Marriage: An Invesment, A Covenant, or A Sacrament?
Consider
the following situation: you are shopping at the grocery store when you notice
a young couple in the aisle ahead of you, filling their cart from a single
list, stopping occasionally to embrace and kiss one another—the picture of
happiness and harmony. If you were to assume that these two are newly-weds
enjoying a blissful morning of shopping together, I have bad news: you are a
social dinosaur.
The
reality is, it’s long past the time when we could presume that people who
appear to be married are actually so. Indeed, I do not think it would be
overstating the matter to say that in the 21st century, couples who live
together conjugally without actually being married are the rule rather than the
exception.
Why is
this so? Many answers might be offered, but I would suggest that the
predominance of social utilitarianism has much to do with it. Utilitarianism, a
philosophy that drives much of modern life, basically teaches that the purpose
of society is to achieve the greatest good for the greatest number of people.
Applied
to marriage, utilitarianism says that the purpose of the relationship is to give
the couple the most possible mutual happiness. Marriage is seen as an
investment whose ultimate purpose is to be profitable for both partners.
In this
light, it is hardly surprising that people choose to “test drive” their
conjugal relationships. After all, no wise investor would put down a cent
without first determining what dividends he or she is likely to reap. Living
with someone before deciding on a lifelong commitment is just good business
sense…
Of
course, there is a problem. A human relationship is not a business venture.
People are not collections of assets to be accessed by others. When I relate to
my wife, I am not merely offering one kind of happiness (financial security,
for instance) in exchange for another (for instance, her maintenance of the
home and care of the children).
If I
relate to my wife in this way, as if she is a means to an end, then she ceases
to be a person and become an object, to be used for my self-centred purposes.
The utilitarian, “investment” approach to marriage, as reasonable as it first
appears, is ultimately an exercise in depersonalization and dehumanization.
But if
marriage is not an investment, how should we view it? In ancient societies, the
answer was clear: marriage was a covenant between two people. Having agreed on
the “goods” of marriage (companionship, children, stability and security), a
man and a woman made a public declaration of a lifelong commitment to one
another. According to the Roman definition of marriage, marriage is “the
sharing of the whole of life.”
The
covenant view of marriage does not ask, “Why should I commit to this person?
What’s in it for me?” Rather, it assumes a shared set of values and publicly
declares a commitment to uphold those values. When David made a covenant of
friendship with Jonathan, he swore to uphold the love they already had for one
another. When God made covenants with Israel, He swore to abide by His
faithfulness to previous generations.
And when
I make a covenant of marriage with my wife, I am swearing to uphold the values
we share around our faith, childrearing beliefs, and so on. I do not ask myself
how much happiness I can gain from our life together. Rather, I commit to her
personally because it is good to do so, regardless of my personal happiness.
But is
marriage nothing more than a covenant bond, a couple’s public commitment to
sharing the whole of life together?
Speaking
as an Orthodox Christian, I would say that marriage must both involve and
transcend such a bond. While a couple needs to be committed to values greater
than their own happiness if they want to make a lasting and harmonious
marriage, their ultimate goal is to make the relationship itself into an
encounter with the very wellspring of their conjugal life. In short, they are
called to make their marriage a sacrament.
According
to the Orthodox Christian understanding, a sacrament is the point of
intersection between God and creation. By this definition, the original
Sacrament is the Person of Jesus Christ—God fully revealed in a human being.
And since Jesus’ humanity was the central point of God’s self-revelation, all
of human life (and by extension, all of the cosmos) becomes a point of
encounter with God—a Sacrament.
The
so-called “sacraments” of the Church are formal ways in which we proclaim and
uphold the sacramental power of all life. In Baptism we claim the foundational
element (water) as a meeting-place with God. In the Eucharist we claim the most
basic of human activities (eating) as a way to enter God’s presence.
By
extension, Orthodox Christianity understands marriage in sacramental terms. Men
and women are called to show forth Christ and His Church through their conjugal
union and daily family life. As the couple love and serve each other, they
reveal the Incarnate love of God in their domestic corner of the cosmos.
