a co-ed
dorm at school. It is far more likely that we would find someone who shares our
faith, our goals, and our outlook on life - in short, the entire purpose of our
existence - on a pilgrimage, at church, at a retreat or monastery visit, or visiting
other parishes. A priest I know once said that the best reason we could have
Orthodox youth retreats and camps is to allow Orthodox young people to meet,
start to like each other, and get married. Was he crazy, or right on the money?
3)
Cultivate Orthodox friendships. Whether or not a friendship with another
Orthodox person leads to marriage or to an introduction to a future spouse, it
provides a long-term reality check on our behaviour and expectations. The world
fills us with all sorts of illusions about "love" (i.e. lust,
promiscuous sex, romanticism); Orthodox friendships provide a counterbalance to
this delusion. Saint Anthony the Great of Egypt said that a time will come when
the world will be so insane that people will see a man in his right mind, and
call him the insane one. Orthodox Christians in isolation sometimes feel that
way, and it can be tempting to despair, to cave in (even when we know it won't
make us happy), or to fall into spiritual delusion. Going out for a cup of coffee
with a faithful friend or two can make a world of difference in this regard.
These approaches also apply in modified ways to those who are married to non-Orthodox people: the need for our prayers, our pilgrimage, and the Holy Mysteries. But that's another article...
Source: http://www.asna.ca/articles/200609-04.html
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