The Catalog of Good Deeds

Greetings to everyone who have come to the God's church this morning because our souls are looking for the life that the temporary world cannot give. Our souls look forward to enjoying the food that they deprived themselves of when they lost their connection to God.

The connection to God means trusting Him and struggling with the sin that has pervaded our lives, our flesh and our souls. It means the death of the old man that continues to live today, nurtured with knowledge, laws and false truths of this world, which are temporary. For instance, some people are childless. Some people kill their children because they do not want to have them, some people make their human plans because they want to live for their own sake (isn't it strange to live for one’s own sake?) but there are people who are childless although they want children and pray to God for them. Doctors cannot help such people, and nothing can help them, in fact.

Zechariah and Elisabeth could not have a baby according to the laws of nature. However, everything is possible with God. That was how this old couple who were thought to be incapable of childbirth finally gave birth to a baby who was destined to become the greatest of all who were born of women.

Nevertheless, we do not believe it... It happened long ago, it was a different time. What is the present time like? It is the same! This is a general rule: we only make a single step towards God when suddenly a wind blows and we digress from the right path. As soon as we encounter hardships, we say, “Oh, we cannot do anything! Help, save us, O Lord, we are dying!” The Lord continues to hold and protect us in spite of the fact that we try to break loose.

We read in Gospel episode that the fishermen worked all night and did not catch anything. The Lord said to them, “Cast your nets over there...” And they caught a lot of fish. That is how it happens in our lives as well: we are doing something and cannot succeed because everything fails. How important it is for us to seek for God's blessing, to keep an eye on God's Providence and trust the Lord, and to do what we ought to do in reality in order not to lose connection to God, not to sin.

Our entire life is something like a choice between the old and the new, the transient and the eternal. This choice is hard to make because we are weak, vulnerable, and proud, so each word we hear might offend and hurt us. The circumstances that interfere with our plans may make us depressed and indifferent towards what we do. It is vital for us to be guided by God's will and the goal that every Christian has – to be saved.

Do not be depressed, my dear brothers and sisters! Even though today we are paralyzed by sin and are about to lose the entire battle, if we manage to preserve our Orthodox faith according to the words of the Holy Fathers, our predecessors, if we do not turn our backs to God and do not reject Him, this will make up for the ascetic lifestyles we are unable to lead nowadays. It is not that we cannot sleep on a nail mat (many people can), not that we cannot walk on hot ashes (pagans can). We realize that pride dwells inside our hearts, and if anyone does anything without humility, it is deadly for him. He is infected with pride and may perish forever.

That is why we work as hard as we can, beginning with a small prayer, and finishing with the prayer for the whole world, as Fr. Sophrony (Sakharov) said. We begin with a little of self-control: I will not eat this and that during fasts because the Holy Church tells me so. This small victory may grow into a big one because he that is faithful in that which is least is faithful also in much (Luke, 16:10).

On the other hand, the life of the Church and a Christian may become bleak, with no room for heroism of renouncing one's self, one's ego, one's old man, for the sake of love of God. Each one of us faces this inevitable need to overcome sin. Of course, we do not triumph over sin but if an individual makes efforts, there comes the divine grace, which always heals that which is infirm and completes that which is lacking...

Therefore, do not be depressed but go, crawl, to God's church instead, in order to touch holiness and to breathe in the air of the church. This air is so clean; there is nothing like this air neither in the mountains, nor in the woods, nor by the seas. Everything in the church is filled with God's grace. Listen to every word, and if this word makes way to your hearts, they will be filled with grace. Struggle for your mind, for your heart, for being attentive to your emotions and thoughts, for it is so easy to lose, to ruin, and to spoil everything! We can see with our own eyes how man gives in to the sin, how he exchanges God's grace for the joys and entertainment of this transient world.

However, if there is no God in our lives, if there is no hope for the resurrection and the life of the age to come, our life is absolutely meaningless and futile. This is absurd.

Let us thank God today for giving us the chance to enter His house and to participate in the Divine Liturgy. Some of us have partaken of the eternal life, regardless of his or her unworthiness and unpreparedness. The Lord feeds us with a spoon like babies so that we could grow and develop, so that we could say no to the sin, so that we could live for the sake of our neighbors, not for our own sake. This is when God's power is made manifest in weakness (2 Cor., 12:9). May the Lord help us and protect everybody.

Father Andrew

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My parents came from Kuban. My father was killed in the wartime, and my mother moved to Transcarpathia, where I was born. Our house stood near the church in honour of the Nativity of Mother of God, at a distance of about four hundred metres. The priest who served there had two children, a boy of my age, and a girl a bit older. So I spent almost all my time in the church. The time was very hard, and the priest had something to eat. We spent nights in the church as wards.

