The Catalog of Good Deeds: Q&A with an Orthodox priest

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The spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent responds to letters of Orthodox Christians regarding everyday life:

Question: Dear Father Andrew! I have a question. My husband and I got married, but I cannot say that I love him very much. Oftentimes in life it is difficult for me to understand my feelings. Still we received a blessing to get married, and I believed that it was God’s will, but always had certain doubts about it. And now I feel that I love another person, for whom I had feelings in the past. My current marriage is filled with constant conflicts and arguments and I have a feeling that we both made a huge mistake. Please tell me what should I do?

Valentina

Answer by Fr. Andrew Lemeshonok: The first thing you should do is go to confession and repent for not having enough patience, humility and a certain level of obedience in regards to your husband. Do not reminisce about your past relationships and do not idealize them. After all, you did receive a blessing from God.

You have to acknowledge that you are in a constant struggle. When you ask for a blessing from God to start an Orthodox family, the devil takes up arms and tries to destroy this blessing in any way possible. Right now you need to seek God's help, and you will have it, if you will continue to partake of the Holy Communion, go to confession.

Most importantly you need to live up to your responsibilities – remember that you promised to be loyal to your husband in front of God! It is very sad when that bond is broken and the marriage is destroyed. This is a true tragedy. If you believe that nothing happens by chance and that God brought you and your husband together then you must try to do everything you can to ensure that sin does not separate you.

Here is what I would do in your place. There are different periods in life, some very difficult, but there is a proverb: "When you have patience – then you’ll have love". Perhaps what you need to do is endure, pray and strengthen yourself spiritually.

08.05.2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Question: Can the name influence one’s character? I was always sure that the books about the meaning of names were something of the horoscope’s kind. However, I have recently found out that priest Pavel Florensky also thought that the name could influence the identity of a person. Does it mean that the name given to a child may affect his identity and prevail eventually? Can several letters of a name be so meaningful?

Answer by Fr. Andrew Lemeshonok: I believe, Fr. Pavel meant something a bit different. The name itself will not influence a person, but still there is some connection with the saint in whose honor you are named. After all, during the Baptism in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, you establish the connection with your future patron saint.

I think it is wrong to say that a person’s life is predetermined by his name. Almost all saints showed us, those who bear their names, the example of living with their spiritual feats and their love towards Christ. It is not just a combination of letters what has power - it is the spirit that inspires our names. This is why the spirit should be foremost, not letters.

Of course, there is nothing accidental in the world. This is why names should have certain influence, but this influence is not fatal. You give the name to your son or your grandson, you advise your close people to give a certain name to their child – you have certain associations, you put some sense in this name. Some people give their children the names of their grandparents, and here there is a connection to – they are your close relatives, after all… I think, all of this has a certain meaning, because there is nothing chaotic in this world.

Priest Pavel Florensky was a rather sensible person, who tries to explain and express his own perception of the world in such a way. This all is quite interesting, but this is not a theorem. Perhaps, we can say that it is a beautiful theory.

May 16, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

What should an ideal woman be like?

The Most Holy Mother of God must be the ideal for every Orthodox woman. Apostle Paul once uttered bold and daring words, There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. (Cf.: Gal. 3: 28). That is, when a person is filled with the Spirit, he has all the beauty. God cannot be ugly, it’s a human being who can be imperfect—whose body, face, voice or something else can be imperfect. When he has God, everything changes, of course. That is why, in my opinion, an ideal woman or an ideal man is when you can see God in them and the light of the love of Christ in their eyes. The rest—the shapes, the curves, the eyes, and the hair—is temporary and ephemeral. When you see a person filled with love, you don’t just rejoice but also see how love acts, or to be precise, how Christ acts through that person and saves the world.

Can you name the best and the worst qualities of a woman’s nature?

Women and men are different by nature. Of course, none of us are Angels. The best women’s qualities are humility and modesty. The worst qualities are hypocrisy, insincerity, falsehood. A person may choose to imitate something in front of the others and in front of herself. As she keeps playing that role, she cannot tell whether it is fake or real any longer. Sure, I could name many other negative traits but falsehood is the worst. Other drawbacks may be overcome but when a person pretends to be not the person that she truly is, it causes aversion. I pity those who do so.

Why are there so few female saints in the Orthodox calendar?