Like the
rites of Baptism and the Eucharist, the rite of matrimony is a formal way in
which the Church proclaims the sacramental nature of a marriage. And just as
being baptised or receiving the Eucharist does not prevent a person from
abandoning their faith or committing sins, the rite of matrimony itself does
not achieve any transformation in a marriage; it is not magic, but rather a
challenge for Christians to incarnate the presence of Jesus Christ in their
marriage. How they answer that call is entirely up to them.
In other
words, the sacramental view of marriage begins where the covenantal view leaves
off. This is clear in the Eastern Orthodox rite of matrimony, which is
conspicuously lacking a set of vows for the bride and the groom because it is
assumed and understood that the couple already know and embrace the goods of
marriage and have made a covenant with one another to share the whole of life.
The focus of the service lies elsewhere, on calling the couple to make their relationship
a revelation of Christ.
In short,
the point of a sacramental marriage is not the creation of a lasting marital
bond; the existence of that bond is assumed in a sacramental marriage. For
Christians who are called to be witnesses to Jesus Christ, having a marriage
that works is a necessary prerequisite to a more profound end. We are called to
go beyond making a good marriage, and seek to proclaim in our love for one
another the Source of all good marriages, becoming in ourselves icons of the
eternal wedding of the divine Bridegroom to His human Bride, of God to
humanity, of heaven to earth, in a union that will have no end.
By Fr.
Richard Rene
Source: http://www.pravmir.com/marriage-invesment-covenant-or-sacrament/
Handmade Gift Ideas: Puppy Eco Toy Pillow
This
Puppy Toy Pillow is made of natural linen and filled with buckwheat hulls. It
has a decorative doggie-shaped pillowcase. A creative decoration for your
child’s bed and an eco-friendly toy. There is a small pocket on the puppy`s
tummy, where you can hide something small.
You can
use this pillow as a bed warmer, too: take it out of the pillowcase and warm it
up in a microwave oven to a preferred temperature.
Fabric:
100% linen.
Filling:
100% buckwheat hulls.
Size: 20
cm high, 27 cm wide.
Each
Puppy pillow is unique and may be slightly different from the one shown on the
photo.
If you
want a certain color, please specify it in the Comment field of your order.
Order a toy today to receive it in time for Christmas: https://catalog.obitel-minsk.com/doggie-toy-pillow-tm-11-2-9.html
Catalog of Good Thoughts for December 1st, 2017
Possible Ancient Monastic Complex Discovered In Egypt
Excavation
work in Minya has uncovered an ancient settlement that might be a monks’
complex, the antiquities ministry have said.
Ayman
Ashmawi, the head of the Ancient Egyptian Antiquities Department at the
ministry, said that the settlement in the area besides the Al-Nassara
necropolis in Al-Bahnasa includes a collection of rock-hewn tombs and a
residential area, dating from the 5th century AD.
Gamal
El-Semestawi, director-general of Antiquities of Middle Egypt, explains that
the rock-hewn tombs are composed of a collection of burial chambers that are
50x70 metres in total.
The
residential area is 100x130 metres in size and include the remains of houses,
among them the remains of a mud-brick house of a monk.
"This
fact suggests that the archaeological site beside Al-Nassara necropolis was a
monks’ complex," El-Semestawi told Ahram Online.
He added
that the antiquities' ministry archaeological mission has also found a collection
of monks' cells and a water well.
Excavations
started in the area in 2008 when the mission uncovered the remains of a
fifth-century church built of mud-brick, as well as a shrine; a prayer hall and
a number of chambers with walls covered with plaster and decorated with
coloured decorative elements and hymns written in the Coptic language.
Regretfully,
said El-Semestawi, these remains were subjected to destruction during the lack
of security in the aftermath of the 2011 revolution.
Gamal
Mohamed, director of Maghagha antiquities, said that in 2013 the excavation
work resumed and the mission discovered the remains of a monk’s chamber, a
prayer hall, a kitchen and a grain store with walls decorated with red crosses.