Soon persecutions began. A man who had been an officer of the White Army hid a lot of spiritual books from the Cheka officers under the ground of his house. Such books could hardly be found even in the church. We copied these books into our exercise books secretly. Once, when I was very tired, I took this exercise book in school by mistake. When my teacher saw this exercise book, she took it away from me and sent for the district militia officer. They took me directly from the school and sent me to Saratov oblast into an orphanage. I was ten at that time.

What I experienced in the orphanage cannot be expressed in plain language. It was the time of war and hunger. When they took us to the city, kind people gave us something to wear. Some boys smoked. I was always asked about my parents, whether they were believers or not, although they could read it in my biographical particulars. When there was somebody from a Christian family, life was very difficult for him, he was beaten even by counselors. Thus I had everything beaten out of me in a couple of years; I was scared to death to say that I believe in God. During my last year in the orphanage, when I only had to stay there for half more year, my mother died. We heard then that orphans can enter military institutions. I was one of them.

The school taught students who were to serve the nation beyond its borders. I graduated from this school, had practise at the state border, and then I found myself in special missions military unit. My life went astray after that: Serbia, Bulgaria, five years in Angola. So I completely stopped going to church.

When I was wounded for the first time, I recalled my childhood and our church. I had not prayed throughout all those years, I had forgotten about God. But here I remembered that when I was a young boy during the war, a bullet went one centimetre close to my head and did not hurt me. My mum then said that I was saved by Mother of God.

After I was wounded, I started looking for any literature. At that time there were few churches, one priest for five or six villages. However, some people helped me. I met an old woman who brought me some books and two small icons of the Saviour and of Mother of God of Kazan. This old woman told me that she knew Marshal Zhukov very well. She said that he also had the icon of Mother of God of Kazan in his car, although he was a Marshal!

Finally, I returned to the Soviet Union. I visited some churches in Ukraine, spent some time in Lithuania, and eventually settled in Pskov oblast, where I was in charge of a huge farm. Everything was fine but suddenly an accident changed all my life. I had to leave my house and go to the place where nobody knew me. That was how the Lord brought me to Pskov-Caves monastery.

I stayed in the monastery for more than ten years. At first it was difficult to get rid of my past. First, I had served in the army in the past. Second, I missed the large farm where I had worked because there were about one hundred bulls, eighty pigs, a mill, tractors, and everything worked very well. I had to lose it at a glance. Later I somehow reconciled myself with this fact. Besides, Fr. John (Krestiankin) helped me a lot. He allowed me to come to him anytime to talk. So when I had problems, I went to him. We prayed with him and talked, he anointed me with oil and everything became fine at once.

I decently tried to work diligently; I quickly got accustomed to the life of the monastery. I worked in the fields on a tractor and guarded the holy monastery. Later, because I knew foreign languages, I was told to serve as a guide for tourists. The Lord strengthened me, it was easy for me to pray, I could sit in church nights away.

In 1993, I had terrible aches in the throat. I could not understand what was going on with me. So I went to doctors. They said I was contused, and they could not do anything for me. I suffered like this for half a year. No medicine could help me. It was impossible to endure pain, so I began to cry at nights, and I even had thoughts about suicide. All of a sudden, the doctor of our monastery called me. She inspected me carefully and said, “Here is your referral for treatment. Go to Pskov immediately.” There they dragged me through hospitals, when at last, a young doctor said, “You are ill with cancer, but do not be in despair.” He helped me to get into an oncology clinic, where I stayed for six years. They would let me go the monastery for a couple of days, and then they would take me into the hospital again. Finally, I lost fifteen kgs and was carried in a stretcher. The doctors were sincere about my diagnosis. My brothers in the monastery even made a coffin for me. I saw it in my dream, and I did not like it.

It was Christmas eve. The ward assistants brought me to the ward and lay me onto my bed. There happened an event I will never forget. It was not that I fell asleep, but I could dimly see St. Michael Church in Pskov monastery. Light showed in the left choir (where I had never been). Mother of God, clad in red, went out and knelt. I cannot explain what it was but I could walk again in a couple of days. I still live because of Mother of God. God’s Providence led me to Belarus, into St. Elisabeth Convent. Belarus is dear to me because it was in Minsk, in Novinki, that my older brother died. Now I search for the place of his burial. I would like to consecrate this land, and build a chapel.

That is how I live and work. May the Lord help me to serve Him, His Church and people as much as I can.

A Story from 2009 by Monk Pavel

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People are tied to the earth. They depend on the inevitable changes that occur there. It is difficult for a person who lives in this world in accordance with temporary laws to become free from sin. Sin kills the soul, breaks up its connection with God and makes people dead. This is why people are seeking for God.