There may be many more holy women who haven’t been canonised — women who carried out their obediences in families, hospitals, or convents but who did not demonstrate exceptional feats of faith due to lack of physical strength.

Each person has their own place, and their own level of ascetic effort and ministry. It just happened when males who were more physically robust and mentally adroit turned to God, they could do something that impressed other people and taught them a lesson. With that said, the majority of those who remained in the Church during persecutions were elderly women. The Holy Myrrh-Bearing Women were the first to come to the Lord’s Tomb, and they weren’t afraid.

Anyway, Adam, not Eve, was the first human. That is why women can’t be priests or deacons, and they cannot enter the sanctuary. Nevertheless, the Mother of God is titled more honourable than the Cherubim and more glorious beyond compare than the Seraphim. A woman’s heart is more responsive and faithful.

However, all are one in Christ, women and men.

April 26, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

How not to be afraid of joy? Why do we find it hard to be happy sometimes?

We are aware of the fact that our joy will not remain forever. That’s why we feel terrified. It is difficult to get down to the sinful earth and to suffer after being exalted by joy.

Ups and downs in our lives are inevitable and very painful for each of us. That is why the Lord grants happiness and special grace to those people who don’t feel dispirited, who can endure the sorrows and trials that can befall a person right after the moments of graceful joy.

Sometimes a person doesn’t fast too strictly and doesn’t pray too fervently, but he still receives great joy at Easter… What does Easter joy depend on?

Here is the depth of one’s inner life and the depth of one’s heart. Sure, sometimes people work really hard and abstain from a lot of things but they still don’t receive grace. The Lord knows one’s heart and He knows what each person needs most. There can be an unexpected joy when someone did not do anything special to receive it, and he is surprised: what was the reason for it? The Lord simply gives his love and touches one’s heart.

The publican walked into the Temple… Did he read all canons? Did he fast? Did he fulfil the Law? No, he didn’t but he came to the church, and his soul was ready to accept God’s grace because it was humble, it knelt before God, and the Lord comforted his sick and suffering soul. Our entire lives are in God’s hands. The amount of joy and love that the Lord gives us depends on his Providence, and not on our own efforts. Otherwise, we would work hard and demand, “Come on! Comfort me, now! Why do you comfort that guy over there? He spent less time working for you…” We would start arguing and quarrelling with God. We would not be able to enter the Kingdom of God in that case. “How can it be that I denied myself all my life, and that guy lived as he pleased, and he was a thief but here he is the first in the paradise?!” It is fair? No, but it’s love.

It is said that if one dies on Easter or during the Bright Week, he will not go through ordeals and go straight into the Heaven. Is it true?

Yes, there is such an opinion. I believe that each person will be tested with the question, “Lovest thou Me?” However, we guess that death does not occur at random. Its time and date is not haphazard. When the Royal Door is opened, when the heaven and the earth celebrate the victory of life over death, we would like to think that one’s soul will go to the paradise no matter what.

However, approximately one hundred people die on Easter in Minsk every year. We can’t say that they immediately go to paradise. Those who didn’t have the encounter with God in the course of their lives also die, unfortunately. That’s why the day of Easter is not a 100% guarantee of free entry into the paradise. However, when a believer who goes to church regularly dies on Easter day, it does matter for his soul. It is a testimony for his relatives, too, that their deceased relative had pleased God.

What if someone dies on a different day but had led a saintly life, does it change anything? I suppose not. All days are holy for God. That’s why we have to humble ourselves down and to repent in order to get into the paradise.

April 11, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

There is a petition for a shameless and painless repose in the Litany but more often than not people die in pain and sorrows. What do we ask for then?

The “shameless” death means that we have to entrust our immortal souls to God. We must have faith and peace inside. We say that we hope for the resurrection of the dead and the life of the world to come but we are limited by the time and space of this world. What does the life of the world to come look like? What will happen after death? It is too tricky; we can barely comprehend it. However, when you see a person who is about to depart from this life and, in spite of all pain, his eyes radiate light, hope, absence of panic, and trust in God, it has a huge influence on all people around that dying person.