The lower
part of a monk's tomb stone was unearthed as well as a collection of metal
coins and clay pots. The coins and pots are now under restoration and study.
The town
of Al-Bahnasa is located on the West Bank of the Nile, near Beni Mazzar.
During
the Hellenistic era Al-Bahnasa was called "Oxirenkhos" and in the
Islamic period it was known as Al-Bahnasa referring to the daughter of the
town's ruler at that time.
Source: http://english.ahram.org.eg/NewsContent/9/40/275588/Heritage/Ancient-Egypt/Possible-ancient-monks-complex-discovered-in-Minya.aspx
Why Are the More Lenten Days Than Non-Lenten Days in the Orthodox Church?
If we look closely, there are more lenten
days than non-lenten in the Orthodox Church. Below is an article that explains
the importance on fasting and perhaps the reason for so many lenten days in a calendar year:
The Lord says “when you fast” (Matthew 6:16)
– so it is obvious that His disciples should fast. St Paul only condemns a
certain attitude related to fasting, and indeed these passages are read
publicly in the divine services when a fasting season starts.
In the
Orthodox tradition, fasting is not a rule to be observed, but a tool to be
used. We do not fast for the sake of
fasting, but for the sake of being able to set aside the material and focus of
the spiritual.
The true
goal of fasting is not in abstaining from meat and butter, but in abstaining
from anger, envy, laziness, and other sins.
Why do we
fast from foods?—Because we are wholesome beings. Christ did not come to save our souls only,
but all of us: soul, body, mind, spirit, will—and as many “parts” as one would
wish to count. He took our entire human
being upon Himself, all of our human nature, and “made a man’s whole body well”
(John 7:23). In the God-given order, our
spirit is to pull us to God, our soul is to find its inspiration in the
direction of the spirit, and our body is to be nourished in doing the will of
the Father (John 4:34; cf. Matt. 4:4).
Sin perverts this divine order, and our flesh feeds on this world and
becomes a slave to food, our soul finds inspiration in the things of the flesh,
and our spirit no longer hungers for God but finds its direction in the
passions of the soul.The Holy Church gives to us times of fasting in order to
help heal and restore our corrupted nature.
An
athlete does not win a prize before patiently exercising discipline and
“self-control in all things” (1 Cor. 9:25).
And if we are to receive an “imperishable wreath” (ibid.), we must do
the same and begin by taking control of that in us which is most material,
restoring the divinely-ordained order and reaching to that which is the most
spiritual. If we cannot control our
bellies, how can we hope to control our tongues and thoughts, how can we hope
to even begin to fight our passions? We
must learn to discipline our bodies, because without this foundation we cannot
begin to build the walls of the temple of our soul. And just as the purpose of a foundation is
not in itself, but in that which can be built upon it, the purpose of taking
control of our flesh is in freeing the soul from being controlled by it.
Source: https://www.orthodoxanswers.org/why-is-there-so-much-fasting-in-the-orthodox-church-is-that-not-condemned-by-saint-paul-as-legalism/
St. Theophan the Recluse on Prayer and Spiritual Vulnerability
One who
prays is like a bird, soaring high in the air, neither to be captured by the
net, nor reached by an arrow. But when noticing some delectable seeds, it flies
down from above and starts to peck at them, it can get entangled in a net or
easily shot. Thus, the one who prays is difficult for enemies to catch, for the
Spirit of prayer lifts him high. But if he, leaving the heights, drops down to
what is earthly and begins to be beguiled by this and that — no wonder he will
be caught and dragged away to indecent actions. And who is guilty? If he had
not left prayer, it would not have allowed him to fall.
Commentary
on Psalm 118: Verse 117
Source: http://classicalchristianity.com/2016/03/09/on-prayer-and-spiritual-vulnerability/
The Start of the Nativity Fast: Why do we fast from foods?
