QUESTION:
What is
the Orthodox policy on marriage to a Jewish individual? If there is a problem, can there be an
exception in certain cases? If so,
with whom would I need to discuss this?
ANSWER:
In the
Orthodox Church it is not permitted for an Orthodox Christian to be married to
an individual who has not been baptized, regardless of whether they are of the
Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or other faith.
While
there is generally no exception to this rule, especially in the USA, you may
wish to discuss your particular circumstance with your parish priest, who can
offer specific guidance tailored to your individual situation.
QUESTION:
I
understand the rules, but in coming upon the year 2000 isn’t it a bit
discriminatory for the Orthodox Church to be so selective to the point of being
borderline prejudicial against those of other faith’s. Especially against the
Jewish people from whom all Christianity is derived.
ANSWER:
The
practice of the Church is not a matter of discrimination any more than the
practice of the Jewish faith, which only permits practicing Jews to celebrate
their bar mitzvah, or the practice of the Buddhist faith, which allows only
practicing Buddhists to enter Buddhist monastic orders, are cases of discrimination.
Bottom
line: if you’re not an observant Jew, why would you want to be bar mitzvahed;
if you do not practice Buddhism, why would you want to be a Buddhist monk? It
is a matter of sacramentology, as well as common sense.
Simply
put, one who has not entered the life of the Church through Baptism,
Chrismation, and the Eucharist—and who as such does not acknowledge Jesus
Christ as his or her Lord, God and Savior—would reduce the Sacrament of Holy
Matrimony to pure external form or ritual since he or she, by not acknowledging
Jesus Christ, cannot properly seal his or her marriage in Him.
In other
words, marriage in Jesus Christ presumes that one accepts Him and believes in
Him. Why would an individual who does not accept Christ want to seal his or her
marriage in Christ? A non-baptized individual who truly desires to partake of
the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony in the Orthodox Church should do so out of a
desire to seal all he or she does in Jesus Christ. It is inconceivable that one
would pledge their love to another person in the name and presence of a God he
or she does not believe in.
QUESTION:
If the
Orthodox Church forces its members to marry outside the church, will it
recognize the marriage? This question is most intriguing because the Orthodox
Church recognizes civil divorces.
ANSWER:
The
Orthodox Church never forces its members to marry outside the Church. It is the
decision of the person who is planning to enter a marriage which cannot be
sacramentalized in Church to marry outside the Church. How can the Church
recognize a non-sacramental marriage as a sacrament when the individual performing
the non-sacramental marriage does not recognize what he is doing to be a
sacrament?
With
regard to divorce, the Church recognizes civil divorce precisely because the
Church does not grant divorces! In general, divorce is a civil matter with no
corresponding state or ceremony in the life of the Church. One cannot compare
the recognition of a civil divorce and the recognition of a civil marriage; it
is a matter of apples and oranges. The Church does not deny that those involved
in a civil marriage are married civilly; it would make no sense for the Church
to accept a civil marriage as a sacrament since the person who performs civil
marriages would deny that they are sacraments in the first place.
QUESTION:
Lastly,
if the rules are the rules what good is speaking with a Parish Priest going to
do?
ANSWER:
You never
know until you try! In my years as a priest I have had several situations
similar to the one you describe. The couples came and spoke with me. In most
cases the non-baptized individual decided to explore Orthodoxy—casually at
first, more intensely as time went on, embracing it zealously in the end—and
they were eventually baptized and subsequently married in the very Church they
had initially shunned. All are very active members of the Church to this day!
Had they not spoken with the priest, had they allowed their anger or
assumptions or prejudices to keep them from speaking with the priest, the
outcome of these situations would have been very, very different.
Speaking
with one’s pastor, especially in the presence of the non-baptized fiance, might
open other options, as I myself have seen and experienced. But in so doing it
is best for all involved—the priest, the parishioner, and the non-baptized
fiance—to work together without anger, without prejudice, without assuming that
things will never work out.
Frankly,
I would dare say that most people feel the Church is hurting them, even though
they all too often fail to seek guidance from the Church—in which case the
Church can hardly be blamed for causing harm when it was never given the
opportunity to try to find options and solutions.
QUESTION:
Here is
yet another instance of another religion maintaining its stronghold over its
constituents. I realize that these rules are made to prevent the eventual
decline of the faith, but if the rules continue to make being an Orthodox more
and more restrictive in our ever-changing modern times, then the policy will
accomplish exactly what it was envisioned to prevent.
ANSWER:
The fact
that an Orthodox Christian may not be married in an Orthodox ceremony to a
non-baptized person has nothing whatsoever to do with maintaining a stronghold
over the faithful or preventing the eventual decline of the faith. It has
everything to do with faithfulness to that in which we were baptized: Jesus
Christ. And if one is truly committed to Jesus Christ and believes that He came
into the world to save all mankind, then one would do his or her utmost to
ensure that those they love would make a commitment to Jesus Christ as well.
The Church is not placing restrictions on its people; rather, people’s actions
can result in a self-imposed restriction, not an “institutional” one. The
Church in general has followed this practice for some 2000 years and it
continues to exist and in many places to flourish.
Again, in
my own experience, I would say that most of the marriages I have had the honor
of celebrating have been between Orthodox Christians and non-Orthodox
Christians—and yet in almost every instance the non-Orthodox party has
converted to Orthodoxy and remains active in the life of the Church. Surely
this would not be the case if the couples had not spoken with me and allowed me
to work together with them.
QUESTION:
With all
of this in mind, is there a possible exception to this rule. I am certain that
there are many cases of where accommodations were made to individuals with
special needs such as mine.
ANSWER:
I cannot
give you a definitive answer because I do not know all of the circumstances. The
first question I would ask is whether or not the non-baptized fiance actively
practices his or her own religion. If not, are they open to learning more about
the Gospel and the message of Jesus Christ?
But no
exceptions are made simply to accommodate a notion of “modernity” which has
nothing whatsoever to do with this. It is a matter of honesty, and the Church
would find it highly dishonest for someone to demand to have their marriage
sealed in the name of Jesus Christ when he or she does not believe in Jesus
Christ.
Again, I
urge you to seek the guidance of your priest or another Orthodox priest in your
area with whom you have a relationship. As you say, it may not help—but then
again, it may not hurt!
Source: https://oca.org/questions/sacramentmarriage/marriage-to-a-non-christian
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