I recall the death of a woman who had worked for the KGB. She did not have any family, except for two kids. Her husband had abandoned them. It was really tragic. I gave her communion just a couple of days before she reposed. She was assured that her children would be taken care of and that God would not leave them alone. She looked frightening, her skin was yellowish; yet her eyes were filled with so much liveliness, so much trust, and so much love! I don’t know why but I wanted to stay by her deathbed for as long as I could. “I’d like to have the spiritual power of this brave woman, too,” I thought to myself. This must be that shameless and peaceful kind of death when a person knows where and to whom he is about to go. May God grant everyone a death like this!

Why does God demand absolute loyalty from our souls?

Darkness can’t coexist with love and light. God won’t let you choose a part of your life that you can set apart for him and then keep on doing what you want, i.e. sinning, with the rest of your life. We must give up all our heart to God because He deserves it. He gave up his entire life as a human for our sake. He feeds us with his Body and Blood; His love is absolute; He came into this world to save us. That is why He cannot say that there is a part of your heart and your life that belongs only to you and that you can dispose of as you please. You have to hand your whole life over to God and to rely on his Providence. That is how we can enter the eternal life and defeat death.

Ye cannot serve God and mammon (Cf. Matthew 6: 24). You can’t divide your heart and your life. You’ve got to choose yes or no. If we decide to follow Christ, we must follow him till the end. But he that shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved (Matthew 24: 13).

Sometimes a person feels God’s grace after communion, and this grace supports him for some time. However, one might sometimes think that he does not deserve communion. Should one worry about it or not?

You must not rely on yourself. When your soul is sick, you disinfect its wounds by communion. It can hurt. The Lord may grant comfort and joy one time and you may have to withstand a spiritual battle the other time and feel depressed. The medicine works anyway, and you should not go by your emotions because it may be a trial sent by God.

We hear that there used to be ascetics who spent decades praying despite the fact that they could not feel anything. God regarded it as a great feat of ascetic devotion. Naturally, we would like our souls to be soaring high after a communion; sometimes they feel pain and suffer instead. It doesn’t mean that we are unworthy. In fact, no one deserves the Holy Gifts—who can be worthy of it? Do you really think that the fact that you don’t eat something or read some prayers means that you deserve the Communion? Of course not!

Speaking of worthy communion, the less worthy of it you feel, the more you deserve it. If you acknowledge that you are guilty and that the Lord loves you as you are: the dirty, ungrateful, and ill-spirited person that you are; if you feel sorry for that, this is what makes you worthy. The other kind of “worthiness”, i.e., when you deem yourself better than someone else; when you feel superior because you have read all there was to read, because you have prepared properly to receive this love—that’s a shameful condition. We’d better avoid it.

April 18, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

Why did Jesus have to die in order to save man?

The hardest, most painful and responsible phenomenon in our life is death. The world wasn’t created for dying and for people to bury their dead (Cf. Matthew 8: 22), but for people and other living creatures to live and rejoice. When sin entered this world and the man became mortal, only God was able to correct that mistake and defeat death. The man could not do it because his nature was corrupted by sin. That was why God became incarnated as a man and died for all of us.

In fact, God cannot die. The person who obeys God and fulfils his will by enduring suffering till the end, will overcome death. That’s why the mystery of our salvation is fulfilled on the Cross. The Cross was the most terrible and deadly tool used for execution of criminals. So Jesus bore our transgressions and liberated us from the curse of sin. This is why we say, I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD. (Ps. 118: 17).

What do you mean by saying that Jesus took our sins upon himself?

The Lord’s human nature was without sin. He died for us on the Cross. He knew that He had to offer a sacrifice. The prototypes of the sacrifice at the Calvary in the Old Testament Church were lambs and doves, killed on the altar. The Lord took the guilt of the entire humankind because He could do so as our Creator, and He had the right to do so. He nailed the sins of the entire world to the Cross.

Things like these sometimes happen in our everyday lives, too: if someone is guilty and the other person takes his guilt upon himself, then the guilty person is released and the other person is punished instead. We know that Nun Maria (Skobtsova) went to a gas chamber during the war instead of a woman who had children. She died for the woman and her kids to remain alive. We know such cases from history. However, only Jesus Christ—only God—could redeem everyone and allow to choose between life and death. That’s what He did by dying on the Cross.

How can a person who is unable to fully appreciate church worship and joy during his earthly life be able to appreciate it after he dies?