We have
begun the joyous and holy Nativity Fast. The fast begins on November 28, or forty days before the Nativity in the
flesh of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ and ends on the feast itself or
January 7, according to the secular calendar.
Just as the Jews wandered in the wilderness for forty years before
entering the Promised Land, the Holy Church leads us for forty days into the
wilderness of the Fast before entering into God’s promise revealed on the
Nativity. For the Jews, it was in order
to shake off the bonds of slavery —physical, mental, and spiritual. An entire generation of people born and
raised in Egyptian slavery was to die before those who no longer remembered
being slaves and those who were born free were allowed to enter the “land
flowing with milk and honey” (Exod. 3:8).
And so it is with us: we must shake off the bonds of slavery to sins and
passions—physical, mental, and spiritual.
We must cease being slaves of sin and become friends of Christ by
keeping His commandments (John 15:14).
There are
several aspects of the fast, all of which are important and connected to each
other. The first thing about which many
people think are the limitations in the quality and quantity of foods that we
eat. The Nativity Fast is not as strict
as some other fasts—fish is allowed on all Saturdays and Sundays, except the
last weekend before Nativity (January 2-3), and on several Church Feasts: The
Entry of the Theotokos into the Temple (December 4) and its apodosis (December
8), the feasts of the Kursk-Root Icon of the Theotokos (December 10), Sabbas
the Sanctified (December 18), the Conception of the Theotokos (December 22),
and Saints Herman of Alaska and Martyr Peter the Aleut (December 25).
The Holy
Church gives to us times of fasting in order to help heal and restore our
corrupted nature. An athlete does not
win a prize before patiently exercising discipline and “self-control in all
things” (1 Cor. 9:25). And if we are to
receive an “imperishable wreath” (ibid.), we must do the same and begin by
taking control of that in us which is most material, restoring the
divinely-ordained order and reaching to that which is the most spiritual. If we cannot control our bellies, how can we
hope to control our tongues and thoughts, how can we hope to even begin to
fight our passions? We must learn to
discipline our bodies, because without this foundation we cannot begin to build
the walls of the temple of our soul. And
just as the purpose of a foundation is not in itself, but in that which can be
built upon it, the purpose of taking control of our flesh is in freeing the
soul from being controlled by it.
This
year, the beginning of our Nativity Fast came on the day after
Thanksgiving. I know that for some, the
main dish was not a turkey or a pumpkin pie, but other people, whom they tore
apart and devoured by gossip, judging, evil talk, and back-stabbing. What good is their fast if they continue to
feast on humans? What good is their
abstinence from meat if their tongue flings about like a butcher’s cleaver?
The King
and Prophet David says, “Keep your tongue from evil” (Ps. 34:13), and “I
will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continually be in my mouth”
(1, 2). If we want our fast to be more
than a weight-loss program, we must follow the regiment prescribed by the
Prophet. We should learn to control our
tongue and our thoughts by directing both to communion with God. At all times but especially during fasts, we
must be “sober and watchful,” because our “adversary the devil prowls around
like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour” (1 Pet. 5:8). But in our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, we
have a sure protection from the attacks of the devil.
Run to
Christ in prayer, but be watchful that your prayer does not become like “a
noisy gong or a clanging cymbal” (1 Cor. 13:1).
Pay close attention to the words of prayers; make them not just
someone’s words repeated by you, but truly your own words that come from your
whole heart, your whole soul, and your whole mind (cf. Matt. 22:37).
Run to
Christ in reading the Gospels, but be watchful that it does not become a chore
whose meaning is forgotten the minute that the book is closed. Ask the Most Holy Theotokos to help you keep
all the things that you read in the Gospels and to ponder them in your heart
(cf. Luke 2:19, 51) as you go about your day, glorifying God for his abundant
mercy to us.
Run to
Christ in reading the lives of His saints, but make sure that you own life
follows in the footsteps of the holy men and women that came before you. We do not study the lives of the saints for
their literary value or as some pastime before we go to bed. They are a living example of what it means to
be a Christian, and to love God, and to love one another.