Faced with earthly cares, vanity, competition‌ (that comes both from the outside and from the inside), people ache and suffer, and they cannot find the permanent place designated for God. The Lord says that He does not have a place to lay His head. God, the Creator of the Earth, does not have a place in this world. The world sends God to the Cross because it does not accept His love.

There are souls that made up their minds to follow God to the end, without compromises, without falsehood, and without illusions. These people decided to exchange all the riches of the world, everything that the world can give for the inner freedom of being with God and not depending on this world.

Of course, this is not a formal decision but an earnest drive to reach the Heavenly Kingdom, a desire to preserve the grace and not to lose love towards God in one's heart. Earthly cares are devastating for one's soul. When people rely only on themselves, on their egos, on their fallen reason and wicked desires in building their lives as they deem fit, they cannot see God and their neighbor. Monasticism is a way of life where everything is subjected to the will of God and renunciation of sin. It is a passage from the earthly kingdom into the Heavenly Kingdom; it is the resurrection of one's soul. But it does not come easily and quickly.

An individual who is totally subdued by sin, has to humble himself down, see his wretchedness and the beauty of his neighbor, and get to know God's love. This should happen not only when one feels calm and content but also when life is tough and he has to suffer. Monasticism means a permanent struggle and renunciation of one's ego. There was a Father who, when asked about monasticism, took a skufia off his head, threw it on the ground and trampled it underfoot — that’s what a monk must be like, he said. A monastic is a person who has forgotten himself; he lives not on the earth but in the Heaven already.

Things that are high in this world are an abomination before God: this is why the world does not see the value of monastic life; it sheds tears for those who have put on the black robes and turned down all its advantages and comfort; the world mourns those who live not for their own sake, but instead crucify their egos, their passions and lust. The aim of monasticism is love towards God and one’s neighbour; a monastic strives for acquiring love in his heart. When a person rejects his own ego and becomes a novice, when he begins to obey without trusting himself, it is then that he steps onto the road that leads to the Jerusalem on high: the painful and harsh road it is indeed, for one who has to struggle with oneself. But it is also full of joy, for the Lord is near and He always comforts those who follow Him.

The world has no time to pray and to think about the eternity. A monastic has to fill in what is missing by praying for the entire world, by looking for God’s glory in everything, and by finding the beauty of the love of Christ in each person. The Lord says, Learn of me, because I am meek, and humble of heart (Matthew 11:29). People who come to God and devote their entire lives to serving God, they unite into one family called a monastery to build their relationships that go beyond the earthly laws while being here on this earth. They are looking for the love of Christ, who is in our midst.

Jesus Christ is the center to which these souls are drawn through repentance, self-restraint, and humility before each other. A person who does not seek her own, who puts herself into God’s hands, who does her best to thank God for everything, never gets depressed and does not spare himself. Everything he has belongs to God, so he does not show off his own merits; he is ashamed to do so. A monastic prays for the world and asks the Lord to allow all people more time to get to know God’s love and to enter the Heavenly Kingdom. A monastic is not a mummy in black clothes but a living human being who lives a beautiful life. With God, everything bears the trace of the heavenly beauty. Struggle with himself, with the world, and with the devil takes up all the time of a monastic, so he has no time to be depressed or to judge his neighbor.

A monastic concentrates on the inner person, he is not quick with words and reluctant to pass judgments; he is looking for God’s Word that, when it comes, becomes alive for everybody. It is God’s mercy that monasteries are being restored and built nowadays. People who have got tired of the hustle and bustle of this world and its disappointments are looking for a quiet harbor where they can learn to love God and their neighbors. Therefore, the Lord builds monasteries and gathers His earthly warriors in order to make them His heavenly army. The Church is the people united into one single whole around Christ. Monastics are the vanguard of this army.

The vows that a monastic takes during the rite of monastic profession are not fulfilled by him as they must be, which is why his soul constantly has to humble down, admonish itself, and ask God to forgive it. God grants His grace to the humble.

The Lord tells the pious young man, If thou wilt be perfect, go sell what thou hast: and come follow me (Matthew, 19:21). The young man in this Gospel account did not follow Christ because he was reluctant to abandon the earthly things he had; monastics, on the contrary, are the people who follow God, and the Lord comforts those who choose this narrow path. Joy and tenderness that dawn on one’s soul after the hard times of temptations give her strength to go ahead and to be the light for those who cannot see this path yet.

One’s soul wants to be alone with God, and it finds joy everywhere there is God. Such a soul runs away from sin.

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven (Matthew, 5:3). A monastic does not boast about his gains or earthly beauty; all he can boast about is God, and he keeps saying, I can do all these things in him who strengtheneth me (Phil., 4:13).

Father Andrew

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