St Justin Martyr quoted God as saying, “In whatsoever things I shall take you, in these I shall judge you.” (Dialogue with Trypho, Chapter 47, cf. Matthew 24: 42). Right now, we see things as if through a dim glass. We can’t experience the depth and fullness of the spiritual realm but the small pieces that we can grasp really change our lives. Although we lose God’s grace time and time again, some grace is left inside our souls. It makes us hope that our souls, which have already tasted the grace and seen the love of God, will be able to contain everything the Lord has to reveal to them when they enter the eternal bliss.

There is a battle going on right now. Sin desensitises us and separates us from the most essential things. We keep losing that battle. We don’t know, we don’t see, we don’t hear… Notwithstanding this fact, if our souls move forward and do not want to stay in the darkness of sin; if we yearn for God, come to church and participate in worship; if we partake of the Blood and the Body of Christ — that’s when we may hope that we will ultimately be able to taste the delight of love, which the Lord has prepared for those who love him (See 1 Cor. 2: 9).

April 4, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

How would you describe the joy that a priest feels when the person who comes for confession repents genuinely?

When a person opens his heart for God, grace of the Holy Spirit who cleanses the person’s soul of sin enters that person’s heart. This grace touches the priest who is a witness and a participant of this Sacrament, too. The joy that the priest feels resembles the joy after communion.

The Sacrament happens and people are visibly transformed, even their appearance changes. Their eyes start to radiate light. It can’t leave the priest indifferent.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation is not merely a discourse, an argument, or a counselling session, where a priest gives advice — no matter how good and wise that advice might be. This Sacrament is an act of God.

Why is it that every year the Great Lent feels different?

God always has everything new. He never repeats or copies himself. The cycle of divine services helps one’s soul to see God in a new light. You can never get accustomed to it.

That is why when we participate in a holiday, when we go through a certain ecclesiastical season, like the Lent, we change and our perception of God and understanding of his grace also changes. We discover new depths of prayer and chants — the innermost beauty that a Lenten service possesses. Perhaps, we will never fully comprehend this beauty but we do improve and grow spiritually. Some of the words that we have heard many times now acquire a new meaning. This is a source of great happiness when we explore the majesty of Orthodox worship and God’s love towards us sinners.

The Psalter is read many times during the Great Lent. There are a lot of Psalms that call for God’s wrath upon sinners. How should we interpret that?

It doesn’t show personal relationships, where people must forgive and love. It illustrates spiritual relationships where a sin is always evil. You have to struggle against evil.

The Old Testament gives us prototypes and indicates what we have to be aware of in order to understand what people before Christ were like and what kind of life and mentality they had. Their mentality was entirely different. That was why David could not preach love like Jesus did. Christ came to the earth when people had already been prepared by the Old Testament to accept God and his love. The Old Testament way of dealing with other people is eye for eye, tooth for tooth. The dreadful moments of bloodshed, curses, and brutal retaliation must not be viewed literally from the height of our contemporary morals. Look at it with the eyes of Old Testament people.

At the same time, we see in the Psalter the magnificent poetry of the Spirit. Enemies are a personification of the devil. They are the sin that we have to combat and to dash it against the rocks. Christ is our Rock. You must not negotiate and try to find compromise with sin. You must cut it off resolutely. Christ said that He had brought us a sword. The Gospel also says, If thy hand offend thee, cut it off (Mark 9:43). Sounds cruel, doesn’t it?

Your personal enemies and your relationships where you have to humble yourself down are one thing. The enemies of the Church or the Homeland who conspire to conquer your land and destroy its holy places are a different thing. You have the blessing to defend your Church and country. You mustn’t just sit around watching your enemies destroy and slaughter.

That is why we must not take everything literally. We should try to interpret the God-inspired words of Psalms as a battle cry calling us to fight the sin and the devil who does whatever he can to separate man from God completely.

March 28, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

Have you ever met people whose repentance was similar to the repentance of St Mary of Egypt?

The repentance of St Mary of Egypt is an extraordinary example. Having worked in the Church for a long time, I have seen people come in a miserable and poor condition, and the Lord provided them with a chance to begin a new life. They went through a complete transformation. Of course, they didn’t walk on water and they didn’t live in deserts but it was evident that the Lord gave them power to oppose sin, to get the better of their own self, and the outcomes were visible.