Most
importantly, run to Christ in the Communion of His Body and Blood, but do so in
humility and repentance, lest with the morsel Satan enters into you, as he did
into Judas (John 13:27).
May the
all-merciful God bless this time of our fasting. May He accept our small human efforts and by
His divine grace “which always heals that which is infirm and supplies what is
lacking,” receive our prayers and guide our lives toward His commandments. May He “sanctify our souls, make chaste our
bodies, correct our thoughts, and purify our intentions” that together with
“the assemblies of angels and the choirs or martyrs” we may always glorify the
Holy Trinity.
By Fr. Sergei Sveshnikov
Source: https://frsergei.wordpress.com/2009/11/27/on-the-beginning-of-the-nativity-fast/
Handmade Gift Ideas: Byzantium Tea Set
The scratching technique used for making this tea set is not suitable for
large-scale production. It is an author technique of decorating ceramic items
by scratching the contours with a needle on wet enamel and then filling the
inside of the contours with paints and color enamels. After gilding, the tea
set undergoes an additional firing to make the drawing rub-proof.
This tea set
consists of: 1 teapot (1000 ml), 1 sugar
bowl (400 ml), 2 tea cups (185 ml each) with saucers (D=120 mm each).
General Information about the Nativity Fast
During
the Nativity Fast the Church encourages us to intensify our spiritual lives in
order to ready our souls and bodies for the Feast. We do this through fasting,
prayer, alms-giving, confession and increased attention given to
"preparing for His coming", to make sure we've done what we can to
make a "fit dwelling place for Him" in our hearts and lives.
Bishop Thomas reminds us that during the Fast it is
appropriate to:
"increase your prayer life, read more
scripture and spiritual books, especially lives of the saints. A little less
television, no anger, no gossiping, no laziness and let's try to avoid the
Christmas parties. If we prepare in this way, God will bless us and we will
find the Feast of the Nativity of our Lord to be far more spiritually rewarding
than ever before. May God help us to struggle courageously."
The Purpose of Fasting
The
purpose of fasting is to focus on the things that are above, the Kingdom of
God. It is a means of putting on virtue in reality, here and now. Through it we
are freed from dependence on worldly things. We fast faithfully and in secret,
not judging others, and not holding ourselves up as an example.
- Fasting in itself is not a means of pleasing
God. Fasting is not a punishment for our sins. Nor is fasting a means of
suffering and pain to be undertaken as some kind of atonement. Christ already
redeemed us on His Cross. Salvation is a gift from God that is not bought by
our hunger or thirst.
- We fast to be delivered from carnal passions
so that God’s gift of Salvation may bear fruit in us.
- We fast and turn our eyes toward God in His
Holy Church. Fasting and prayer go together.
- Fasting is not irrelevant. Fasting is not
obsolete, and it is not something for someone else. Fasting is from God, for
us, right here and right now.
- Most of all, we should not devour each other.
We ask God to “set a watch and keep the door of our lips.”
Fasting Periods
The
Nativity Fast is one of the four Canonical Fasting Seasons in the Church year.
This is a joyous fast in anticipation of the Nativity of Christ. That is the
reason it is less strict than other fasting periods. The fast is divided into
two periods.
November 15th through December 19th the
traditional fasting discipline (no meat, dairy, fish, wine, and oil) is
observed. There is dispensation given for wine and oil on Tuesdays and
Thursdays. Similarly, fish, wine, and oil are permitted on Saturdays and Sundays.
December 20th through the 24th
traditional fasting discipline (no meat, dairy, fish, wine, and oil) is
observed. There is dispensation given for wine and oil only on Saturday and
Sunday during this period.
When Not to Fast
Do not
fast:
- between December 25 and January 5 (even on
Wednesdays and Fridays);
- if you are pregnant or nursing a newborn;
- during serious illness;
- without prayer;
- without alms-giving;
- according to your own will without guidance
from your spiritual father.
Source: https://www.holycrossonline.org/nativity-fast
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