When you see the result, it makes your faith stronger. In any case, we need to witness the acts of God with our own eyes. We need it badly, particularly when we are in trouble.

Why are we more accustomed to the time of repentance and fasting than to the season of Easter joy?

We all are ill, both spiritually and physically. We are more likely to feel sorrow than joy. It is much harder to be happy than to cry. Joy is beyond our capabilities.

It is with this long fast, self-denial, temperance, and restrictions of earthly joys that the Church prepares us for celestial delight. We will embrace that delight when we arrive at the Bright Resurrection of Christ. However, we have to work hard to preserve that joy through the entire Bright Week, the entire Easter season until the Ascension, and throughout the entire year in general.

Orthodoxy does not necessitate one’s grim and stiff repentance, when one doesn’t care about anyone else. Orthodoxy is primarily centred around the joy of the Risen Christ, which ensues when an individual humbles down and feels that God loves him and is always near.

When anything bad happens, it has become common to hear, “Well, that’s the Great Lent for you…” Is Great Lent really to blame for all our misfortunes?

We are always looking for someone to blame for our own sins or the trials and sorrows that we have to go through.

Whenever someone tries to make any spiritual effort and to get closer to God, there are more sorrows, that’s true. For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. If you want to get a result, if you are not afraid of moving forward, if you exert yourself and start working spiritually and fighting the sin, you must be aware of the fact that the sin won’t give in so easily. It will fight tooth and nail. You will observe within yourself the things you have never thought existed. You may have had a peaceful life and thought that you were a good person who loved God and your neighbour. Nevertheless, when you get more involved in Christian living, when you start going to church and trying to lead a spiritual life, everything goes awry. You are shocked to find out that you are not actually a decent person: in fact, you are a disgraceful sinner. Your mask goes off. It is baffling for a proud person to see his sins and his nefariousness, so he becomes desperate and dreary. That’s the usual scenario.

What you should do in this case is be patient. You talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk. You decide to follow Christ to the end. You might choose a big and unbearable prayer rule and appear to be holy in your own eyes but then you will turn out to be incapable of anything… It is extremely embarrassing to humble down in this case. It is hard to admit, “Yes, Lord, forgive me, I am but a little child who has put on a grown man’s clothes.” You’ve got to know your level. That is why it is greatly beneficial if you seek advice of more experienced people and ask your spiritual father for his blessing of your abstinence and prayer rule.

March 21, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

Archpriest Andrew Lemeshonok, the spiritual father of St. Elisabeth Convent, answers various questions of the parishioners.

Is it true that it is not allowed to read akathists during the Great Lent?

According to the rubrics, the services during the Great Lent are special. However, we do serve several akathists in our Convent during the Great Lent. We read akathists to the Pantanassa icon of the Mother of God because there are so many ill people who need prayer, especially during the Lent. It is not a solemn or festive prayer. It is a call for help. We also read an akathist to the Inexhaustible Chalice icon of the Mother of God.

If your heart wants to read an akathist at home, if you find it useful, you can read it but be watchful.

What does total abstinence mean? Is it when you are not allowed to drink even water, or is it something deeper than that?

I believe it is deeper than that. First of all, abstinence means vigilance of one’s mind and heart, and then, of course, abstinence from certain kinds of food. For instance, total abstinence is recommended during the First Week of the Lent, when an individual is strongly advised not to eat anything till Wednesday or Friday. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. (Matthew 19: 12).

Anyway, abstinence consists not only of food. It entails control over our thoughts, eyes, ears, and tongues.

What should we be thinking about when we approach the Crucifix located in the centre of a church during the Veneration of the Cross Week?

The Cross is a weapon against the devil. It is the lighthouse that helps us find our way in the sea of earthly troubles. The Cross is love that enables us to live and learn to love one another. The Cross is the mountaintop of love: we carry our little crosses and attempt to ascend it like our personal Golgotha to crucify our flesh with the affections and lusts (Cf. Galatians 5: 24) and to be born into the new life.

March 14, 2018

St. Elisabeth Convent

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3 Answers from Father Andrew: What Should an Ideal Woman Be Like?

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3 Answers from Father Andrew: Why Does God Demand Absolute Loyalty from Our Souls?

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